Walking In Dance Shoes And Living The Life.

for him.

2011-03-05T10:08:00.004+08:00

Woke up about 10 minutes ago and I realized, I need to make this clear to everyone.

I love Aiman Syafiq Alwi.

Before you go and click that X button because you know this already and I've said it 89023849284 times before, just hear me out.

It may come around to you that I don't talk about him as much anymore and that maybe we've just grown on each other so much that we're used to each others presence up to the point that we don't have to speak of each other anymore. And maybe you're right. Maybe I am so comfortable with having him around that I might neglect to speak of him like I used to.

But that doesn't mean I'm any less in love with him.

I've come across blogposts and people referring to other couples as "The next Annatasha Saifol and Aiman Syafiq Alwi." But truth be told, there will be no "Annatasha Saifol and Aiman Syafiq Alwi" cos no girl will feel for any boy like I do for Aiman.

I've known him for almost 3 years now, and we've been dating for almost 2. And I know it's not as long as those best friends who become a couple but it is something. The past, let's say 3 years have been like the shortest 3 years of my life. SO many things have happened and you cannot believe how 99% of them were bad, bad, bad things.

I had people talk about me in very hurtful ways, I had problems with school, I had problems in deciding which college, I had 2 relatives that have moved on in the past two years, I've had friends become jerks, I've had troubles with my so called career at that time, I had been given a label.

There's more to that 99% but this post isn't about how bad the past 3 years were. It's about how amazing that 1% made it for me. That 1%, like a fish in that sea of fishes, was such a strong and powerful influence on me that eventhough it was just a 1% at that time, it made me forget about all the other bad 99%.

Aiman was that 1%. He was a boy. Just a boy to me, when I met him. Now for those of you have known me for like 8, 9 years, you'd know I'm such a career driven girl. Everything I do would have to be related to work or else it wasn't worth my time. I MEAN SERIOUSLY. Boys to me were such a waste of time that I honestly didn't see myself getting married before 30. Boys were girls' everything but not mine. My true love was my dreams and ambition.

Aiman was that 1%. But he grew on me. And not just because he was funny, or talented, or good looking (YEAHIKNOWIMBRAGGINGABOUTMYOWNBOYFRIENDTHEDUSTBIN FORYOUTOTHROWUPINISTHATWAYTHANKYOU).

I mean, of course, at first, with first impressions and all, that's what made me see him. His company was really amazing. I wanted to be with him every weekend, all the time. I even cried once when my mother didn't let me out with him because it was getting too late, and I was still 15 at the time.

But with the big masses of company comes knowledge. And I became blessed to get to know Aiman.

Because he helped me through that 99%.

Here's how.

People talked shit about me. I had so many names plastered across my forehead. And you know, most of the time, I don't care what haters want to say about me, I really couldn't give a shit. But when I sit down and think, why would people want to hurt me so bad, it hurts. It really does. I'm not even that big of a person. But yeah, people talked shit about me, and everytime they did, my 1% would make me feel like I'm the most beautiful person to ever walk this earth. And my 1% didn't just tell me that I was beautiful. He showed it to me.

Through those things like that AMAZING Valentines day he gave me in 2009 and this year, 2011, that time he stood up in front of the crowd and told me he loves me (three times might I add!) in 2009, those moments when he'd be outside my door waiting for me with a smile on his face, the way he'd become so moody if he didn't get to see me for a day.

And that's only less than 1% of what he does to make me feel beautiful.

He gave me strength, you know? Because I had never been so smitten by a boy before that, I had to know more of him, I needed to see how he'd take care of me.

And when people labelled me all sorts of things for reasons only they know, he didn't cower away in embarrassment of me. He'd be there, holding my face in his hands, telling me there's nothing to worry about. And that it's just him and me in this world, and that it doesn't matter what they think, because they don't exist.

When I had problems with my so-called singing career, he would listen to me rant and tell me that it's okay, it's all in the past now and now we can just go on living in this little world of ours. He didn't just tell me to suck it up and make my own decisions.

He was always part of all my decisions. Because I've become such a part of him that to get to me sometimes, you might just have to go through him.

Aiman was that 1%. And now he's grown into my 100%. He's grown into my everything. From just a boy who sat behind that drumkit that one day I coincidentally happened to be performing to the support and love of my life. And now HE is my dream and my ambition.

We might have been 15 then, and yeah I admit, it might have been puppy love (as I've heard someone say it was) back then. But we're 18 now and we're adults. And I think I'VE seen and heard and have even been through enough to know what real love feels like. And it definitely is this.

And I know if you're way older than me, and you're reading this right now, and you've been in probably a 10 year relationship, you might think I'm a silly, silly young girl who's going through lust and not love.

But what adults have taken 10 years to accomplish, which is trust and comfort in their partners, I honestly thing Aiman and I have accomplished within the span of 3 years.

I am serious about him and I am dead serious about being in love with him.

I know, okay, I know I'm 18 and right now, thinking of REAL adults reading this, I know how they feel. I know how they might think GOD, this girl is just way in over her head.

Well, maybe I am. But you're not in my shoes. And you'll never be. I wouldn't WANT you to stand in my shoes, because this is the part where I'm gonna be selfish. I don't want you to experience what I feel when I even THINK of Aiman. Cos it really is an amazing feeling. And my words here can't even come close to the actual the feeling I get.

You're not in my shoes. You'll never be. And this is why there will be no NEXT Annatasha and Aiman.

Though I must mention, the term is really sweet and flattering. I'm totally cool if I were to read it somewhere again. Just know that it's a term and not a fact. :)

Oh, and this post wasn't because someone reffered to a couple as the next us. THAT REALLY isn't the problem.

This post is just because... :)
I've been given a lot of love so I've got a lot to share. I might not share the ACTUAL FEELINGS of being in my shoes but I will share stories about it. ;)

So this ends my cheesy Saturday morning post.

Spread the love and don't be stingy with details. Cos we might not know exactly how you feel, but I wanna know ALL about it! :)

x

it's been too long.

2011-03-02T10:33:00.005+08:00

Why hello there, folks. How have you guys been? It sure has been a long, long time since we've met here. :)

So what have you guys missed since I've been gone for so long?

Well, for starters, I'm 18 now. :) Legal. And how did I celebrate? By making sand-castles on the beach with my favourite people! Hehe. We went to Port Dickson and just soaked up the sun and dunked ourselves in the sand and just pretended to be 5 again. :) And we got our drink on. ;) I think we consumed like 930824930 litres of plain water because well, it was hell of a hot day and I swear I grew 10 shades darker. (And as if college isn't already helping me with my tan seeing as it's freaking exposed to the damn sun all the damn time). My favourite people are my favourites because they would even get grimey in the sand just for me. (I love you three like nuts.) Shame that one of them couldn't make it. :(

I have SO many pictures to share and to update you lot on! But I've just recently discovered that my back up hard-drive that my Apple buddy Ben gave back to me after my laptop decided to well... leave us for good, can work as my actual laptop as well! I plugged it into my Mac Desktop yesterday and restarted my computer, pressed Option as it were starting up and then POOP! It showed that I could start up my computer as Tash's hard drive.

Clicked on that and it were as if I had just walked on water. My Mac Desktop had turned on as my lost computer! And all the files had looked like it had just hit puberty because everything was so big and in my face and I was like Whoaaaa. I kinda felt reborn.

(And did you hear that there are new Rugrats and Hey Arnold episodes coming up? HOLY MOLY right?!)

This is incase you don't remember who our little friend is. Though I say I'm very disappointed in you if you didn't remember. ;p

Well yeah, I'm so sorry for the cartoon pictures instead of proper ones because well, as I've just mentioned, I've just retrieved all my data again. And I promise you guys are gonna get one hell of a treat with my new photographs that I've had hiding in my hard drive.

As for college, it's really been good as heck. I mean, WOW. It's honestly so much fun and this time I'm not even being sarcastic! Besides the fact that there is Computer Studies, and might I add a 4 page research on Information System Innovations due exactly a week for now, it's really awesome. I have a new favourite smell besides the smell of Aiman's armpits (eww to you? Yum to me! Heheh) now. And that is the smell of the kitchen when you first step in. :)

I don't know if it's just radiation but it just feels nice to be in the kitchen. :)

Well, that was just an updated but I'll be sure to include more details in the next blog AND also photographs!

And this is the new Spongebob. If you have never heard of this cartoon before, please tune in to Cartoon Network at 12am everynight to see one of the best cartoons that will have ever graced your life. Trust me. And the artwork is truly morbid and amazing! I aspire to be an artist like this one day. :p

Do you think it looks innocent? Think again. :)

So till next time, guys! (And hopefully it won't be 3 months from this post! HEHE!)

Happy 2nd of March and have a fantastic month ahead of you.

P.S: A shoutout to my lovelies Sameera and Jade and Iman just because I love them oh so much.

P.P.S: A shoutout to my baby Aiman because there's no way you'd think I was not going ot mention him again. I love you!

call-edge.

2011-01-17T23:01:00.002+08:00

Hells to the yeah. I had my first class of culinary school today. Can you imagine how nervous I was when I got to Taylor's?

And the first thing I watched the man do was butcher a chicken into pieces.

Well, okay, no, it's not as gory as you think. He actually did it really gracefully in fact. So gracefully, that he made it look super easy, and when I stepped up to do it, it was so difficult, I couldn't believe how easy he made it look. And that's where I set my first goal, to slice meat like Chef Halim.

... And then he brought out a duck with a head still attached (dead and featherless, mind you) and chopped its head off. :s

I made plenty of new friends. Hani and Iqhwan were the ones I hung out with most of the day. They're really friendly. Friends from their highschool. :) And then when we went around walking, met Omar. Two girls I met at orientation, Ashley and Jay Zee were really nice as well. :) I like all the niceness that's going on.

Oh and OF COURSE. My homie Jessica of whom I met and got along so well with on orientation day. She's a doll. From Jakarta, and staying here all by herself. She's a brave one. I didn't get to meet her today because we were seperated into different groups, but I'm thinking I'll see her for lunch tomorrow or something. :) '

Can you believe for some classes there's a MINIMUM amount of make up to be worn? I mean in Cempaka they tried everything in their power to STOP us from wearing cosmetics but here we MUST? It's fascinating really.

Oh and I must wear slacks or a skirt. A SKIRT. Ahaha. And formal shoes. Goodbye to those cute pair of green Onitsuka's I got for college. Well, I wear them out all the time, if you haven't noticed in my past few recent photos on Facebook. :) (That was me shamelessly advertising my new shoes in hopes that you would go to my Facebook profile and check them out. Hardy har har.)

Well, 2 and half hours on my feet in the afternoon and Chef Halim was like, "GET USED TO IT." It's like being a surgeon you know? On your feet for hours and hours operating. My lower back really hurts from standing up so long and honestly, I am half asleep as I'm typing this.

But I just had to share with all of you on how my first day of college went.

It's scary really, looking around the classroom and not recognizing ANYONE. Where did those kids in my classroom for the past 5 years go, you know? It's all different now. It's like going to Australia and seeing Caucasion people instead of Asian people doing the exact same things the folks do at home. You get what I mean right?

Honestly, I'm so excited for this coming year. I'm really excited for everything that they have planned out for us. It's gonna be hectic, and hell, it's gonna be dificult for me to even have some time for myself, but it will be worth it.

I was thinking, work all I can now, then open a restaurant, then when that stabilizes, I'll have all the time in the WORLD to chill you know?

... Come to my restaurant? ;)

I'll pitch you guys my idea that I've been sharing with my loved ones for my restaurant in the future. Gonna be someplace like you've never seen before!

Well, I'm off to bed. Goodnight folks!

x

P.S: Have you just recently entered college? Share your stories with me and I'll publish it for everyone to see! Head on over to my Facebook page and leave me a message! (Damn, I rhymed like an emcee back there)

P.P.S: Shoutout to my girl Jade for being an awesome best friend

P.P.P.S: Shoutout to my girl Sameera for being freakishly matured recently. (Y) She knows what I mean.

P.P.P.P.S: And I love Aiman Syafiq. As you all already know. YOU REALLY THOUGHT I WAS GONNA POST SOMETHING WITHOUT MENTIONING HIM. You fail.

why, hello, 2011.

2011-01-02T18:15:00.003+08:00

This will be my 4th year blogging for y'all. :) Can you believe it? The years have passed just like that. My information box even still reads 16 years old. I'm 18 in exactly a month from today! A bit scary isn't it? Now the events that I used to refer to as "last year" is now referred to as "two years ago."

I may no longer speak of Jade and my epic events in London by starting the sentence with "last year" but instead by starting it with "two years ago."

Oh God.

When new friends ask me when I met my baby Aiman, I have to say, "Three years ago" and not "Two years ago."

Funny isn't it? How one day determines a new year? How yesterday we could say "this year", but today we must say "last year"?

I hope your eyes just shot wide open in realisation when you read that last line.

I hope your eyes just shot wide open again after you read my prediction.

HAHAHA. MIND-EFFFFFF!

Well what else am I to say but that once again, we've entered a brand new year. Forget the bad memories from last year BUT bring the good ones with you into this year. A year to start new again. And if you screw up soon, say this month, don't worry, next year is not too far away. Look at how fast we came into 2011!

As for me, dears, this is REALLY my START NEW year. One, I'm turning 18, which is the legal age to be thrown into jail. (I'm not gonna say legal age to drink or smoke, because well, I don't drink or smoke.) And two, I'm starting college. Oh wow. College. It's like switching to a new school, which I haven't done in years.

Yes, I am a bit nervous to be in a new environment. However, I'm thrilled to meet new friends. :)

2011 is gonna be a big year. Dreams are GONNA come true. That's right, I'm not gonna HOPE they'll come true. I know they are. Just as the rest of you should as well.

Well, happy 2nd of 2011, folks. :) Hope you guys are having a good one so far!

x

keeping faith.

2010-11-08T23:54:00.004+08:00

I'm currently reading this book. It's really an amazing read. Jodi Picoult is my favourite author for the mean time, I swear. Her books are like the very few books that make me go, "Shyat, why didn't I think of that?" She's a lawyer so all her books are fictional, but contain persuasive writing. I've learned to analyze books, thanks to English classes in high school. I've read two other books of hers in a span of 2 months, My Sister's Keeper and The Pact and both had something to do in the courtroom.

Now this book, there's no judge, no lawyers. But there's still a hell of a persuasion.

It's based on religious beliefs, and I've learned a lot about Catholics and Jews in these 140 pages that I've just read. Interesting, really.

But mind you, I'm a Muslim. It's just really interesting to see what the other religions believe. Not that I believe what they believe, I just like to know. Makes me a wiser person, you know?

Okay, so the plot of the book (or more of like what I've read so far), is that this girl, Faith, in the midst of a family crisis, is suddenly claiming to be talking to God. Her mother is a free thinker, once a Jew, and the other main, Ian Fletcher, is an atheist. So is she really seeing God? or is this something the atheist can prove wrong, scientifically (Tom Cruise style).

Well, I don't know, I haven't gotten to that part of the book yet, and I'm not about to touch in detail about religions, because, well, we know how far that has gotten the whole lot of us into arguments.

All I know is (... falling, ahaha sorry, Paramore spirit still buzzing), that God can do what He wants, whenever He wants.

And a recent event, about two months plus ago has really opened my eyes to that.

If you guys were following my Facebook or Twitter statuses, you'd know that my family has recently lost one of its members.

He was an amazing man who battled it out with this evil thing called cancer and won. 2 years later (I think), he was admitted back into hospital, due to vomitting and claims of body pains. When my mother first told me that, I thought he was having a relapse, and I knew that he had enough strength in him to fight it out again.

When I got to the hospital, it turned out to be that one of his arteries were blocked. They had put him to sleep to undergo a simple surgery to clear the artery, but wheeled him back out of the OR with news. Bad news.

Not only one of his arteries were blocked, but three. And don't we live on four?

And that day, since the first dose of anesthesia that they put him under to do the surgery, he didn't wake. Everyone was called in to say their goodbyes, and so a bunch of us--10? 15?--fled the CCU room, tearing, praying, all staying together while watching our dear relative slip away.

He flat lined.

His wife cried, wailed, shocking us to the reality that he's gone. I cried, hard. Mum, who was rather really close to him cried harder. His children, all puffy eyed--well, you can guess.

And then his BP went up again, and then a heart rate. And I was like, "Waitaminute."

What a fighter he is, huh? Everyone calmed the heck down and we then took turns to hang around him. I watched as relative after relative read their prayers.

Eventually, everyone retired to their own homes and we rested.

The second day he was in hospital, I didn't go visit. But Mum was there all day with her Quran, contributing as much as she can along with the other relatives. It was reported back to me that he had woken, saw the tubes leading to his body, and tried taking them off. They had to sedate him so that he wouldn't hurt himself.

The third day, I had returned from a friend's house, back to my house, showered, and went straight to the hospital. The moment I arrived, he left. For good.

What happened after that, I don't wanna talk about, because this is the first time I've lost someone pretty damned close to me. And a lot of people were traumatized. I was stunned.

The day he had passed, just 6 days before that I had embraced him, wishing him a very Selamat Hari Raya, and asked for forgiveness for any wrong doings. He was standing, a healthy man, happy to show me around the house to his wife, of whom I beraya-ed with too, then he told me to eat as much as I can.

Just 6 days before he passed, he was on his own two feet, happy to be welcoming people into his lovely home, to celebrate an amazing Hari Raya.

Where did those 5 days in between go? How did this all happen?

Can Ian Fletcher, the athiest in the book, explain this scientifically? My debate is, no, I don't think so. In a blink of an eye, he went.

He had cancer, brain tumour, and he fought it. He flatlined, came back to life, and went.

WOW God really has His ways with us. But when he was announced gone, the first thing my mother said to me was, "Don't take anything for granted. And don't hold any grudges."

As a reminder of my last post, don't take a moment for granted. Don't hold grudges against anyone.

My Granduncle, he was a really good man. A funny, cute, big man. Youngest of four siblings. The baby. I've seen him in my dreams, 3 times now, and he never says a word, but just offers his presence, which sometimes I wish I had acknowledged more.

But no regrets. I knew him well and I thank God that he was ever related to him.

I guess, bottom line, what I'm ALSO trying to say is, don't regret anything either.

And I've come to a solution to how to avoid regret.

Prevention is a cure.

Prevention for regret? Don't. Take. Things. For. Granted.

If you do, you'll regret it later. If you don't, there's nothing to regret. As simple as that.

With that, I end tonights post. And I wish you all well with preventing regret. Regardless of what religion you follow, or what belief you believe in, or if you don't believe in anything at all, we all have one thing in common, that is we are human.

Whether Muslim, Catholic, Jewish, an athiest, we're all still human, and we've all got feelings. And regret is a feeling we have in common. And I've done my part in telling you how I feel is the best way to prevent it. :)

Have a good night everyone.

I'm starving.

x

T.G.I.F

2010-11-05T11:11:00.002+08:00

Good morning, my dear friends. Guess what I'm watching on TV right now? And I'm pretty captivated by it. Aha, Cheetah Girls. AHAHA. But this one is without Raven.

I woke up this morning feeling, old. Yes, yes, I know I'm only 17 and I haven't even started college yet but yeah, I woke up feeling old. And why, well for odd reasons. Like you know one of my top five favourite feelings? Nostalgia? (The four before would probably have to do with Aiman. AHAH.) Yeah, I've been feeling a lot of that lately. It's that time on the year where suddenly all the old songs start playing, old friends start appearing, childhood movies playing on TV (like this one I'm watching now), old clothes you wore from one of your best nights in highschool fall out of your closet kind of thing. Yeah all these things have been happening to me.

When I speak of old songs, it was when I was at Devi's Hartamas with my love and friends and suddenly Beating Hearts Baby by Head Automatica came on and it rememinded me of the first time ever heard it, then the several times I've used it in a situation. Oh God, that song brings back so many memories. Those times I'd put it on repeat and danced to it in my bathroom when I'm feeling down about a boy, GOD! Bittersweet old times!

And who here have been reading my blog long enough to hear My Heart by Paramore as my blog background song? That was when I was 13? And I had the blogskin with the cartoon men holding guitars and all? So I heard that song play in my mother's car a few days back because the All We Know Is Falling album is in Mum's car and I'm like, whoa, this song also carries so many stories!

(And, on a side note, I love how all those songs, no matter how many different stories I have with them, they all have the same ending story. Aiman Syafiq Alwi.)

And then old friends, I had mentioned earlier. Not so recently, I met all my old year mates from school this year! And that made me feel like, "Oh God, I'm out of school. I miss it. I'm not a high school girl anymore." Even THAT can make me feel nostalgic; can you IMANGINE how I felt when I met my two friends of 8 years, and we all sat down for lunch together and talked about all the old times? Shoutout to belated-birthday girl of 3 days, Banun Atina and Roy Ramzi! But the old feeling hit me when Roy told me his sister is getting married. MARRIED! And I used to go to SCHOOL with this girl! I felt all dizzy when I heard the news but I'm like WOW! We're all growing so fast.

I was watching Masterchef US last night and I was thinking, damn, that's my life in about 2 years, and even though I haven't started at it yet, I'm so freaking close to it, that I forget that I spent 17 years before this getting here. And most of the time I wonder, where did all that time go? And how did I actually get here?

It's amazing, really.

How did we get here?

3 years of blogging, and you're still here reading mine? :) That's amazing.

So I guess what I'm trying to say here is that, we're all growing, and very fast. Don't take one second for granted. Ever. Because if you do, you'll regret it. I lived my high school life to the very gulest. You have no idea. And that's why I miss high school, but I don't wish I could do it all over again. Cos I did all I can.

For now, as I wait for college to start, I'm gonna live what I have to the fullest. Always spend time with my family, never take MY Aiman for granted, keep on building memories with my best friends, Sam, Jade, Iman and the rest of my close pals so we all have something to talk about when I'm feeling like this, again. :)

And then when college starts, I will engrave all my memories right here, on this blog, so when I'm 30 with kids, there's something to show them.

I thank all of you who have been following me from the very start. And maybe you won't get the life you were all banking to read, the life in London, auditioning for West End shows, but you've already got all that performing bits down in my high school life.

Now watch me grow, watch me become an adult. Watch me build my life right here in front of your eyes.

Let's all build new, fresh, unpredictable memories together, so that when we're ACTUALLY old and feeling nostalgic, we're gonna have awesome stories about how we never took anything for granted.

Happy Friday ahead of ya, loves.

x

WANTED: New BLOGSKIN!

2010-10-24T11:03:00.005+08:00

This is a photo I took just yesterday; really appreciating the feedback!

Good morning, folks. Here I am, 11 am in the morning, still tucked in bed and actually, honestly, looking for a new blogskin. I wanted a change since I've had this since God knows when. The only thing is... I seriously CBF-ed to find a new one as well as code all the HTML down right now.

But I'm in desperate need of a change for my blog. Or not? Ahahaha. I don't know.

OKAY. I noticed, I have written a lot about random things but not about my life. Well, about me...

Did you know, I'm going to Taylor's College (Lakesideeee) to take on Culinary Arts? Helllllls yeah. I'm cooking from now on. Forever until the end of time.

Well, that's not true. I'm still doing ballet and I'm actually performing soon this November. :) Details of the show, I'll let you know soon, but it'll be at KLPAC on the 20th &21st November.

So yes. Cooking. And ballet.

Well, I'm hungry as shiz; If you guys have been to THIS LINK before, and like, have seen a Blogskin that suits me, please let me know on Facebook or Twitter. :)

I love Aiman

Out.

x

Cheese.

2010-10-23T00:38:00.000+08:00

It keeps me alive,
Pumps life through my veins,
Beats 100 000 times a day,
Well, you make it possibly a million times a day,
Or maybe less, cos it always skips a few beats whenever I look at you.

I speak of my heart,

And my heart is yours.

of bruises, blood, guitar picks and satisfied faces.

2010-10-21T13:45:00.004+08:00

OKAY! Blogger's server is finally not pissing all over me, so now, I shall come back to life on my Blog and share with you what's been up.

Well, PARAMORE'S CONCERT, that's what's been up!

To all those who didn't go for the Singapore gig but DID go for the one here in KL, wasn't I right, huh huh huh? How AMAZING were they? And I'm sorry to those who went to Singapore's gig but not this one, cos this one rocked so much harder. The set list was 20941209402 times longer. Included with a short acoustic set. :) It was BY FAR, the best concert I've been to. Almost makes me say Mraz, who? But no. I still know who Mraz is. And I still his remember his concert like it was yesterday. But NOTHING can beat this concert for a while, at least. THIS one was, amazing.

To all those who has NEVER caught a Paramore show, here are some photos to help your imagination out.

So first kudos to the band Y2K for scoring the opening gig.

Okay, on to the Paramore show. HOLY CRAP, the Intro was freaking over whelming! The curtains, and the sillhouettes all building up the anxiety so much, that I thought I had to take a puff from my inhaler! Gahh! And then when the curtains dropped and I swear I was having a heart attack.

I LOVED the fact that they did older songs. And that they did When It Rains, cos that song was the song of many of my high school years. Gosh, 3 years to be exact.

And the crowd interaction. Cannot be better than theirs. So many of my friends got so many things from them. Even if it were just looks or winks or smiles.

What I got was a pick from Jeremy, (in the second attempt).

It was really hilarious. He flicked his first one to me, and it landed far away and then disappeared from sight.

Can you imagine everyone else rocking out, then a girl with an orange streak in her hair screaming, "OMG, OMG, WHERE IS THE PIIIIIICK?!" again and again. But then Jeremy came back and flicked me a second one, which I snatched from the security's hand. Cos I'm like, "THATS MIIIIIIIIIIIIINE!"

And then Mr. Zac Farro waved at me before the acoustic set. Cos it was quiet and I screamed, "HIIII ZAC!" and he waved. Yay me. In this video, you can see the wave at 5:26. :)

Do you (the ones who went?) recognize the boy with the green hair in this photo?

Well yes, he is that lucky boy who got to sing MizBiz with Paramore themselves. Holy crap, just thinking about it, I'm turning greener than his hair. Sam and I met him back in Singapore when he bought a meet and greet pass for 200 Sing bucks and I was like, whoa, banyak duit! Ahah. Onhz deserved it though. He loves Hayley more than I love Hayley. And THAT'S a big deal.

So yeah. I almost cried when they did the acoustic set and Looking Up which is a personal favourite. My neck is in SO MUCH PAIN right now.

This is a photo with Darren.

But the BEST PART about this concert was that I got to be a few feet away from one of my favourite bands with 2 people who literally rock my world: Sam and Baby Aiman.

They're two very special people who take care of me INSIDE AND OUTSIDE the mosh pit. :) Beautiful people of my world who managed to experience what was an amazing night with me. :) That's what mattered the most to me. :)

So thank you to Paramore for making it a night to remember. They never cease to amaze me. The amount of acknowledgement I got from Hayley is countless. I guess that's the massive perks to standing RIGHT IN FRONT. (Which is where I'll always be if it's a concert of my favourites).

Well, I hope you guys enjoyed reading my ressurection blog post. :) Feels like I'll be blogging more often from now on. :) Keep on checking for updates!

And follow me on twitter @monkeydisease to keep up with my crazy life filled with nothing but love. That's right. No drugs, no booze, no cigarettes, just clean Edge fun. :)

Don't believe it? START BELIEVING! Ahahahahahahahahaha. Inside joke.

Love to all!

x

balik kampung. oh oh oh.

2010-09-06T04:54:00.000+08:00

My nose is a strange thing. It works very, very well even though I suffer from sinusitis. Funny thing, I can recognize scents from miles away. From the boy wearing Dunhill Desire Red standing 10 feet away from me and it so happens that the wind blew in my direction to the schoolmate that practically bathes in Lacoste Imperial whose smell is still lingering on the 3rd floor of the school building even though my schoolmate's already on the 4th floor.

From how London smells like (I can just imagine Aiman mocking me saying, "OMG, smells like London!" Ehehehe.) to how Sam's kitchen... wait for it... "smells like London."

In fact, many things remind me of the scent of foggy London town.

My ballet studio smells like Jade's place in London.
My room after it's been air-conditioned for hours smells like London's cold air.
The smell of coffee reminds me of how strong the coffee in any Starbucks in London smells just as you step in after getting a good dose of that cold, musky air.

Yes, everything reminds me of London. Because at one point, I loved London so much, it became a second home to me. It was my place of comfort, where I didn't know anyone and at the same time I wanted to get to know all of them.

When I was a toddler I used to call London my kampung.

Ahaha. Why? Well, interesting story. You know how everyone's always making a huge deal about their kampungs and how they're all so excited to go back and how they LOVE their kampung? Well as a child, I used to think kampung meant "a place you like to be" since it seemed to be a place where everyone liked to be. So of course I loved being in London. Therefore, London became my "kampung."

And as to being my place of comfort, it was followed with my comfort scent.

And you're probably wondering; Tash, where the hell is this leading to?

Well, this, my friends, is leading to something... wait for it (God, I've been watching too much How I Met Your Mother)... sentimental. When am I not sentimental?

When you guys (for the ones that are balik-ing kampung, unlike me, cos I have no kampung, cos all my relatives are in KL) get back to your home town, and if you've never done it before, take the time to draw in a huge breath through your nose and smell the scent of what feels like home. It's really overwhelming. It'll be a smell you've probably never noticed before but still smells so familiar. It's a scent you'll never forget, I can promise you that. And it's a scent that you wish you could just manufacture into a perfume that you can spritz yourself with everyday. After you take that whiff of your home, come back to your other home and sniff the clothes you wore again. Nostalgic hit, expected.

Unless you're really old school and stay in a ranch in your kampung then I don't think horse poop would really suit your scent. :)

My mother still remembers her comfort scent of Boston from 20 years ago, and every time she smells it off a new soap I bought or whatever, there's always that calm look on her face, as if comfort, no matter how far you are from where it really is located (in mother's case, Boston), can be right next to you (in mother's case, a freshly showered me.).

Comfort isn't very far away, wherever you are. And this year's Raya is going to be very differently comfortable for me.

Cos usually, every year, my comfort scent on Raya day is the scent of Raya morning and how my corridor always smells faintly of London (note my comfort scent) as I walk downstairs in my baju Melayu to go beraya with my family.

But this year's different cos even though my actual source of Comfort is gonna be in Perlis celebrating Raya, the smell of his house that sticks on his skin and clothes of which some he's left behind for me to keep will keep me company while he's gone for 3 or 4 days. :) Not to forget the two spritz of Dunhill Desire Red I will spray on my wrists to remind me of my oh so Prince Charming.

I have a new comfort scent. And that is the smell of Aiman. He smells awesome. Even his armpits! Ehehehe.

THIS IS MY FIRST RAYA WITH A BOYFRIEND IN MY WHOLE ENTIRE LIFE AND IT'S GONNA BE THE BEST ONE EVURRRRRRRRR! ESPECIALLY because it's Aiman I get to share it with. *CHEESE!

SO I GUESS, in all this rant of comfort and scents and all that jazz, I'm just trying to tell you guys, have a good Raya, and don't forget to enjoy it to every last detail, even if it includes the smell of wet armpits and sweaty hugs due to playing with fireworks on a still, stuffy night.

And also I'm telling you, don't ever forget what your family's home smells like. Cos that nostalgic hit you'll get when you smell it off your sheets or whatever is really an amazing feeling.

Safe Raya everyone! A proper, less confusing Raya post shall be posted when the day comes!

Collect lots of duit raya and come belanja me Carl's Jr. Kthxbai.

x

8am and up!

2010-08-04T08:05:00.002+08:00

Wooo, today is going to be an in'neresting day. I have a photoshoot at 10, complete with a stylist and hair and make up person (first time in my life!), and I'm pretty darn excited for it. I hope I perform well. It's gonna be so strange and different because, well, I can't look at the pictures and delete them if I don't like 'em! Ahaha.

If any of you are home now reading this, turn to RTM1 RIGHT NOW and wait for my beautiful mother to appear. She'll be in your colour box to promote her company's Kelantan Festival at her office Yayasan Seni Berdaftar, this Saturday and Sunday from 10am to 10pm. Look it up on Facebook, I've been tagged in one of the photos.

It's gonna be fun and I'll be there on Sunday! So come and hang out, yeah? Leave me a message on Facebook if you'd like to know more. :)

Well yes, I'll have to gather my things soon to head out for the photoshoot. Practically bathed in lotion last night to keep my skin soft and smooth looking. (I sometimes have the skin of a snake). I'm STARVING so maybe I'll head downstairs and cook me up some breakfast. :)

I've disabled Formspring so if you guys wanna know more about me, I guess you're just gonna HAVE to get to know me. If not, just know me as I appear on this blog. :)

Shoutout to my baby Aiman, I hope he's okay. :) Poor darling is sick! :( I love you much!

x

working at the car wash. oh oh yeah yeah yeah.

2010-08-02T12:54:00.003+08:00

Well, no, I'm not working at the car wash, neither am I at a car wash, but I'm at a work shop, servicing my car.

The room I'm in haunts me with its ghost white walls, and the temperature is cold, making the hair on my arms stand and not in the way I like. Dude, I'm just bored, and I don't know why I felt the need to be over dramatic about where I'm sitting now. PLUS, I'm starving, but after this I'mma get Baby Aiman from his house and we're gonna have an awesome healthy lunch together and this place outside my house which is un-freaking-believably good.

So what's been happening since I was gone?

I came out in the papers last, last Saturday. :D It was pretty damn cool. It was for this charity ball that I'm playing at with my babies, L.O.V.E this Friday at Concorde hotel! Please do look it up. It's a Neon Charity Ball, and it's going to be awesome and I'mma be decked out in Neon clothes! Woot!

And then there was KATY PERRY LIVE OMG! Which was freaking amazing, because I got to go see her with Aiman AND Sameera. She was so amazing live and anyone who told me she can't sing live can eat my fist after it's been dunked in horse poop mixed and stirred with cow dung . :) So freaking IMMATURE of SOME of you to judge people's ACTUAL talents based on ONE video or ONE song. And that's me speaking in general. Grow up and grow a pair. Freaking amazing and even in a full body suit, she was still sexy as ever. :) Her new song Peacock is a new favourite. It's so cheeky, so naughty, so sexy when she sings it. I'm not gay but if I were a guy, I'd do her.

And OMG, was she GORGEOUS or what?

And I loved that I got hugged and cuddle when she sang Thinking Of You. :) I've always wanted to sing the last few words to my baby Aiman and what better way to do it than at the concert of the actual singer with her sweet voice carressing our surroundings whilst I stare him in the eye and tell him what I've been dying to tell him when it was 9 months back? :)

*tear in the eye.

ANYWAYS, I've given up on Formspring, because NO I'm not pregnant, that's just absurd and impossible! And if you guys are so curious to know whether I'm a virgin or not, when I've CLEARLY TOLD YOU LOT, NO PERSONAL QUESTIONS, come here and check, won't ya? Since you're so goddamn curious.

I can be a bitch when the world has been a bitch to me. :) Thanks.

I apologize if the previous two paragraphs have been offensive to some of you, truly, I apologize from deep deep down, but sometimes, I have to fight back. The vulgarity in some people's minds are unbelievable! Sometimes, you just gotta keep your nasty thoughts to yourself, if you don't have anything nice to say, REALLY, PLEASE, spare yourself the embarrassment and don't say anything at all.

So enough with the nasty talk. I hope I've made my point clear.

WELL HAVE A CLEAN WEEK! :)
More good news to come as the week progresses!

x

CC, my sworn enemy.

2010-06-19T23:08:00.002+08:00

Location? Cyber Cafe in Taman Dagang.

Listening to? Alejandro by Gaga.

Mood? Pissed off.

Why? Left 4 Dead won't let me play in peace!

Yes, I'm currently at the cyber cafe with Aiman my baby buchukk and my brother and his girlfriend, supposedly playing Left 4 Dead, but yet the system keeps on shutting down on me. So, I give up.

I'mma blog instead and tell you how my life has been ever since I last wore that darn school uniform. I can't seem to find the words to describe the time I'm having!

Wait, wait. Here's one. Boring.

Ahaha seriously there's nothing to do so here's me going to list out what SHOULD BE HEADING towards the internet from yours truly in the next couple of days. :)

NUMERO UNO, a studio blog on my favourite boys', ATLAS, progress on their studio recording.

TWO, my Bad Romance cover is almost there! If I can nail it right on video, it should soon be up! So please keep a look out for both of the above.

TOI, a picture of me and my P license maybe? Ahaha, wish me luck?

EMPAT, new darn photos. Some of which I'm sure you will like, especially if you've liked the December photos of me and Aiman? :D

So yeah. I've been spending an immense amount of time with Aiman, but I'm sure you guys are not surprised about that. :)

Currently missing Sameera Faruqi to bits cos she's in the US, ogling Bam Margera lookalikes. Hahah, the dude really looks like Bam. AND to top it all off, his name is Brendon, like Bam's real name. Or, initial name. Yes, some of you may remember, I had a massive Bam Margera obsession back in those days.

Well, I'm off. My fingers are freezing and I'm going to go watch Aiman play L4D as I sulk in despair because this damn computer won't friend me. *pouts.

Have a good night. Hit me up on Formspring or Twitter, as usual.

the smaller things.

2010-06-03T01:04:00.004+08:00

"And if you stumble on to something better, remember that it's humble that you seek."

- Jason Mraz's Song For A Friend.

Oh, a line that became like a following to me. So many ways to interpret it but I looked at it like this.

So many good things can and will happen to you in life. And when those good (or better than things currently are) things happen to you, don't forget to be humble.

One international celebrity has recently be getting on my nerves with the way the person is TOTALLY DOWN TO EARTH. *Note sarcasm. If you can figure out who it is, I'll give you a cookie. ;)

I might appear or seem a little stuck up at times, but please don't take the wrong way. It's probably my best friend, IGSCE getting in the way. :)

On a less sentimental note:

I'm sneezing like crazy now. What is up with my nose? I don't know. It's driving me crazy.

But I've had a good night with Dad and Aiman Loverrrr. Heheh. And so with that, this is gonna be a short one and I'm gonna leave you guys here now.

Formspring for questions and such.
I apologize for not answering your questions recently. Soon, I promise.

Have a good night guys. May it be a humble June ahead of us.

x

ever seen a proposal?

2010-05-29T23:51:00.002+08:00

Well no, not The Proposal where dear Sandra Bullock and Ryan Reynolds act in. Okay, lame I know, but whatever. Have you actually witnessed a "will-you-marry-me?" proposal in real life before?

Well, I just did.

Not a proposal for me. Gosh, I don't think I'm legal yet to get married. Haha. But someone else's proposal. I got so excited. Well, first time!

It went a little like this.

I arrived at this beautiful place with like, 3 restaurants in one location called Tamarind Springs. Owh the atmosphere there is incredible! If you haven't been there yet, get your parents or something to go with you. I went with mum and her friends and the ambiance is like whoa. Oh, have to go there with Aiman dearest sometime.

So there was an issue with our table so we kept on being shifted here and there and everywhere and finally we got to this one table, outside, next to a pool. It was starting to rain but we sat there for a while, while the hostess was figuring out what to do with us lot. I was just looking around and saw a group of young people come down from a private hut on top of the hill with heart helium balloons! (I FREAKING LOVE HELIUM!)

There were about 10 girls, the 10 boys but one without a helium balloon but holding a bouquet of flowers.

I looked around and finally noticed the banner that read, "Will You Marry Me?"

Que for FREAK-OUT. I turned to Mama and was like, "Maaaa! Loook! Someone's gonna propose!"

And just then the hostess goes, "We'll sit you under the shade now."

Mama and I simultaneously go, "Shhh!" at the hostess. Haha. The girlfriend was about to arrive. How did we know? We heard the girls whispering wildly. Then finally, she arrives.

"Surprise!" first the girls in front scream, and the girlfriend kisses all of them on their cheeks, and then "Surprise!" again, the boys at the back scream and you see the boyfriend strut over to her with his bouquet of flowers.

The two hug, and then they talk for a while, and they're both smiling at each other as if there were no one else around them.

"Ma'am, shall we seat you now?" the hostest budges us again but mum and I shushed her again. (We didn't mean to be rude. We were just so into this real life drama. Haha.)

And then, the crucial moment comes. He gets down on one knee. And instead of just the actual party cheering, I screamed too. I couldn't help it. This was better than the movies. But I couldn't hear what he was saying.

Then she said, "I'll think about it first." Okay. Que potong stim sial.

He was just about to get up again then she said, "Hey, hey just joking," she pushed him back to his knee. Woo, ganas. "Yes, of course," she says and he gets up and they hug! If I were the boyfriend, I'd prolly shit my pants by that time.

It was a really nice sight and I admit, tears collected in my eyes and I applauded even more than I should've. But it was the first time ever for me, to see something like that happen right in front of my eyes. Amazing!

Well, let's just say, I'm a sucker for romance. And it was a splendid surprise to see that proposal. :)

But I would like say, Aiman's Valentines surprise last year kicked this proposal in the ass. Kthxbai. HEEHEE!

So there you have it. One hell of an interesting day lived by me.
One of the many. With the company I have? I feel purely blessed that God gave me the people I have with me now. Family, Aiman, Sam and all.

Just waiting to see more of Iman, get JADE home and OH MY, did you hear my penpal from the Philippines, Gennell Serano is coming down to KL to spend her holidays with me? Let's welcome her to KL with open arms okay?

Well okay, this is goodnight for me. Full with Thai/Malay food and I'm really sleepy.

Questions? CLICK HERE FOR MY FORMSPRING.

You guys know my Twitter.

x

guess who's back?

2010-05-28T17:39:00.002+08:00

Shady's back, tell your friends...

... WHAAAT, everyone report to the dancefloor, to the dancefloor, to the dancefloor. Now everyone report to the dancefloor, okay STOP. My jam is on.

Ha! Hello, Earthlings. I am back from my PMS. :p I admit, I did go a bit dramatic in my last few posts, where I thought hell, I don't have time for this. But I'm a week off IGCSE now and hell, I'm back cos honestly, I miss writing so damned much.

So as suggested on the oh so amazing Formspring, I've deleted the cBox so now I can filter your nastiness and your questions. :) Though, thank you so much for all the support from you guys that gave 'em to me. I really appreciate it and it's really made me come to realize that the lovers suggestions beats out the haters any time.

So yes, do I get a welcome party for coming back to the blogging world? Haha. LOL, just joking. I'm Asian. (Freak, I love that line.)

On more serious terms, something woke me up today that made me want to write so bad.

A lot of people have it real bad out there with a little thing we call "publicity". Okay well, it's not that little but it's a horrendous thing at moments.

As some of you might know, one of my idols has had an accident on the Internet and now she can't take it back because some people have really quick fingers. Pressing Print Screen isn't exactly hard to do either.

I don't want to say her name because I want to respect her, but from this post, you guys would already know her anyway. But whatever, as long as I didn't say her name.

So yeah either she got hacked or she accidently pressed the wrong buttons and got a shot of her topless out on the internet. And before you guys get your mouths racing about how no one should take inappropriate photos of themselves to begin with, let's just put that thought aside because now, it has already happened. We'll get to looking of what we can do now.

So okay, ONE topless photo, countless number of sites. And I've read all the comments and stuff on it and it really breaks me to see most of the sites assume the worst of her.

For example, some of the sites suggested she willingly put the photo of herself to get attention. Please, this WOMAN has more than enough attention than she already needs. Plus, she could probably get 3219808 times more attention by just breathing than I could get by bungee jumping off KLCC. Naked. Geez.

Well, okay, I KNOW it doesn't make sense to say her Twitter got hacked because how would the hacker have gotten the photos? Or whatever la, nothing make sense to me right now.

But then why think of the worst of her? I doubt they hate her, they just wanna make her look bad. I don't like it. And it sucks like global warming cos there's nothing we can do to stop the climate change or these people from putting up what they wanna think.

I just wish people could be a little nicer and not always try to bring the bigger people down.

I think I've been idolizing her long enough to know that she wouldn't do such a thing just for attention. Well maybe because I adore her so much that's why I'm not thinking of the worst of her.

I'll still idolize her from now till the end.

I'm going to support her through this even though I am 1 out of millions that adore her. But for every hater she has, bringing her down on the internet, she gets 1000 supporters or even more supporters back. My support counts, okay? If you know what this is all about, support her too okay? She's an amazing person and I swear regardless of her now tarnished image, she remains flawless to me.

Please, if Pete Wentz could do it, AND get away with it, why can't she?

So I would like to also thank all the supporters for being there for me. Including my friends, family and of course Aiman. *Enter hearts here.

Questions? Revert to http://formspring.me/monkeydisease You guys know my Twitter. Keep up with me and IGCSE and my loved ones there. Keep up reminds me of Keeping Up With The Kardashians. I love their hair. Great to be back! x

you know what?

2010-04-27T23:01:00.002+08:00

I'm sick of blogging and then being shunned and so rudely addressed by some of you. (And I know it's not you Selina, don't worry.)
Why are some of you lingering around on my blog if you don't even like me?

And hey, I know la what's right and wrong for me. But who are you to tell me off like you're my mother? I sedar lah okay. I sedar. I realize my race and religion. Don't assume that I don't okay. You know how much SHIT ASSUMPTIONS PUT YOU IN?

Lord, I'm gonna start praying that some of you just. Grow. The. Hell. Up.

If it's offensive to you, get. Off. My. Page.

And then all these PHOTO THIEVES?! Can't you just have a face of your own? Oh my God. Annatasha Dania or whoever the eff you are, just get a life, damnit! That's not the first impostor I've had.

So screw blogging, and screw trying to be nice anymore.

Bye.

good morning Malaysia!

2010-04-23T10:33:00.004+08:00

I always get this feeling on a day like this; when my eyes split open, my tummy quakes, a smile spreads across my face, the skin on my body tingles, the sunlight shining through my window is somehow extra bright to me, and instead of squinting in disgust that another morning has arrived and I have to go to school, I smile back at the sun with full spirit.

If you add "my heartbeats start to get wonky, fast, slow, really slow, stops, fast, faster, it goes," then you'll get the feeling I get when I see Aiman. Hahaa.

But less the cheesy heartbeat line and you get the feeling I get when someone's birthday has arrived! Someone special, mind you!

Everybody, stand up and give a standing ovation to...

Sameera Rashida Faruqi!

There's my Sammeyh, rocking the bass, though she plays rhythmic guitar for L.O.V.E.

And then I found this extremely camwhoring photo of her that I've never seen before until like yesterday and lookattt herrr! Hahahahah. Damn, girl. You so sexy!

The girl has really helped me so much. With my tears, with my hurt, with my pain, with my troubles, with my emotions.

Let me give you long reasons why she's my best friend.

1. She just knows when something's wrong with me. It's like, she just knows. Every time I'm not acting right or if I look just even a LITTLE down, she'll always ask me what's wrong. And that's the best part, she'll always ask me. She won't shrug it off just to avoid a long emo rant or rage session just because she doesn't want to hear it. She actually does want to hear it.

2. She puts up with not only my ranting sessions, she also puts up with the ranting-sessions-with-no-words A.K.A the crying sessions. Oh, I remember somewhere early last year, we were pretty tight but not as tight as we are now, obviously, and I was crying about something. Like a baby. And I can say I hadn't cried like that in a long time at that point. We were all at Razlan's house but he was sitting on the can, so Sean and Sam were in the room sitting with me calming me. And then Sam just takes me for a walk down to the community pool and we just sit there for an hour or so talking before we head off to a gig to perform. She saved my emotions before a freaking performance. That's something.

3. We share HELLOFFALOT of epic moments together, me and her. It's like The Epic Adventures Of Sameera And Tasha. I swear, and then all we ever do is laugh sometimes and act totally stupid in what we call OUR MYVI. Haha. Yes, she calls HER car, OUR Myvi. :)

4. She gets along with my other loved ones sooooo well! My mother, who absolutely loves her, always asking where she is, always wanting her to come on vacations with us. Mikhail, who is absolutely IN LOVE with her, up to the point he shunned his kindergarten sweetheart aside for Sam. Abang, who can talk to her at the dinner table about absolutely anything, and I can tell you my older brother never converses with any of my girlfriends that well! And of course, Aiman and her get along really, really well. Well, what do you expect when you have the two of them forced to go out together with me 100% of the time. Haha! He teases her, she teases him, they make fun of each other, and yet I know they both deep down, really, really like each other.

5. She runs to me too when she needs help. And that's of course a reason why she's my best friend too. I'd help her with absolutely anything in the world. With college, with work, with boys. Hell, if a boy breaks her heart, I'll break his face with a golf stick, then beat him 31024943928 times with my brother's baseball batt, and then run over him with OUR Myvi. I would really help her with anything, do anything for her, as she has done EVERYTHING for me.

This section special sikit...

On behalf of my mother and Aiman:

Sam, I would like to thank you for always picking me up and driving me around. :) And then always picking Aiman up and sending him home too right before sending me home. I swear, I don't think any other friend would do that for me. I don't know why you do it! But I am NOT complaining. When I get my license, I swear, I will drive you anywhere you want to. We could go up to Thailand if you want, I don't care. I owe you shitloads of petrol for the past 2 years. Hehehehehe.

See? Which best friend would pick up the boyfriend of the best friend too?

Omg, she's a saint. Hahaha. She's such a blessing to me. :)

Thanks for always being around when I need you, Sam. And thanks for the amazing years we've shared. The Ups the Downs the upside downs. Everything.

I love you lah, Sameera! Have a good 19th birthday.
Next year when you laugh at me for being 18 and old, I'll remind you that you're turning TWENTY next year. HEHEHE.

Sorry I can't get you Shayley Bourget on a piano.

x

what's love?

2010-04-16T10:07:00.004+08:00

... And what's money have to got to do with anything here? Why are you asking me if I'm rich? What's it got to do with anything? I don't like people asking me about money. Money isn't everything.

I love your curiosity about my life, just please respect and understand that some stuff are just not meant to be phrased into questions. I seriously don't like all this money talk. People who have been reading my blog since the beginning should know that all I ever speak of is music, life, and love of all sorts. And I would very much like if we keep it that way.

Thanks to those who backed me up.

Please ask your friends to ask me relevant questions next time.

I'm taking 6 subjects.
Yes, I pray. More often these days.
And I appreciate the love being given to me on my blog. Thank you so much for reading.

Lots of love from my end of the computer.

i have returned.

2010-04-05T23:58:00.003+08:00

And I am ready to leave you guys a fat one to read.

Samira Davidson is home and I'm glad she finally got to meet my love, Aiman and his friends as well as the other Sameera of my life. She's been great company and it's been ages since I've last saw her. :) It was brilliant to finally have her home and around the people I'm most comfortable with. She slept over twice and both brilliant nights. :)

We didn't get to eat burger Ramli and drink air syrup like last time but it's okay. This time round we did it differently! :) Clean, may I add. :)

Aiman and I got a bunny named Biscuit! She's the cutest thing ever and she's so adorable and fun to hug and love. :) I love her to bits. She's our baby. Can you believe it? My mother finally agreed to let me get a bunny. Thanks, ma.

I'm stuck for something to write. I've never had this before but today I am getting it. I'm so sorry guys. So much for giving you guys something nice and long to read.

But as for the international/national school question thing. I shifted to international school because I was offered a scholarship to the Cempaka International School. The scholarship didn't apply for national school. So hey, where there's saving money, that's where I'm at, yeah?

Money isn't everything. But it is essential. The more money we can save, the better we can plan out our future, yes? Save, don't splurge on unnecessaries. Unless you feel you yourself deserve a shopping spree, go for it. :)

Save trees too. I saw trees get chopped down on the way to school the other day for extra classes. Not nice.

I'm recycling my old PMR/SPM books that I had before I moved to international school. If you guys need any, please ask, or I'm going to recycle. :)

I guess I'm going to go cuddle Biscuit now. Yes everyone. Please welcome Biscuit to our family. :)

Welcome To The Family.
A Day To Remember.

Yeah they're the shit.

I'm also REALLY excited for Escape The Fate's new album. Aiman got me all excited showing me their trailer. WOOOOOOOT!

Okay loves, I should really go now.

Love to everyone.
More to come next time, I hope.

x

Edit: I just read the cBox, and saw the whole conversation and all, and hey, I'm proud to be Malaysian, but with IGCSE's, I have a better chance in getting into the school of my choice. :)
The scholarship and the fact that the international syllabus is going to help me in UK is the reason why I've headed to international school.

I was in Cempaka Damansara doing the national syllabus for 6 years. Sri Garden before that. Nothing wrong with them both.

But honestly, I'll forever be a Malaysian and there's nothing wrong with national school. In fact, I love and miss it a lot. Honestly speaking.

And I'm 17.
And yes, I was in West Side Story.
Anita, mamasita.
Kthxbai.

the post you've been waiting for.

2010-03-26T15:55:00.002+08:00

Paramore LIVE in Singapore, March 7th 2010.

A day to mark on all calenders of those whom attended the concert. It. Was. BRILLIANT! The adrenaline, the excitement, the company.

Now I bet you never thought I'd ever say this, but I honestly think it was the best concert I've ever been to. Even better than Jason Mraz's. Yes. I said it. I said it! Sue me! But it was because everything went so brilliantly, I can't seem to let go of it.

Despite the fact that Sameera and I were crushed through CrushCrushCrush (ironic, much?! Okay, lame) and That's What You Get, and despite the fact I couldn't hold Aiman's hand during The Only Exception cos he was seated some where else, we still had one hell of a time in the front row of the concert. ;) Yes, that's right. We were front row and center of the show! We waited from morning, (And Kudos to those Singaporeans who slept overnight!)

Hayley's vocals were spot on. She does it even more amazing live than any of her recordings. She was looking MIGHTY SEXY with her leapord skinnies and really tiny Minor Threat baby tee. Oh and if you were close enough to her, you'd notice she had sewn on that Brand New Eyes butterfly as knee patches. Her short hair really works with her sweat really well. Call me crazy, but I think she's hot. And no, I'm not lesbian.

Taylor! Oh Taylor. You did a spanking good job at playing Josh's parts. Though Aiman did tell me after the concert that he bent his strings too much in Decode during the solo so it sounded off key. So how? Nevermind lah. He's still amazing. OH WAIT. Haha. Did anyone else at the concert notice the epic fail of a guitar swing? It was hilarious. But he laughed at himself so that's awesome of him. :) Everyone still loves him anyway even though his guitar got stuck on his back. :)

Zac Farro! Dum dum d-d-d-d-dum! Drums. Well everyone knows I like drums. I love drummer. Yes. It's singular. No, I'm not bad in English. But I love drummer. You all already know who. Well as for Zachary Farro here, he's did well. :) Very energetic drumming. Kept me like wowed through out the whole time. Only flaw that I noticed was the outro of Where The Lines Over Lap where he paused, and then continued again. Bet anyone even noticed. :)

But let me tell you, everyone makes mistakes huh? It's not about the mistakes, it's about how well you cover them up. :) And well, these guys are professionals. They definitely know what they're doing. ;)

Justin York! Yes, it's not Jimmy, it's Justin. Even though he played close to the amps and was just really humble in his corner, he definitely deserved the love he got. :) Harmonies with Hayley was nice and hell, he made Paramore sound as if he wasn't a replacement. :)

And Aiman's favourite, JEREMY! Oh, he makes the bass look so good. And his head banging, oh my. He was really, really into the performance. Not to forget to mention that he smiled at me when everyone ignored him to look Taylor. :D

Yeah, call me delusional but I was close enough to see all they're eyes. :)

The music arrangement, the tweaks here and there, the vocal surprises, it was all so well planned and amazingly done. I wish and hope my own band will be as good as them someday! I swear! L.O.V.E will come back to life when Sean Leslie comes home on May 7th. :) FINALLY!

I really wanna thank Paramore for letting me experience one of my best musical nights ever. I wanna thank my mother for letting me go experience it. I wanna thank Sameera for being there to share it with me. I wanna thank Dan for his company. I wanna thank Baby Biscuit for putting the cherry on top of that beautiful weekend.

Gratiousness goes a long way. :)

And what a beautiful weekend it was. A weekend with best friends, mother and love of my life. A special weekend it was too.

For making the weekend extra special I would love to thank Aiman Syafiq Alwi. :)
He is seriously the only one for me. I swear on my life. Cross my heart.

It was the weekend of my life... so far. ;)

TOMORROW!
Aiman, Aqil Fathil and I will be performing for that ICC event in Sentul. Please do come and give us your support cos, well, I haven't performed in ages. I'm glad to be doing this performance with Baby Biscuit and Aqil though. :) So talented la these boys. They're so good. Jealous. Hahaha.

So please come for the Interact Club event and show us some love! We'd really appreciate it!

I have to go study now. Heh.
Love to all!

x

Edit: I just pressed the backspace button and it went to the previous page and I thought I lost everything. Thank God for autosave! MWAHAHAHAHHAHAH!

x again.

post long overdue.

2010-03-20T17:47:00.002+08:00

And yet this one has to be a short one.

So a quick apology for the really late update. I've been busy in the Fusion Academy of Performing Arts' workshop with really, really talented people. :) I've made so many new friends and really, it was one hell of a week! Love all of them to bits!

I got lucky I guess because the Founder of Fusion, Ben Douglas, approached my mother and told her to ring him up when we get to London so he can help me out with my musical theater stuff there. :D WOOOOOWEEEEEE! ACHIEVEMENT OF THE MONTH!

As for the PARAMORE concert, well that one deserves a post to itself.

Since this one has to be short, I won't talk about any of the above in detail YET. It'll come, I promise. But I gotta go now and go cuddle my Baby Biscuit. ;)

As quick replies to the cBox, how did I get my name up on Google? Isn't everyone on Google? Hahaha.
No I'm not taking SPM, I'm taking IGCSE.
And yes, :), I took your advice. Thanks for suggesting it. :)

OKAY EVERYONE, OFF TO WATCH SOME TV AND RELAX WITH AIMAN. :)

x

march is a sweetheart.

2010-03-05T23:51:00.003+08:00

Paramore, HERE I COME!

A loooong day tomorrow, and really, I should be sleeping right now but I just have to blog before I leave!

Can you imagine, my favourite band, playing, and I get to go with my favourite people! My mother is driving, then Sameera and I in one car, probably with Aiman and Dan trailing right behind us. :) It's going to be so fun!

I cannot wait to see Hayley's hair burn her deep red hair dye on stage this Sunday! My goodness, can you believe how beautiful these past few Marches have been? Last year. YESTERDAY, last year, in fact, I got to meet Jason Mraz. Look in my March archive to find the whole story.

This year, I get to see one of the best bands live, PLAY live.

I'm all hyped up! And the fact that my loved ones are coming with me is making me even more hyped than ever! A weekend of pure bliss.

Can't forget to mention that we're driving back RIGHT after the concert though cos I have a Math and Accounting paper the next day. Die die die.

But whatever. This moment, spent with the people I love most, watching a band I've never seen live before, is all going to be worth it.

We're staying in JB tomorrow night so why don't you follow me on Twitter to find out how shit plays out, hey? :) I'll be tweeting as much as I can so for those of you at home who couldn't make it, won't be left out. :)

I'll only be bringing my small camera to the concert cos I wouldn't want my SLR to be confiscated. But I'll try my best to work the camera. I bet Hayley is going to look gorgeous. Too bad Josh Farro won't be around. Someone's too busy planning his wedding. (Josh, wedding planner?) Haha okay, I won't diss. I know it's a sweet thing of him to stay home and plan it with his fiance. :p

So in replacement of Josh, we have Taylor York's brother, Jimmy York, I think. Bro-hood runs in the band, huh?. But no Farro Brothers for us. It's going to be odd, I feel.

Like, the Alwi brother's without one of them.

I will be screaming for Jeremy, too of course. He doesn't get enough credit, and I don't think it's fair.

But if Hayley goes missing; well, you'll know I would have kidnapped her and forced her to be my best friend and forced her to wear cute friendship bracelets. :)

SO WHO'S READY FOR PARAMORE?!

Replies to the cBox:

Shu Fei, babe, yeah. He is a part of me just as the rest of my family is. :)
Thanks to ayu, Deezy, mj, kiru, yaya and sha for all the support. :) I'm glad you guys are fighting for me. :) People like you keep me going!
future director, really, it's fine. But as I said, I'll tell the story. :)
:), hehe thanks, Mikhail is truly a blessing.
Greacemonkey, haha promote myself? How am I doing that? :p Nothing to promote also; I'm not even singing anymore, sadly, thanks to my exams.
NISHA, gosh, we miss you too! Come home already!
sarah zain, thank you so much! :) Them, plus my older brother, are the three most important men in my life! :) Honestly speaking.
surprised, no room for sadness here, sweetheart. :) Just be as happy as I am that things turned out alright afterall, yeah? :) Thanks though for calling me an inspiration. I never thought I'd be looked at as one!
lara, you guys, meaning...? Aiman and I? :)
sofia, sorry dear! I just have so much to say, you know? And I don't think a tweet or a Facebook status change would be enough space. :p
anis, thanks so much! I love that you do. :) Makes me want to write more. :)
I apologize, Mik3 Shinoda for the long posts.
Oh and yaya, love you too. You've been so sweet to me :)
Oh, oh and one more, smiley, hells no are you gonna get your hands on my man. :)

ANYONE try and break us, just wait.
Cos this... us... yeah, we're meant to last forever.
So try something, and I'll try something on your face. :)

RAWRRR! Just joking.
But no. Don't mess with us.
Cos you won't like me when I'm angry.

Practice kindness and grattitude, people! No attitude okay? :)

Love to all. Keep checking for updates!

x

let's get this straight.

2010-03-01T00:30:00.002+08:00

Stop making speculations about how my baby brother appeared in the picture. I'll tell you myself.

Mikhail is adopted. Mother adopted him when he was 2 weeks old and I was 13. I came up with calling him Mikhail just so I could call him Mikey after Mikey Way. Yes, I was once a die hard fan of My Chemical Romance.

Now, lovelies, I'll tell you the personal stuff. Don't have to ask. Cos my personal life does have a limit on what I should or should not share with the world. I'm quite bummed I had to let this one out because Mikhail has already become such a part of us, I forget that we're not related by blood. And you know what? I'm gonna keep thinking we're related by blood. Cos he is the most precious thing in the world. Our family is blessed to have him with us.

So do this with me? Believe he's my baby brother by blood, just as I do.

Thanks.

x

ready for sentimentality?

2010-02-28T01:51:00.003+08:00

Okay, so a certain question popped up in my cBox asking how come I only post about my mother and not about my father.

Well, here's the moment of truth, surprised.

Since I was 1, I've been living without a father, and really, don't sympathize cos me cos he's still alive, lovelies. My parents are as simple as divorced. And okay, so I have been living without a father for the past 16 years, but don't be hating him either.

He's still around and we still meet once in a while when he's not busy.

And pa, I love you, and maybe all my early years I had dreamed of having a full house family under one roof but a couple has got to do what a couple has to do, right?

Mother has been nothing but the best, playing two roles in one so kudos to her and father has been there when I need someone to talk to when mother is busy. So all's good, you know?

Conflicts and complications in the family are one thing, but to raise above it and still get along, no matter what the cause of the divorce was is what matters most, yeah? I'm an optimistic person, and what was my parents problems, remains their problems.

I'm not gonna hate my dad just cause he didn't fight for the family (IF that's the case). I'm not gonna hate my mum for not wanting to keep the family together just because things weren't working out for them. If they are comfortable living their own lives in their own way, (even if that means their children go to my mother), so be it. At least they're comfortable.

Better than them plastering smiles across their faces, pretending to be The Brady Bunch and lying to us (their children), right?

A place with no lies is a place of comfort. And I've found that in my family.
And also one more person.
You guessed it.
Aiman.

And maybe you guys have gotten sick of reading all this mushy stuff I write about him, but this is the moment where I really want all of you to listen. Or read, more like it.

Where there is no lying, that's where I feel most comfortable around. And Aiman and myself don't ever keep anything from each other. He is my best friend, you know? He isn't just a simple boyfriend that I kiss whenever I want or just a person I have to feel wanted.

No.

He's also the best friend. There are somethings in my short-lived 17 year life of mine that I can't seem to open up about to anyone but him. He won't laugh, unless laughter is needed. He won't joke, unless jokes are needed. And he definitely won't judge, unless judgment is needed.

I think people misunderstand my relationship with him. They think we're just girlfriend, boyfriend, the whole you're mine, I'm yours kind of thing.

But believe me when I say it's more than that.

Because there are no lies. If there were, his arms wouldn't be my comfort zone.

Cos lies are cheats. And cheating is a filthy thing to do.
Doesn't matter whether you're cheating money, cheating business or cheating a partner. It's filthy and I am very repulsed by it.

I think about it this way.

I would never cheat on my love. Because to cheat on him, I'd have to cheat myself.
To cheat on him, would mean that I don't love him as much. And that is the biggest lie I could hear. Cos I love him with all of me, all my heart. If I cheated, I know I'd be the biggest liar since the movie Liar, Liar. My mother would be disappointed if I did become the biggest liar in the world.

Now, would I like to be a liar? I don't think so, honey.

I keep things clean.
I learn this from experience. Of course I've been cheated on before. By a thing I would like to call the the past.
And it hurts. It really does. Your heart will just drop and crash into pieces, then burn and get swept away with the wind like nobody even noticed you had a heart to begin with. That's exactly how it felt.
But I don't grovel in the pain long gone after it has happened.
I learn from it. Easy.

I say, if you don't feel like you love the person you're with anymore, don't take that as a reason to cheat on him/her. Just tell you're partner. It'll hurt less than to find out in the future that you were actually flinging with someone else.

Cos if they say, "Why did you have to hurt me like this?"
You say, "At least this is the truth."
Cos nobody deserves to hurt like that. And prolonged truths equals to harsher pain.
Even if you don't cheat on the person, you're lying if you hold on to him/her when you don't even love him/her anymore, you know?
Don't be greedy. Just let go.

And as for Aiman and I. Well, like I said. No lies. No secrets. Just plain clean truth with one another. And I think it's safe to say, we're gonna be together no matter what. Whether you like it or not. We're sticking around together for a very long time. Forever, perhaps? Insya'Allah.

Forever's a word I used to fear.
But where I found no lies, and where I found my comfort, is where I found my courage to say it. And that is with Aiman.

Let's not lie, everyone, please?
There are enough people in the world already doing that for us. Politicians, salesmen and women, advertisements. Let them do the lying. They've done enough to cover for all of us.

Cos if there were no lying in the world, then it'd be one hell of a comfortable place right?

To wrap all this sentimentality up, I'd like to end it with another Aiman note. I want everyone out there, whoever is even interested in reading this to know that I stand with him no matter what. In his roughest times, in my roughest times, you will find us together and I can promise you that I will never hurt him. I wouldn't dream of doing so.

I will take care of him forever. Till death do us part. Because he isn't only a lover, he's also a best friend. And with this, I formally end this blogpost.

This has been nothing but the truth. And I hope you enjoy truth, and start sharing it with the world around you.

Practice kindness and gratitude everyone.
And be thankful you have what you have. Cos sometimes what you have is what other people long to have.
A full-house family, perhaps?
But even with that I am grateful I have a stable two thirds of a family.
And not to forget to mention an amazing group of friends and a loving boyfriend.

I am thankful.

Goodnight everyone. Enjoy the rest of February and let's start a good clean March!

x

p.s: Vanna shirt to bed tonight!
p.p.s: Thanks for the replies on the cBox. Sorry I can't reply to them today but thanks for all the good wishes and no, adtr, you cannot have my boyfriend. :)

what goes on between us, no one has to know.

2010-02-25T09:15:00.002+08:00

... This is a private show...

Yes, Jamie Cullum's voice is currently playing in the background, crooning the sweet sexy lyrics of Don't Stop The Music.

10 more days to PARAMORE! OMG! *cries*

I think I'm in trouble. Uh oh. For my grades in school. Okay, so I have been too tied up in performing and trying to get myself into Performing Arts college. Okay, so I blame myself for the bad grades for these trials (only the second one out of four, mind you.)

But hey, I improved from last trials. Okay, maybe not TREMENDOUSLY improved or in Maths case, I didn't improve at all. But, HOLD IT, my grades didn't drop. :) I got the EXACT same marks for Maths!

Okay, okay. So my mum has to swing by school later to speak to my Maths teacher.

BUT this is me just trying to be optimistic. But no harm in that right? The world needs more optimistic people. For those who get higher grades than me, and well, complain, just to give a little hoo haa hello to you guys that hey, you could've been worst. You could've gotten my grades. Then what would you do? Be happy! Optimistic! Happy is good. And happy makes the world go round. :) YouknowwhatImean? :)

Look, I've been asked before, how come I can be bright on stage but not in class. Ouch, much? Well, it is maybe, JUST MAYBE LA, cos I actually love being on stage. I don't just like it, I love it, I grovel in it, I aspire towards it.

And yes, I can put more effort into my studies. As usual, like the teachers always say, "You could do better if you put a bit more effort into it."

And okay, fine, I know I can do better. I will do better. I WILL. Just give me some time to catch up with my work. I have been neglecting them for some time now but only because my heads been in my performing with school. I WILL do it though, I PROMISE all of you. Mother, teachers, friends, boyfriend, everyone. Just wait and see. :)

I'm just sorry I took so long to get here.
But I'll get there okay? :) Just have a little more faith in me.

Okay. On a funner term:
Swimming Gala is this Saturday in CILC. Baby Buiscuit a.k.a Aiman Syafiq will be coming like he did last year. :) Maybe with his older brother Dan Alwi cos Mr. Big Brother has a little special someone in my school now too. ;)

It's gonna be fun, well I hope. A lot of work to do though, since Lady Captain here is going to have to make sure everything's in track. :) Just thinking about it is tiring. But I'm gonna try and make it fun! Well, look who sounds like a cheerleader. :p

Now, please keep your fingers crossed for me please? For that Parent Teacher meeting at 11am? I hope my mother is in a better mood than this morning. Somehow she was a bit off. Maybe the Lion Dance at Mika's kindergarden made her happier? This is just my wishful thinking.

But yes, please, please, please pray I don't get slayed after the meeting. I'm so afraid my mother's gonna skin me when I come home tonight from parking and seeing Aiman.

I really need Sameera Faruqi and Baby Biscuit now. Hugs, please?

Replies to the cBox:

mel, thank you so much for the support! :)
anon, I'm glad I was able to help! If anything, I'm here for everyone! :)
mia! AWH! Haha love you too! :)
sasha, yes, I am muslim. :)
:):):), that is so sweet of you to say! Thank you so much! Mwaaahhh!
smiley, HEHE! Thank you! :D I know I'm a very lucky girl. Counting my blessings everyday! :)

So yeah.
Shout out to Andrew Sachdev for sitting behind me and just looking cool. HA.

Oh Maths Teacher, please be gentle on my mother. Thank you.

x

p.s: It's now I.A and E.S, yeah Baby Biscuit? ;)

of langterns and love.

2010-02-22T10:21:00.008+08:00

Happy Chinese New Year!

The first Chinese New Year I did not celebrate at my mother's accountant's house because well, his mother fought with his wife so no yee sang for us! :(

Nevertheless! It was a good good holiday! :) Shall we go day by day? I'll summarize, so don't cry, my lovelies. The first few days are gonna be a tad bit longer though. :) HELLO? Valentines?!

Holidays started on Friday.
On Friday... (Wait let me go look through my tweets to remember! :p)

Okay so Friday was a bit hectic for me. Hehehe. I spent all day preparing for the day after, 13th February, because well, it's Aiman and my special day. I made sticky notes of several colours with random messages to leave on his wall. I sat quietly with my mother and my aunt who's getting married in November in her office and did the notes on my own while waiting for Sameera to get me so that I can accompany her to her college to do sister duties. :)

6 o'clock hit, and she arrived in front of my house, we went all the way to Shah Alam to pick up Sufiyan (yes, THE Sufiyan from Cempaka), sent him home, and then went to Aiman's house (while he was out) and his mother let me in the stick those stickies on his wall! :)

Had to do it quick before Aiman suspected anything then went to Damansara to join him and his friends then went to HARTAMAS to meet up with a photographer who wanted to shoot us together then yeah.

He didn't suspect a thing.

Sam and I sent Aiman back to his friends in Damansara then went home and I patiently waited for him to notice his surprise.

And then my Jason Mraz ringtone starts ringing in my ear singing, "Ooo loo loo loo layyy." Yes, it's 1000 Things. I "slide to answer" on my iPhone and he tells me this whole story about how he didn't notice it at first and how surprised he was and it was so sweet. :D Seeing him happy made my night and I slept peacefully. :)

Saturday!

13th February, 2009. Oh our oh so special day. :) The day didn't start until it was time for parking. :) My Abang took me with him. We picked Aiman up on the way. :) Then we just hung out. All night.

Abang left for home early, I stayed on and played Left 4 Dead 2 with my baby and Gib and Adlan. :) We had a massive scream-fest in the cyber cafe, but it was totally hilarious and fun. The clock struck 12am and it was Valentines day, and we were like "Happy Valentines day, baby! How romantic is this? Playing Left 4 Dead on Valentines!"

"Of course la romantic. I save you, you save me?" Hehehehe.

Night ended and I slept VERY WELL that night. ;)

THEN WOOT WOOT! Sunday! Oh Valentines day! :)

Mama cooked oxtail stew, so I set up the look out area of my house with candles and dinner for Aiman. There's a shot on how it looked like and it was beautiful! Mama helped me so much and I love her for that! She's such an amazing person!

Mama went to get Aiman for the night (thanks again, ma!). I was so excited to surprise him, but he knows me too well.

He knew it was coming. :p

He was like texting me something like, "There's a surprise, isn't there?"

Kantoii. But we still had an amazing time just listening to our favourite songs, eating oxtail stew and then when we were stuffed, we just lay on the floor and looked at the stars. Can you imagine, I live in the city, I never see the stars, but just that night I saw damn a lot of stars?

Call me Kraft for being cheesy, but I'd like to think it was just for us. ;)

OF COURSE, my Valentines surprise didn't beat his surprise last year.
Don't know about it? Go back to February 2009 in the archive or look in my notes on Facebook :) Yes I love to show him off. ;)

Monday!
Wee. Went for a massage.
Joined my brother for Al-Safa with his girlfriend, Bonny.
Baby joined.
Gib joined. So did Aqil.
Left 4 Dead 2 with Aiman, Abang and Gib. :)
Aiman and I died together.
Demolition lovers, babeh.

Tuesday!
As you guessed it, Aiman again. :) Sameera and Aiman and I went around KL looking for a hairdresser cos we were to have our photoshoot together that night.

I was so stressed! We walked around the WHOLE OF KL looking for an open hairdresser. Finally found an Arab one in Times Square that I finally settled with. Ran for the photoshoot, and chilled outside the studio for a while, then Aiman got an urgent call and he had to leave. :(

I would like to give my condolences to my friend Dan M. on the loss of his father. Just know we, your friends, are always here for you and just holla when you need us!

I shot alone for that night, then went to join the rest in Damansara and chilled till it was time to go home with Sam.

I'll put up the shots of me when I get the photos. :)

Wednesday!
GENTING! Hahaha.
Group 1: Mother, baby brother, nanny, nanny's husband.
Group 2: Dan Alwi, Aiman Rosman, baby booo, me.
Group 3: Abang, Bonny, Melor, Nadia, Jun, Jelly, Skye.

Group 1 & 2 had lunch in Awana. :)
Group 2 & 3 spent the night together.
Half of group 2 & 3 went ghost hunting in a house in Awana while the other half stayed home like good children. :)

Thursday!
We eventually slept then Group 1 2 3 had lunch the next day. KOREAN BBQ! Mmmn.
Then turun balik to KL.
Then PHOTOSHOOT AGAIN with Aiman.

Hahahha he was amazing. :) THOSE PHOTOS, well only selected ones will be put up. :) Depending on the boss. ;) But if you really wanna see them, I'll beg the boss a bit more ;)

Friday!
Farhan's garage sale.
Then off to Akarkarya to record Aiman's drum mix.
Video is on Facebook!
Then we camwhored. Here are photos. :)

Saturday!
Aiman came over for pizza and a movie! :D That was really nice.
He went parking then went home.
Then we went for dinner with his mother at KFC.
(The KFC Twister is freaking amazing btw!)
We went out with IMAN NORDIN, whom I haven't seen in ages.

Sunday!
A messy day but it ended with nothing but happiness. :)
Like fireworks in the background while metaphorical fireworks are bursting in my belly. ;)

FOOOOH.
WHAT A WEEK!

And on the less literal side, I would just like to say...

I am pretty insecure about somethings. One thing in particular recently.
But insecurity is nothing to sympathize. So don't feel sympathetic for me. In fact, insecurity is a major flaw.
Every insecurity comes with a reason not to feel insecure.
And with the reason, we have to be grateful, and be thanking God, anyone, anything and everything. I will even start thanking trees.

I'm obviously NOT gonna list out what I'm insecure about. Cos I do have a reason not feel insecure.
But what I will do is be thankful.
I thank God for how things have worked out. Things between Aiman and me.
I thank Aiman for coming back into my life.
I am very grateful that even after all we went through, we still found our way back to each other.
I am grateful and I am going to stop being so insecure now.

Because Aiman is my reason not to feel so. :) I love him very much. A blogpost and small fonts on your screen cannot express as to how much. But yes, I love him very much and I never ever ever ever wanna lose him. Ever.

So there is a reason to not be so insecure if you are. You might not know it, but there is one. You just gotta wait for it to appeal to you.

There's not enough space on Earth for insecurities, what with the hate that's already going on around the world. As Jason Mraz would say, practice kindness and gratitude :)

Replies to the cBox:

Big fan Kiru, I would love to sing for you, but for now I can't. I have a lot of exams coming up but I promise once I'm off school, I'll whip up a little something for you ;)
anonymous, thank you so much!
edee, glad you actually took the time to do so! Haha. I don't think anyone does anymore. Thank you so much and I really appreciate the attention you're giving! :)
future director, Hollywood? I was thinking more West End or Broadway, but hey, if Hollywood will take me, I'll do it ;) Thanks so much!
pheven, I'm glad you found me! Hehehe! I actually did practice Bad Romance on your request but I've got a lot of school crap coming up, when I'm free, I'll record it okay? :) Thanks for the love!
Damn straight, Yaya! Hahaha. Yeah, The Alwi Brothers sure have a hilarious sense of humour!
rd! Thank you so much! :) He's less shy with the camera now. :)
pash, errr.
ayu, thanks, love! And yes. I am very grateful.

OKAY. I bet your eyes are sore from reading all this so I'm gonna go. I am starving.
CHICKEN RICE IN 45 MINUTES!
45 MINUTES?! WEI DAMN LONG RIGHT?

Sighghgh.

Here's a picture of how I would look like if I were an emo girl. You know? Myspace emo?

x

p.s: I.A & E, yeah baby? :p

amazing 17.

2010-02-07T14:52:00.004+08:00

Oooh. What a week it has been, what with turning seventeen and all. If Sameera were here she'd know I'd be singing Kings Of Leon's Seventeen at the top of my lungs right now, and very, very off key! Hahaha.

Let's see, it was an extremely long celebration. It went over 5 days? Hahah. Yes, my birthday felt 5 days long. Not that I'm complaining! All started on Saturday, 30th January.

It was a normal day, I woke up pretty early and mother and I went to do our hair. There was a birthday dinner for a friend that night Aiman and friends so I thought might as well. Haven't had my hair done in ages! I got mine trimmed (gosh, my split ends were horrendous!) and washed and blown and then Sameera picked me up to go have lunch together. We were around Pavilion area and spent quite an amount of time together over there, just catching up, chit chatting, talking about absolutely anything and everything, as we always do! :) And then I decided, hey, lets head home and play some Sims 3 before the dinner.

And so we did. I showed her my sims and what we can do on Sims 3 and then we were just online and hanging out. And then Sameera tells me her mother had been calling her non-stop and that she had to head home. A bit upset and all, but hey, mothers come first, ey? So okay, I let her go and so she went in a blink of an eye. Bye bye, Sameera, hope to see you soon.

8.30pm, Syaz picks me up with Liyana and Aqil for the dinner since Aiman was going to be late. We go to Great Eastern Mall and once we're in the carpark I got a text from Sam telling me she's home safe and that she misses me already. Replied her immediately and then we made our way to Alexis. (Have I every mentioned I LOVE that restaurant! Spaghettini Seafood Parcel, please!)

At Alexis, Dan Alwi was already there at an 8 seater table and I asked where everyone else is, the birthday boy is and all but all he could answer was I don't know and he updated me that it was a surprise for the birthday boy. I texted Aiman and he told me his mother was sending him over, just that they had to stop by a few places first. Syadil and Aiman Rosman arrived and we all just hung out. I saw Terence there, my old teacher who plays the keyboards and saxophone and caught up with him while waiting for everyone else.

Do you already know what's going to happen?

So then Dan tells me okay, okay, birthday boy is here. So I turn in my seat and get ready to jump out and scream, "SURPRISE!"

Aiman comes in with a cake lit up with candles, and this is when I think the birthday boy is right behind him but then I see this small lady with a dress on and a bleached streak in her hair. Sameera comes trotting in behind Aiman and they all start singing happy birthday for me!

Oh the surprise was on me. It was so nice, and I couldn't stop smiling at Aiman the whole night. I smiled at everyone and we were sharing lame ass jokes.

Here's one from Dan:

"Kambing mana ada prepaid?"
"Ha? Kambing? Prepaid?"
"A'ah"
"Tah, I don't know."
"Goat X, Goat it all."

MASSIVE SWEAT MOMENT! But I laughed like a biznitch cos it was so lame but it was still hilarious. THE WAY HE SAID IT. Hahaha.

So then the night had to come to an end and Dan dropped me off at home. I said goodnight to my love and he left to go out while I stayed in my room and ripped open my new Green Tea fragrance set! THANKS BABY! With Bath Gel, Perfume and lotion :) Mmm. Smells good!

That was just the first day.

2nd February. My birthday. Wishes like non stop! Phone calls, texts, Facebook wallposts, all on time! So amazing! I mean, I fell asleep, then right at midnight, Aiman's call woke me up. :) Spoke for a while, stayed online for a while then headed back to sleep.

Went to school had all these amazing people greet me! :) My year mates even stayed back in the canteen to wish me a happy birthday all together! That was so amazingly adorable!

I was rehearsing for Cempaka Voices in Concert back then and that was really tiring. Eventually the school day came to an end and I left for home. On the way home in the car with my mother, I noticed I had left my purse back in school. I got tense, my head started spinning. My tickets for the show, EVERYTHING is in that purse. All my memories, that one note Aiman left for me during new years, my diving license, my ID, everything! I needed a hug, and Aiman had told me already he couldn't come over that day to celebrate my birthday with me because he had tuition. But hey, education is education. And he has a big year ahead of him with SPM and all.

So okay. I get home and my mother's bombarding me with all these questions. Exams, studies, Aiman, everything! I was just getting such a headache, I couldn't stand it anymore! Especially with my Trials around the corner, like two days later. I just couldn't take it. I felt like breaking down and crying. A bit too melodramatic, I know, but there was just so much going on! Rehearsals, whether I was to take the trial exams or not, my purse. There's a lot more going on too but I won't rant.

So mother tells me my big brother has a present for me and they both can't wait to give it to me. So okay, I go to the back of the house where my brother sleeps, in a section of the house that was given to him because he's much older now, and I push open the doors that divide the two parts of the house from each other.

BOOM. "SURPRISE! HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" First I saw the cake in my brother's hands, then I see Aiman's face to my left, Sameera's face right next to him, my uncle and close family friends on my right.

I sit down and cry.

HAHAHA. I know, weird ass chick, I am but emotions were running through me like a bullet train. I just cried for a second, got up, wiped my tears, trotted over to Aiman, lay a kiss, then Sam with a hug and the rest with kisses on the cheek. I was ecstatic! Went into the back patio where pizza was set up as well as helium balloons (which I went crazy with, by the way) hung out bonded and just relaxed.

ABANG GOT ME ONITSUKA TIGER SHOES! UNintentionally, it matches Aimans. *Massive sweat moment*.

Mine are the ones in green, obviously :)

Then Abang, his girlfriend, Sheen, Aiman, Sam and I headed out to Damansara Heights to hang out with some more friends over there. :)

Sameera helped me send Aiman home and then she sent me home. :) I went up to my bedroom, switched on the lights and there were balloons bombarding my bedroom with notes tied onto them.

Oh, Sameera. You are too much! Went through each and everyone of them, stuck them to my wall and just sat back and watched them shine on my wall. And then a helium balloon got stuck in my fan. Hahahahaha.

NAICE. Lucky it didn't pop while I was asleep!

But all these surprises were just amazing and as I sat there that night just looking at my friends talk to one another, I realized, I've got one hell of a group of friends. My best friend who gets along with my boyfriend who gets along with my brother and mother. Like, how often do you get that?!

---End Of Birthday Rant---

The week ended beautifully with my last Cempakan performance ever, for now, in Cempaka Voices In Concert. Rehearsals and everything were absolutely fun!

Reunited with the CILC girls and Jes Ebrahim with Joanne and a whole load of other people. It was so amazing. I loved it! All these people are such talented beings, I am so blessed to have their presence around me.

And to wrap this all up, replies, to the cBox:

Thanks to anonymous and Sha and Selina and swc!
swc, are you by any chance, Sin Wei Cher? HAHA RAGER IS THAT YOU?
big fan Kiru, thank you so much, sweetheart! AHH! Love ya!
Sofia, yeah, I remember that love. :) Thanks!
:), I'm so glad you enjoy reading my blog. Oh I'm going to go trigger happy with my camera this 7th of March! I CANNOT WAIT! THANKS!
Yaya, thanks, love! Mwah! Mwah! Mwah!
slaj, yes, I am. I might suck at it, but yes, I am.

WELL! SORRY FOR THE EXTREMELY LONG POST.
But I am finished here :) I am going to sign off and go wait for my boyfriend downstairs, as he is coming over. :)

I miss him.
And you know who else I miss?

JADE LIM PUI TENG!
COME HOME PLEASE. NAK NANGIS DAH NI.
:(
Come home, come home, cos I've been waiting for ya for so long, for so long.

*Sigh*

x

p.s: Alhamdullillah. Ala la la la la la life is wonderul. ;)

throw it away, don't ever look back.

2010-01-30T01:34:00.003+08:00

Boys Like Girls were awesome just now! The first time I ever managed to catch them live.
No, I was not around for World Stage.
Too bad I didn't manage to sing the We The Kings' Check Yes Juliet when the chorus hit. Have you ever noticed they sound exactly the same? Both the choruses? Just that one is longer than the other. :p

Aiman had one hell of a time in the VIP area with Rashiq. :) Rashiq had one extra pass so we all decided Aiman should have it since he'd rape one of the boys, Bryan, in no time if he had the chance. That's how in love he is with the band. :p I stayed in the normal zone with Dan, Syadil, Josh and Asad, and I must say, BLG as fantastic live. Though the random endings to some songs were just a little potong stim. :p I guess I was looking forward to one of those crazy long breaks and then them coming back in with one last riff or something but ha! Didn't happen.

But still, wow, haha. I'm going to now listen to all their songs! :p Iman would be proud of me. :)

After the concert wrapped up, the five of us went back outside to meet up with Aiman and Rashiq and also joined back with Aiman Rosman. :) Aiman (Syafiq) had this huuuuge grin on his face and I knew something good happened. He scored picks from all three members (the ones that use picks, duh) and the bassist (God, the one he's nuts about) acknowledged the shirt he was wearing because the bassist wore the exact same one during World Stage. Aiman was ecstatic! The long term pain in his left knee suddenly vanished just like that! Hahaha!

I ran up to him and gave him a tight hug, just to share the adrenaline that was still pumping through me from the concert and he told me everything on the spot. Dear baby was so excited and happy, I was so pleased to see he had enjoyed his night, despite his screwed up leg.

During the concert, I bumped into Sylvia, my fellow concert-kaki that's always there for literally ALL the gigs I go to! I met her the first time with Jade! And I swear, going to a concert without Jade feels totally different. SERIOUSLY! Jade always completes the concert rage that I experience every time I go for one. I'm so upset she couldn't be around for this one. :( But it's alright, more to come in the future, right Jade?

If I had both Aiman and Jade there at the concert, it would have been awesome. Like this photo my good Jemo buddy, Farhan took of us three.

Farhan also took this one:
I love the photos this guy takes! Look at them! So perfect! Hahaha.

Well anyways, ALSO during the concert, I met this girl named Rachal, all because she knows about Caprice. Was so nice to meet someone new. :) I love meeting new people and it's like yeah.

She told me she didn't think I would be like that in person. Whatever that means. But I guess the cheerleading skirt with the head band and all in the video clip gave the impression that I wasn't the kind to stand in a crowd of people sticky with sweat and spit.

I could live in that kind of crowd. Hell, I love it!

Don't let the skirt in the video make you think otherwise. :p

After the whole lot of us gathered outside the toilet stalls, we walked from Bukit Kiara to Bukit Damansara's mamak where you'll find us at every Friday. :D Confirmed.

It was an awesome night and I have to say the two DJ's in the beginning of the gig deserve a lot of credit cos they played all my favourite dance songs! Dan and I couldn't stop moving and dancing around! It was so much fun!

----

I have my 2nd IGSCE trials next week and it's making me shit my pants. I should really stop drawing in class and start paying attention. This is the last one I did for Sameera:

It was fun to make and yeah I love art!

----

Replies to the cBox:

Totally overdue so here comes a whole load of it!

Thanks, Louis! Hahaha. It's not all that new!
Yeah, Didi, I absolutely love this cover too! I could listen to it over and over again. I kind of forgot how good Jamie is until I listened to this!
Saf, thank you so much! I would actually really like to take up modeling but I don't think I'm tall enough or if my skin is good enough or if my face is the look their looking for these days. They're all so stereotypical in the sense they only go after one kind of look! But thanks again!
:), hahaha. Errr... Thanks? :p
Mazzie! Kat Damansara Heights, right next to where the boys park.
Anis, heheh. Thanks? I think? :p
Sha, thank you so much for reading! Lutfi's not in my class though :D But in my year, yes! :)
Yaya, HAHA you saw those? Erghh, excuse the cheese. It just naturally flows out of me when I see the boy! Ironically, that was a cheesy statement too! MAKE YOUR BOYFRIEND CAMWHORE. :p He'll get used to it! :p
iamawesome, that was really good for my self-esteem! Hahaha! Thank you so much! You've got me bloating!
somebodyyy, no, I haven't broken anything before, in fact! Hahaha my nose was just made that way. :p
Stephanie, you're gonna have to beat me to it, love. :p I LOVE HAYLEY. And I guess I'll see you at the concert! I cannot wait! BLG's concert today got me extremely pumped up for Paramore's!
Jemo, oh Jemo-ku. I feel blessed to have you grace my blog with your presence. :D JEMO4LIFE!
guest, hello!
big fan, oh my, my, my! THANK YOU SO MUCH! I'm glad my blog is actually interesting! I love to write and I do hope you do continue reading! I feel deeply appreciated and I really appreciate your compliments! Thank you so much!

----

Look! It's 2am. Shizzz.

Soooo.
Currently.

Texting Aiman, as usual.
Contemplating whether to play Sims 3 or not after this post.
Thinking of what to do tomorrow. (OH YEAH TRIM MY HAIR!)
Errr... Thinking of me aging a year this Tuesday. HINT.
Listening to absolutely nothing but I do feel like putting on some ADTR. :)

Any more updates, I will blog some more soon!

ANNOUNCEMENT, BABIES: Cempaka Voices In Concert is happening on the 5th of February at the Cempaka Cheras Campus. My friends and I are performing! I'm only doing a song but if you'd like to see how wonderful and talented my friends are, please, do go to http://cempaka.edu.my to look for the number and call in for tickets now. I would love to see new faces in the crowd!

Price is $30 and it's free seating in my school hall. Do try and make it and I hope to see you there!

Okay, goodnight everyone. Any questions, please do ask and be nice. Any inappropriate ones will be ignored.

And follow me on Twitter! Link is above on the left. I tweet almost all the time so yeah!

Have a good rest.
Love from Aiman and me!

x

p.s: One boy, me, and nothing else in the world. Did I tell you I'm completely in love with Aiman? Yes, I believe you know so already. End of cheesy rant.

Jade Lim has left the country.

2010-01-27T13:29:00.003+08:00

The world is suddenly quieter.
The city suddenly became gloomier.
This life of mine suddenly became emptier.

All this happened in that one split second. From the one second I could still see the back of Jade's silky, highlighted hair flowing down her back to the second she disappeared behind the pillar and into the gates of KLIA's domestic flights area.

Oh, how I wish she was just leaving to somewhere in the country. She's left to Perth to study her last year of high school there.

The dreams of us going to England together to study all vanished right before my eyes as she walked pass the gate doors. Maybe it can still come true after she finishes her year 12 there in the land down under.

There will always be that place in my heart for Jade that no one can replace. She is honestly irreplaceable. A best friend like her is hard to find, I swear. She's always been there for me.

Our moments together, unforgettable.
Our trips overseas. London, Bali. All those. It would have never been the same without her.
All our crazy nights out. If she wasn't there, God knows who would have been there to hold me when I stumbled across the street.
Our amazingly lame jokes. If she wasn't around, no one would have laughed with me.
Our sleepovers, one of a kind.

She proved to me that she was one of a kind that one night in Kuantan when I was upset, and she crawled into bed, pushed my hair out of my face, wiped my snot and my tears with her bare fingers and cuddled me to sleep. I fell asleep in her arms, my ear to her heart, the heart that was so big and pounded so loudly in my ear. The heart heart that proved to me that even a human could be this kind-hearted. She just held on to me until I stopped crying and until I shut my eyes and drifted to tomorrow.

She even carried me on her back when I almost passed out at a concert once, from the lack of food and water and sleep. She carried me all the way out of the crowd, sacrificing our amazing view to help me gain my energy again. She brought me water and made sure I caught my breath again. She didn't even prod me to go back into the crowd. She just waited for me.

The most amazing friend a girl could ask for. I am blessed to have shared my years with her.

I wanna wish her luck in Perth, may she meet amazing new friends and do amazingly well in her studies so that she can join me in London after. As long as she doesn't forget me, I'm good.

Everyone, wish her a good luck!

I love Jade with all my heart and I miss her already so very much. Words can't express how different things are gonna be without her anymore.

Jade, come home soon.
Or I'll come to you!

I love you so very much, Jade. Don't ever forget the past few years we shared together. When you get back we'll make new memories when we soar around the world together. If we still can, let's still go on that Eurotrip we planned, okay? We'll go to all those places you wish to see.

Papa and I are gonna miss you. (Aiman and I have adopted Jade. Hahah) Please take care of yourself and don't hesitate to call me whenever you want. I'm only a call away. I'll pay for your bills. That's what mothers are for, right? Haha.

Sorry but I just broke down in the middle of school IT.

I gotta go do study skills now.

Thanks to Johan Shah, William, Hana, Ellya, Nuo En and of course my baby Aiman for being there to cheer me up.

Love to all.

x

no inspiration for a blog title.

2010-01-20T14:28:00.006+08:00

But I DO have inspiration for a blog post! :)

Tomorrow is the Parking Anniversary. For those of you who don't already know what parking is, it's an activity that a buncha boys do up in the playground in Damansara Heights. They assemble a few days every week and work out!

So tomorrow it will mark their first year of parking! And I'm going to celebrate and take pictures for the boys as well as feast my eyes on my one and only doing really hard bar exercises! Huahuahua! Man without the shirt is the founder of this new sport. :p

Here are some camwhoring photos. :p

Geek with the Slutty Secretary much? HAHAHA.

So currently we're still camwhoring.

Replies to the cBox.

Koki, thank you so much! :p
Selina, hahaha yeah. Lucky me!
PasserBy, well, I think he's nice. :) So yeahh.

Aiman Syafiq Alwi after school! Weee! I get to watch American Idol with him and torture him with Glee right after AI! MWAHAHA.

Ha, I love you, b. :) So much! Sampai nak letup!

x

i'd rather blog than use the toilet.

2010-01-19T12:39:00.004+08:00

Cos I actually really need to pee. But of course, you didn't have to know that. :p Hahaha. I'm in a double free lesson now with Andrew Sachdev and two other classmates. I am dreading Economics later. Damnit. Econs. SHIT! I'm so bad at it. GAH!

The year 7's have been walking in and out of the classroom asking survey questions for this new program my school is doing called the CBL. No, don't ask me what it stands for. I have no idea. I'm just glad the year 11's don't have to do it.

Andrew just told me what it stands for but I TOTALLY CBF-ed to type it out.

How's all of you been?

I had an awesome day yesterday! School went by in a breeze (well, kind of) then hung out with the friends after school till about 4.30pm then took the bus back to Damansara. Caught up with my darling girlfriend Nisha Foo after so FREAKING long. She's been back in KL from Melbourne for so long and NOW I get to see her, like a week before she goes back to the land down under. Double yeww tee eff.

After catching up over ice-cream with her in Decanter, headed over to the park next door to take a glimpse of pure bliss. :D Bliss and abs. And rip biceps. All on one boy. Mwahaha. I look at him and go, "Boy, who's a lucky girl?" Spent some time with Aiman, (yes, if you didn't know already, that was who I was talking about) trying to revive him from passing out, screaming, "BREATHE! 1, 2, CLEAR! ZAP!" in the middle of the playground while the mothers and their children stare at me like I need some mental help. Hahaha. That was fun though! Sameera also joined us.

But then Aiman had to leave. So then we sat at Kismat, ate a bit, I went to ballet for 45 minutes then went back to Kismat.

Morgan Then joined us in Kismat in the flesh. Somebody got nervous. *COUGHSAMCOUGH*. Along with his GPS/Best Friend whom he won't let drive his car!

Too bad I can't do the Kuching gig with him this 30th of January. That would've been awesome!

Mother has everything planned out for Sam, both the Aiman's and my trip to Singapore for Paramore! And I cannot wait. I honestly think Hayley and Chad make a cute couple.

And look at her in this photo! So sophisticated! My idol, I tell ya.

Oh and I would like to congratulate Katy Perry and Russell Brand on their engagement. Beautiful, British-American, English accent, singing, acting babies, they will have. I love them both!

Replies to the cBox!

Selina, dear, I don't know what I did to promote myself, all I know is that I'm so relieved I don't have to be in grade 3 with the really flexible 7-8 year olds! Hahahah!
ashrafroslan, what do you mean "owh, taken."? Hahahah.
kat & koki, hahaha ignore Andrew, he's just the dude I mentioned earlier. I am not mixed. I'm pure malay and well, my great-grandmother was Balinese. :) So I'm less than a quarter mixed Balinese!

I have nothing else to say. I'm gonna pee now.

Oh and Aiman, I MISS YOU (Rashiq Geram Style).

x

P.s: I was going to post up pictures of Iman and I from our swim the other day, but blogger's being a bitch.

phewwwww mama.

2010-01-16T19:06:00.002+08:00

It's been an excruciatingly long and tiring week. I'm surprised I've even got enough energy to spell excruciating correctly. Or even think of the word. At this moment right now, I am so exhausted, it's not even funny.

Being the Lady Captain of your house team in school is not a breeze. There's so much work to do. Not to forget, I have IGCSE's coming up soon and I think I could literally cry right now just thinking about how close it's getting and how much harder I need to work.

On the up side, I picked up ballet again, and that's really fun! :D I mean, I'm supposed to start back in Grade 3 (Talk about being so far behind the rest) but they're pulling me into the Grade 5 classes. Wow. :D Skipping 2 grades.

First achievement of this year. :)

So the past week it was school, school, school, sports, ballet, boyfriend, girlfriends, bonding with brother. Aiman and I shared a very special day and I would like to thank my older brother for carrying out the carpets and my mother for lighting the candles and setting the table for dinner. :) I just ~~fucking~~ love my family for being so sporting.

I don't have much to blog about. No, actually, I have LOADS, but I'm just too hungry to.

So here are the replies to your messages from the cBox:

Lydia, I have no idea. Please bug Caprice on that one. I'm tired already. :p
Marina Afiqah Alia, thank you so much! :)
Didi, thank you. :) Hahahah I actually like singing the school song for assembly!
Marilyn, thanks, love for your support on the boob factor. AND YOUR COMPLIMENTS ABOUT HAYLEY AND KP JUST TOTALLY MADE ME BLOAT. Thank you so much! :D Hahaha. I totally love you for saying that.
Passerby, HAHA! You have no idea how much I LOVE hearing that. We say, thanks! :)
Frauline, I KNOW RIGHT! I swear, I freaking love the song now thanks to this cover. Thanks to Aiman for showing it to me.

Any questions, just ask.

:)

I'm off to stuff my face with Maggi Goreng.
SALEEM MAJU TONAIGGHTT!

x

what a looooong day.

2010-01-05T22:41:00.002+08:00

Okay. I just got home since leaving from school at 7am in the morning! I am dead tired. It felt like the longest day ever up till 3.30pm when we were let off school. I mean, knowing that I was going to see Aiman and Sameera after school just made the day tick by even slower. DAMN annoying I tell you. I was counting down the hours as we studied. Just ask Johan Shah :p

While I was in school, I was so bored, I did surveys. Here's one of em:

What grade is the last person you texted in?
Aiman and Form 5. :D

How did your day go yesterday?
Slow. "Like the way planet earth turns... Slooooowly," Johan Shah. TM.

Last time you were called cute?
2 seconds ago by Johan Shah cos I asked him to.

What should you be doing right now?
My English Magazine article on why rollercoaster rides are fun.

Do you have a reason to smile right now?
"You're seeing Aiman later," Johan Shah. TM.

What are you looking forward to in the next couple of months?
Birthday and PARAMORE.

Do you miss the way things used to be?
Nahhhhhhh.

Are you wearing a ring?
Yes. :) Aiman. TM.

Do you like your hair?
Today? Kind of la.

Are you a patient person?
Not when it comes to Aiman in OMG ITS DOWN TO 7 HOURS NOW! :p

When is the last time you were hugged?
2 seconds ago by Johan Shah. TM.

Do you want your ex back?
Nahhhh.

Are you jealous of someone right now?
Nahhhhh.

Is anyone mad at you?
"I'm mad at you," Johan Shah. TM. And then he laughs.

Have you ever slept in a car?
Have you?

Who are you talking to right now?
Johan Shah and my computer.

Today, would you rather go forward a week or back?
Back! PLEASE!

What's the biggest annoyance in your life right now?
Johan Shah. TM.

Is there someone you don't ever want to be out of your life?
Yes. Many.

What color are your eyes?
Rainbow.

Last thing you dropped?
Earphones. Early in the morning.

Is there anyone who doesn't like you?
Probably. HA.

Are you tired right now?
Yes. English teacher is talking but I don't hear anything.

Do you have a job?
Kind of? My music?

Do you brush your teeth in the shower?
If I'm trying to save time, yes. :) MULTITASKING.

Do you drink sweet tea?
Yes. I like to even play tea party and pretend I'm English. Yes. Really.

Your favorite sport just so happens to be?
Parking. Or watching it at least ;)

Have you ever wanted to just run away and start over?
Many times!

Does your mom like to burn candles?
Those liquid scents, yes.

Have you ever done something really embarrassing in front of your boyfriend/girlfriend?
Trip, fall, loads. :p

Did you buy any clothes/shoes recently?
My ADTR shirts! *Enter breakdown here*

Do you ever buy complete CD's anymore?
Yes! Just bought two recently.

When's your birthday?
2nd February!

Have you ever watched the show 'FRIENDS'?
Who hasn't?

What do you currently hear?
My English teacher giving tips on how to do my work and Johan Shah breathing very heavily through his nose.

How many hats does your dad own?
No idea.

Do you plan on going to college? If so, where?
Yes. London!

Would you rather be a police officer or fire fighter?
Fire fighter. So I get to ride down those poles and stand on the back of those big red trucks!

Are you a hard person to get along with?
No. Not unless you are one.

Pointless, I know, but I was so bored, you have no freaking idea.

So when the clock stroke 3.30pm, I dashed for the toilet to get changed then Kevin Wong (thank you very much, by the way, my friend) dropped Jo and Chongky and I off at the Damansara campus. Sameera joined soon after as well as Aiman and the boys. Ate, then watched the boys go parking *enter pool of drool here*, then went to eat some more and hang out at Plaza Damansara, where all the fun is and where we all hang our balls!

Dropped Aiman off at home and now I'm home and I'm smelly, I was in the rain, then I sweated and I could really use a shower but I'm gonna finish this up first :)

I would like to give a huge shout out to Andrew Sachdev, one of my very close homebrahs for fixing my phone, Morphen. Apparently the 3G now works and my life can come back to life because I cannot live without my sweetheart.

ALSO, speaking of Morphen, the boy of whom I named my phone after, Morgan Then has invited me over to Sarawak for a little gig. But the issue is, it's the weekend right before my 2nd Pre-Trials for IGCSE. To do or not to do, that is the question. Help, anyone?

And here we are at your section, replies to the cBox:

Lennie, I am 5 feet and 4 or 5 inches tall. So average.
human, thank you so much :) So glad you think so!
Faeez, I'LL SEE YOU THERE! OMG! PARAMORE! :p
Jasmin, thanks for the birthday wish! Hehe I can't wait to turn 17!
Are you nuts, Leon. If you ARE Leon Ang, do you really think I'd EVER forget you? :p Britney and Meatloaf together forever remember?
Alaaa, Mazzie, just had to clear everything up dulu before the new mess starts, kan?
Thanks, Aqil :) I'll do what I gotta do :)
And Maneesha, one day k?

Also, Yaya, thank you so much for the love :D So very flattered and statements like that make me wanna do more music! Which, by the way, haven't had enough time to get round to doing that. One day, I promise! And yeah, Blair never liked GG but she never took shit from her either. Kudos to Blair. :p Leighton Meester is hot.

And to clear this up too, I'm not gay. :p Due to the photo in one of the posts below, the picture of Jade and I nose-to-nose, I'm just expressing that she's one of the most important person in my life. And no, we did not kiss right after I snapped that shot. I do not kiss girls and I don't ever plan to :)

My nose is running like a mad ~~bitch~~ and I have to sing tomorrow. For assembly.
Perfect.

Love to all! I need my shower and my loud music.
Aiman, I miss you already. I think you fell asleep texting me. I love you!

GOODNIGHT EARTHLINGS. Will blog tomorrow!

x

school? the hell?

2010-01-04T09:48:00.003+08:00

Well doesn't this feel familiar? Back in school for the first time in this new year, smelling like the same perfume I wore almost throughout the whole year last year, wearing the same smile I smiled when I got to school last year, feeling the same missing kind of feeling I felt when I had nothing to do in class last year, and also, showing off the new pictures of the same boy I showed off last year.

Familiar. Too familiar :) But a nice kind of familiar and I could live like this forever.

Okay, not the going to school bit but the feelings bit.

Definitely not the schooling bit.

December passed by like a breeze. Too short of a breeze. I wished December was a 60 day month. Wouldn't that be nice? Then I could still hang out with my friends everyday, I could still go out every night and spend it in that certain mamak that we all find is our second home, I could stay up all night and I could still see Aiman every freaking single day.

Well, now the both of us back at school, with me having my big IGCSE's in May and him having his SPM in probably November. But ahh, I love him too much. I'll figure something out.

--End of cheesiness--

I just found out we officially end classes in March then it's just extra classes from then on. Heh. Might as well just call it still-schooling right? Omg, what the hell did I just say? I am NOT USED to being up this early.

But hey, I get my school's chicken rice later! WOOOOOOOT!

--End of weirdness--

Let's talk about something better. What did YOU do for New Year's? I spent mine with Aiman and our friends. My girlfriends were all busy with their own plans :( Except Sameera who spent the day time of New Year's Eve with Aiman and us. We counted down right in front of KLCC! That was nuts. My first New Year's home in 3 years!

It was nice to be around more than one familiar face :)

But here 2010 is. And I'm ready to take it like a superhero in really tight spenders. Like Hannah said in my cBox, now that I have people watching me and whatever I do (Yes, I finally admit, people actually watch me), I have to watch it. Rumours about me being a slut, lip syncing, dating this dude or that and talking about my personal shit like errr my virginity and my boobs for instance is not something I wanna hear, man. Really.

I'm just telling. But if you wanna keep on talking about it, go ahead, sweethearts. At least you're still talking about me right? :)

I didn't mean to sound arrogant. And I apologize if I did come off as that for a split second back there. But I'm just tired of having people ASSUME what's going on in my life.

Look, I'LL tell you what's going on in my life. I'LL tell you as much as I can so you don't have to assume anything. I'll tell you who I'm dating, who are my friends, whether I decided not to sing live or not (Which would most likely be a big NEVER. I mean, if I don't have my voice, I would prefer not to sing at all).

Any questions, just ask me :) But please, keep the questions clean!

In reply to the cBox:

jackkk, I use iMovie on my Macbook to do all the recordings :) Mac4Life! ♥

Paramore in about 2 months!

Birthday in about a month!

Birthday presents, anyone? :)

Nope, no photos today. Screw school.

I love you guys.

2010 is here!

2010-01-01T20:30:00.002+08:00

And I have to go for dinner but here's to clear shit up before we start making a mess of 2010.

Replies to the Cbox posts:

Yes, I'm still a virgin.
Sorry, the revealing tops are unintentional. And mother doesn't seem to be bothered.
Thanks for thinking I have a near-perfect life :) At the rate it's at, I think it's awesome, but not perfect :)
Hahaha, no one calls me Anna cos I prefer them not to. But sure, go ahead, Lydia.

x

2009 coming to an end already.

2009-12-24T14:25:00.010+08:00

It feels like just yesterday I was begging 2008 not to leave me. And here I am begging 2009 not to leave me. I guess my assumptions that 2009 wasn't going to be a good one was all, well, assumptions. Don't ever make assumptions, please. It has put me through a lot of shit, and it will do you the same thing too.

Well let's see, as I wait for Dan Alwi to get me to go to OU with the rest of the friends, I shall summarize my 2009.

1st quarter of 2009; Brilliant.
2nd quarter of 2009; Lonely, but music and friends saved the day.
3rd quarter of 2009; Shit. Everything went down the drain.
4th quarter of 2009; Everything became amazing. I think you know why.

The loves, the fights, the music, the work, everything happened for a reason I guess. It was all connected to one another to make it the way it is now, which is, absolutely amazing by the way. I'm not saying my life is perfect.

There of course the fact that I'm not actually gonna move to London September next year to start studying immediately after High School that bothers me a little. I wanted to get straight to it, you know? Not waste any time. But the thing is, it's because I don't have time, I can't ship myself to London next year. For one thing, auditions for the arts school are at a time when I totally cannot afford missing school, and well, auditions. I might not even make it through THAT!

So mother and I have come up with a plan.

Finish High School and polish up on my performing. Take up short courses while waiting for the auditions to hit. Then if all goes well, I will leave for London in 2011. It's tiring just thinking about it.

Okay, so maybe I won't be spending my 2010 in London with all the posh English people, drinking tea and doing absolutely nothing but performing arts like I dreamed of.

... But there are perks to not going next year.

I get a car (this is IF mother thinks I deserve one) along with a driver's license.
I get to spend way more time with my family and friends, and it benefits that I'll be 17 and legal to drive!

I get to buck up on my performing skills before going for auditions. This way I won't embarrass myself while auditioning.
I get to explore the music business more, now that I have a little more spare time on me.
I get to spend way more time with Aiman. Definitely a perk! :)

Things can work out. Things HAVE worked themselves out. Maybe not ALL things, as my close friends might know (insert sigh here) but hey, the things that have are making me 20314893203892 times happier than I was before.

2009 has treated me well, what about you?
Let's all start praying that 2010 will be as friendly as this year. There's a lot to look forward to!

Remember last year, when I blogged about 2008 and I listed down that I'm so freaking excited for Jason Mraz to come March this year?

Well, March is my baby, because I'm headed to Singapore to see PARAMORE live :D I love my mother for even letting me go. It's going to be nuts.

Sameera and I will take the car down to Singapore, go to the concert and come right home right after the concert because, well, I have exams that week. But for the love of music and Paramore and Hayley Williams and Zac Farro and Taylor York, I will do it. They're already coming this far with one hell of an album to play for us, I have to go just incase they don't return!

Did they think skipping out on KL was going to stop me from going to watch them? They must be nuts.

By the way, my iPhone is seriously effed up. Anyone can fix it for me?
His name is Morphen and he's in need of a lot of help.

Well, I don't know what else to say. The day has barely started. It'll start when I head out :) I'm sure I'll have stories for you when I come home?

Keep on reading for updates and follow me on Twitter!
http://twitter.com/monkeydisease

Any questions, hit my cBox and please, be nice :)

I love the world.

x

winter break has never been so hot!

2009-12-11T14:24:00.004+08:00

First off, before I begin, I would like to apologize for those past few short and no-sense-making posts because I had literally been in my room for at maximum 3 hours each day (at different times of the day, and not counting those of which I sleep), and not been able to paste my arse down on in front of the computer to give you guys an actual-actually-updating-you post.

So here comes a long one.
Have you got your drink and music on? :)

Holidays has been a weird one. But I'm not complaining one bit. Mother, as some of you might have known, was away for her Hajj for three weeks! Felt good to share the power of the house with my brother for once :)

The first few days she was away, she asked one of her guy friends to stay with us, and I swear, that was weird ass shit. She basically did it out of panic that we were going to be alone. And I don't blame her. I think I would've jumped to accept the man if I was in her place too. (No wait, that man? Maybe not.) But yeah, whatever, after a few days he left and it literally felt like the aura in my house was at peace and cleared!

I honestly felt violated. I mean, he would sleep in the living area where Mikhail and I would usually watch TV together, topless and his legs spread far, far apart. It felt obscene to even look at him. And okay, he fed off our money, which wasn't a problem cos he was "taking care" of us, but he also smoked off our money. Asking my dear Kak Mira to buy him cigarettes (Two boxes, at that) with the money Mother left for us. So that was pushing it a bit far. Asking Kak Mira to rub oil on his back? That's downright gross.

So I called my mother while she was away in Mecca making peace with God and begged her make peace in our home and get the man the hell out of our nest.

Mother's the best.
He was out the next morning.

That was the family part of what has happened since the hols started.

The work part?

Caprice.
Co-hosted the Night Flight Show with Hunny Madu that one Friday and that was hell of a lot of fun. We stumbled a lot with our words because we weren't used to hosting on live radio, but after a while we got used to it. Got some weird and funny calls (Some even from my very own friends!) and just entertained. The most hilarious bit was when you'd get these really young girls dying to date Caprice and see his head bloat with flattery!

I found out a lot of things about the music business too. I mean, I've never been in it nationally before Caprice came along but now that I'm a foot into this business, damn! It's FIESTY! It's nuts, the things I hear people are talking about and so on and so on.

Pretty bummed about one thing I found out, but I'm not gonna let that get to me. :)

Did photoshoot with Caprice as well, and that went well. Here are a few pictures of him that I took and editted.

There are more but I'll edit and post them when an occasion comes or something.

School?
Well school's out but we did have an AWESOME prom during the holidays. :) It was really fun, a lot of people were enjoying themselves and the performances were brilliant.

I, for one, loved performing with L.O.V.E again (minus Sean Leslie, add Aimran Alif). It was brilliant! We did Hot Mess by Cobra Starship, Like A Ska (our rendition of Like A Star by Corinne Bailey Rae) and our favourite, Looking Up by Paramore. That last song just hit me in the gut with the best feeling ever. I've never seen my school friends so energized!

I would also like to thank Caprice for showing up and performing a few of his songs for me. The girls went nuts.

The dancing bit after the performances was so much fun! Just dancing with absolutely everyone without a care in the world was something we haven't been able to do in a long time.

Haider Wakil was Prom King.
I scored Prom Queen. :D

And... the love part.

Wow, holidays have only been what? Two weeks long? And a lot has happened in that short span of time. Well okay, maybe it was in a long run from the events about a month ago, but things started taking action when the holidays started.

I don't know how to explain this bit, because, well, people judge and gossip about love lives. And I don't want to get into full detail of the story about what exactly happened but all I know is, I let someone go, because I wasn't being fair to him (on behalf of my heart, that was still pretty much dedicated to somebody else), just so that I can straighten my mind out and completely detach myself from the somebody else.

I let him go, knowing that I couldn't give 100%.
I let him go, because he deserved better than half-hearted bullshit.
I let him go, thinking I was going to be stranded on my own for a long span of time.
I let him go, not assuming that that somebody else would ever want me back.

Karma did me good I guess. Cos I did a good deed (or so I feel it was, since I was not keeping him tied down to someone that was obviously not paying attention), I didn't expect anything, and the happiness hit me 49203858208 times harder.

The happiness hit me that many times harder when that somebody else came back.

I guess everyone knows that that somebody else had always had my heart. I was just lying to myself all this time, telling myself, I can do it alone, without him.

I'm glad you're back, Aiman.
And I love you.

HAVE YOU SEEN THE SMILE ON MY FACE RECENTLY?

Damn straight, you have.

Photo thanks to Dayang Amirah Hanna.
My mama bear :)

x

rewind.

2009-12-06T17:53:00.002+08:00

Back to square one.

Who knew that statement could sound so good? Who knew that it could mean something so good?

Surprise, surprise.
Someone's telling me I'm in for a big one.

Bad or good, I don't even know.

Does it matter? I'm in Cloud 39423553280934 right now. :)

Some people should know ;)

x

because i wasn't expecting this.

2009-12-04T11:25:00.002+08:00

Despite the emo Facebook statuses and bla bla bla, I am CRAZY ecstatic. And there's not one tiny hint of sarcasm in that.

I am really, truly, genuinely happy.

Yesterday, wow, I woke up with my heart sore in the best way ever, knowing my sweet escape was not very far away from me, and my mind at ease.

Let's just say I'm comfortable again in my own skin.

x

P.S: Who else wakes up to TiK ToK in the morning and dances like there's no tomorrow? Cos I do!

sigh.

2009-11-23T00:47:00.002+08:00

What a GREAT day. :)
Will update you guys tomorrow, okay?
I'm off to sleep!

x

paramore's hitting me twice as hard than before.

2009-11-05T12:26:00.007+08:00

One hell of a week it's been.
The outing last Thursday with The Boyfriend and the classmates started it off really well, and then Friday the meet with the Rockstar -- which was unprogressive on so many levels but it doesn't matter, at least I got to see him. However, it did put a little bump to the week.

Saturday was ~~ADTR~~ -- I mean, AAR (Wow, how I wish it was ADTR instead) and I fell totally ill that day cos of the rain and the lack of food.

Sunday was normal, sushi with Sameera and then we hung out watching Paramore videos in my room.

Monday I went to school, fell even more sick.

Tuesday skipped school.
Wednesday skipped school.

Thursday is today.

The whole sick bit totally raped me of a progressive week. Don't forget I have my first pre-trials next week starting Tuesday which, mind you, I am totally screwed for. I mean, I can do it, I know I can, but the thought that I haven't been in school for a whole solid year just makes me feel dumb to the bone.

I will do it, I tell ya.

Morgan Then. Have you ever heard of him? He's pure talent. And look! In his latest cover of Boys Like Girls feat. Taylor Swift's 2 Is Better Than 1, he mentions my name. Well, he mentions, "MonkeyDisease" but hey, he meant me!

Click here to watch the cover.

He's brilliant!

What else... what else...

OH! Looks like I'm singing Thinking Of You with Caprice for the Fly.Fm Anniversary in November. It's gonna be fun because One Buck Short is playing too, and I absolutely LOVE them.

I don't know what else to add! I'n in my second hour of Economics, which on Thursdays I have 3 hours and 45 minutes of. You did NOT have to know that but eat my dust, I'm telling you anyway.

The medication is making me cranky. Please, I beg, bare with me. :)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY WILLIAM SIN WEI CHER!
Have a good 16th and I hope you will take your trials seriously, because you know how much shit I'm gonna give you if you don't?
You've heard me nag and nag at you, and I won't stop, mark my words!
You'll forever be my blur ass buddy that makes me feel better every time I'm feeling down cos no matter how lame I am, you still manage to say I'm cool.
And that's why you're awesome.
LET'S GO OUT THIS SATURDAY WILL!

Shout out to Sharavanah for sitting next to me in Econs and giving me answers.

Songs I would like to recommend:
Paramore - The Only Exception
Paramore - Playing God
Paramore - Feeling Sorry (It has this crazy 6-8 beat timing)

Paramore's really up-ed their game. Can Hayley get any better? It's as if she sang those notes JUST so NO ONE can cover their songs.

More news on the Fly Anni will be posted up soon!
Follow me on Twitter!

http://twitter.com/monkeydisease

Practice kindness and gratitude.
For the love of Jason Mraz.

Which... by the way, I had a dream he asked his security guards to get me the hell out of backstage last night. Broke my heart, but wasn't real.

Thank God for that.

x

most memorable moment in my life... so far.

2009-10-26T09:44:00.003+08:00

My view of Akon.

The blood was in my brain by the time Caprice took the stage and started dancing his routine. I sat on the side of stage and waited for my cue. It was coming, really, really soon. Caprice and the dancers gave their hearts out to the crowd and I was getting excited and impatient to do my song.

Then BOOM! The dancers and Caprice fall to the floor, and the female dancers and I strut onto stage, mike in hand. The roar from the crowd was over whelming. It was the exact same feeling I felt at the ending pose of Fame The Musical.

The four of us girls started strutting and shaking our asses on stage, suddenly all pumped up and all the perkiness in me that I never knew I had before bled out like a deep cut. I never knew I was such a girl. I start to sing, and the lights from the other end of the beach grows hot on my face, and it felt like the first time I sang "Pray, pray, pray," in Fame, just 10 times bigger an impact.

I can't hear the crowds but I can feel their feedback just by looking at them. They were waving lights in the air, throwing their hands up and the front ones were even dancing. Caprice would woo the girls that were closest to him while I'd just stand there and smile myself silly because everything was so overwhelming. I couldn't believe the view I was looking at. This would be 10 times bigger than the amount of people in the Apollo Theatre in London. A three minute song had changed my standard on performing.

As I sang the last note, I held my gaze onto crowd and sucked in the view one last time. So this is what Jason probably saw during his concert.

After Caprice finished all his songs, he turned to me and trotted over for a congratulatory hug from me to him. I was so proud of him, because the crowd went nuts for him. We walked back to our tent together, me slightly ahead of him, until he caught up. I was walking so slow because the thought of the crowd even paying attention to me was amazing. I couldn't think straight and my body wasn't moving right. I was officially high. High on life.

It'll be one of the moments I'll remember forever. Opening for an international artist in front of a bout 10,000 people. Not everybody gets to do that. And I was chosen to.

I would like to thank Ariz (a.k.a Caprice) for including me in this performance, and choosing me to sing the song with, and for telling me I can do anything.

And I would also like to let you know that I believe in you too and that I'm hoping for nothing but the best for you. You know what I'm talking about! I say, we both hold our breaths cos I believe it's actually gonna happen. I can just feel it about to happen for you.

Excuse the insiders talk. ;)

x

okay, enough.

2009-10-22T09:15:00.005+08:00

I wrote this right after it happened. I'm only posting it now.

--

Then this suddenly familiar feeling hit me, WHILE the camera was still rolling. It was this warmth, a comfortable kind of fuzzy feeling inside my tummy, but nevertheless still tight on the throat and eyes.

I stole a sneaky glance to the presence that stood behind the camera on the other side when the camera wasn't full frontal on my face and I saw someone I've been longing to see.

FOCUS! My face didn't give it away. I've done this a million times and this one time cannot fail me, since EVERYONE was in the shot this time. If I fucked up, that would mean that everyone else would have to do it again.

But finally, after what seemed like forever, the director screamed, "CUT!"
Everyone's arms fell to their side and their faces fell to the floor out of tiredness.

My heart stopped beating and blood pumped up into my head. I stared at him for a moment. I was ~~fucking~~ ecstatic, but because my brain wasn't functioning, neither was my facial expressions. I just stared at him for a good half a minute before actually saying something.

I hugged his friend first. Then when I turned to him, I was actually scared to touch him, afraid he'd just brush me off, but whether or not he was going to, I had to do it. I leaped towards him and wrapped my arms around him. Surprisingly, he hugged me back, maybe with one arm, but better than not holding me at all.

The pain went up to my nose, and before I knew it, tears were collecting in my eyes.
Amazed that he came, even after all the shit that happened.
Amazed that he showed up, even if it had been Sameera's plan.
Ecstatic that he was there to witness one of the most important days in my life.
Happy that I actually got to hug him again after so long.
Glad that he actually let me hug him, even after what I've done and what has happened.

Unbelievable.

I let go of him, and then hugged him again, and just held on to him. When I had to be back in front of the camera, my face scrunched up. I was about to cry. I probably looked like the most depressed person on Earth.

But the scrunched up facial expression was just me trying to stop my happiness from pouring out in tears. I wasn't breathing right anymore, but that didn't matter. There was one last scene to be shot and I wanted to give it 10000%, I wanted to make him proud of me. Maybe I'm not his favourite person anymore, and maybe we're not as close as we used to be, but I just hoped that with some good acting, he'll still feel proud of me.

Cos it matters, whatever he says, whatever he thinks. He matters. Maybe the fight was a shit way to prove it, but really. He matters.

The shoot finished, we exchanged a few words, I suggested we go supper, he agreed, we went for supper, he left after 10 minutes, and I gave him one last hug. I don't know when I'll see him again, but he has no idea how happy I am that he showed up.

Sameera, you're nuts for thinking I'd rape you for setting this all up.

It was the best friends, the shoot, the life, and me all in one night. It would have definitely been a lot different if this was shot let's say a month ago, but at least we were all together at that moment.

THAT was the highlight of my shoot. And I know it's complicating for you guys to read, but it was a very important moment for me cos I didn't think I'd ever see him again. A dear friend he is to me. One of the most important people.

He's the friend that would take me out of my own house when shit was getting messy at home.
The person that would tell me that crying over a situation is not worth it.
The person that would say something that would definitely make me laugh, no matter how bad the situation was.
The person that would comfort me when shit got really bad.
He's my person.
Meredith Grey has Christina Yang.
I had him.

The ultimate best friend. The one that even though I've only known him for about 10+ months, he falls under my category of lifetime-known friends.

The best friend that I lost.

And even though we're not on good terms, he still showed up for my shoot.
Does a person get any better than that?

I wanna say, that I miss you, and I hope we'll go back to the way we were. If you can't do it, I understand, but I'll still miss you.

Like Grey's Anatomy Season 6 Episode 2 says, "Grief is different on every person."
My grief might not show, but it's there. It's there after dinner sessions remember?

x

i'll make it through this blog post.

2009-10-16T00:48:00.003+08:00

I'm just about to fall asleep right here on my laptop's keys right now.
Crazy day today. School in the day (With hell, two hours of Economics) and then went home with Muhaimin to freshen up and get ready for rehearsals!

Guess what! My Bernardo (a.k.a Abdul Muhaimin, the guy who I've danced with almost all my dancing life) is going to appear in the music video of Thinking Of You with me! He'll be dancing and I'd like to give him a HUGE thanks for agreeing to do this :) Caprice seems to be very much pleased with his dancing and I think he's just gonna add more umph to the video clip.

Shooting's due this Sunday!

I would like to thank God for giving us a holiday the following Monday. Amin.

Been a crazy week of studying and getting scared shitless for the huge exams we call IGCSE. Just found out today we're having pre-trials (Wtf are pre-trials anyway?) in November, February (one day after my birthday, mind you), March AND April. Okay, we get it, we need all the preparation we can get, but HELLO!

Four effin trials? You must be nuts.

Well photos for today will be from two weeks ago, when Iman Nordin and Sameera Faruqi and I went to watch The Lighthouse Trio perform in Alexis Great Eastern Mall. I swear, the pianist, Gwilym Simcock owns the keys to our hearts. (Piano keys that is ;))

I'm getting lamer by the paragraphs!

Oh and did I mention I got to sing a jazzed up version of the school song with them? Whoa, I never meant to brag, but really, time of my life. I don't think I've ever sang the song with such school spirit before! Talk about an experience with crazy ass talented musicians.

This was two weeks ago! Damn. That long huh?
Too long. Too long.

Okay seriously, I'm gonna fall asleep any second now.
But that's the update for today!

Wish me luck for my video shoot this Sunday :)

p.s : Asyraff, I cannot WAIT to see you tomorrow.

x

feelings split into two.

2009-10-13T11:43:00.005+08:00

I feel as if I'm not allowed to talk about my feelings. Or maybe I am allowed to but maybe I just shouldn't. So I express what I want to say through photographs. So that way, I'm explaining what I feel very indirectly and people can believe what they want to believe. So I'm showing you, this is how I feel, now it's up to you to think of what I feel exactly.

Cos not every one is straightforward with how they feel.
They like hiding some bits, then spilling some bits so we can all ~~fuck~~ each other's minds up.

Confused yet? One photo is tremendously emo and then the other looks so carefree and happy? It's as if I've been split into two. A side where everything's falling apart and a side where not everything is not as bad as I think it is.

I warp from side to side. And it's so unhealthy for my thoughts cos I really don't know what's going on.

After dinner is usually my most crucial times. Like, if I were you, I'd really avoid talking to me unless I'm completely sure I'm someone I'd like to hear from (Whoa, was that shit confusing or what?). Mother should know. Mother knows best. And I wanna say I'm so sorry to her cos I've really not been me over the past week and I know she wants to help but right now, I can't accept help.

That's my emo side.

And then comes the recovery session after the After Dinner session.
Usually happens with a phone call or a few texts, maybe just a soak in the tub.

And then I'll be back to normal, with a smile on my face and ready to take on the following day.

But then you press repeat and loop.
Same shit happens everyday, no matter how ecstatic I may be in the beginning of the day, I will end up being a tad bit emotional after dinner, whether its for a minute or an hour.

It's how I'll be now for quite a while and until I figure out what will totally screw the emo side over and shove it up karma's ass, you're going to have to please, please bare with it. I sound a little psycho and mentally unstable talking about two emotions like a split personality or something.

Maybe I should appear on Heroes or someshit.

----

Update on the music, the Thinking Of You video clip will be shot this weekend, so lots and lots of preparation to do this week. Busy, busy, busy.

♥

-Edit-
I wrote something longer but just remembered, I am not going to discuss my feelings.

Another hour of IT to go then lunch then Econs.
Supposed to see Asyraff after school today but he's got errands to take care off so Sharavanah is taking me out with some other classmates instead.

Which reminds me, I should get Zenna out.

x

Have you ever been so lost?
Known the way and still so lost?

I might look happy and it might be true that I am, but remember, I'm not that bad of an actress either.

untitled.

2009-09-22T12:11:00.003+08:00

Mother dropped me off, just like she did 8 and 7 days months ago, at my oh so favourite place of that time. I stared into the entrance, picturing the place as if the cars filled the place as it did 8 months ago and 7 days ago, and you stood in between both of them, in a black shirt and brownish shorts, waiting to greet me. As soon as I shut the car door behind me, reality hit right back in and I saw my dear friend walking up towards me, beckoning me to the food that awaited. The place suddenly filled with tens and tens of people that I didn't even notice when I got there.

My friend led me to the table where other friends were seated, and before he got on the rise of the house, he took off his shoes. I scanned my friends' feet to see if their shoes were still on. Thank God they were so I kept mine on. Feeling that familiar pebble stone pressed against my feet wasn't going to make me feel any better about the night.

We were seated on the side of the house, where the pool couldn't really be seen. God, how I didn't want to look at it. An uncomfortable feeling hit me as we just sat around, eating and catching up. Of course, almost constantly at the back of my mind I was imagining that day, 8 months and days ago. When we were pressed up at the side of the pool, subtly kissing so people in the house wouldn't see us.

FOCUS!

I got up to get more food. And I ate plate after plate. It was the only way to get the feeling of your kiss away from my head. As soon as I couldn't shove any more food into me, the lot of us agreed to go play the piano.

The piano had been shifted from where it used to be. I felt kind of relieved, so that when I sat down to play the piano, I didn't see your face in the door frame, watching me play what I thought was our song way back then. Cos 8 months and 7 days ago, I sat there after our swim, and played the chords to the song that was meant for you, and you watched quietly, not even smiling, the intensity in your eyes showing how concentrated you were on my playing. Never had I felt someone appreciate my work that much.

FOCUS!

One friend took hold of the piano and played it. I stood back and just watched and sang along to the songs I did know, we took photos and soon I forgot what was distracting me so much.

And then they proposed we go outside, next to the pool.

Great.

So now I had to look at it. It's alright, I told myself, I'm stronger than this.

We walked out and I saw where you threw me into the water, fully clothed. I remember I jumped onto you when you tried pushing me and wrapped my legs around your waist, so that if I fell, you'd fall with me. You laughed and so did I, and you tried to pry me off your skin. I finally got down and you gave me a gentle push, and so I fell. I looked at you, my hair sticking to my face and asked if you were coming in. You said, "Wait, let me go change." And I smirked at you, thinking hell, you can get changed and I can't? I waited for you in the water and when you finally came, I pulled you in.

FOCUS!

Two of the boys were playing with a punching bag, my phone had rang but I didn't hear it. I called the person back and said he had to wait till I get home for me to call him.

My shoes were off, I noticed, and I daringly stepped on the pebble stone, closest to the pool. This was where I screamed my head off, afraid you'd push me into the pool. Then I glanced back over to the area where we ate that night, 8 months and 7 days ago. I tried to picture the glow of the candles on our faces from a far. Then I saw myself get up and sit next to you. Then I saw you turn to me and kiss me very, very lightly on the lips.

Ugh, someone kill me now. We all went back inside to play the piano and watch TV.

We all decided to go out. So we did. And we went to that place where I think everything ended.

I saw the spot next to the tree where I took you to talk things through. My heart surprisingly didn't stop. We had a drink, drove our friends home and then it was just me and a pal on the way home. We spoke.

And when he brought your name up, I was relieved that he did. I had been DYING to speak of you the whole night, since the whole day I was completely quiet about you. He said our relationship was good. I agreed. He said it would've been nice for it to go on. I agreed.

But, sayang, me agreeing doesn't mean I'm not going to move on anymore. I am, slowly.
I'm gonna miss you, cos I love you.
But if this is only for my own good, I'll have to go.
But I won't forget those precious times.
I don't cringe or cry any more at the thought of those moments.
I smile with pride thinking, you did it all for me once, and it's happened to me once, when many people didn't get it before this. I was blessed to have ever experienced such a moment. And it's all thanks to you.
So thanks for the memories.
Thanks for the love you gave.
You can keep the love I gave, cos it only wants to be received by you. I'm not taking back my love.
I don't need us to be lovers anymore.
I need us to be that pair that made it through.
I'm here for you forever.
Please remember that.
You mean almost everything to me.

x

so the money comes in today.

2009-09-21T00:16:00.004+08:00

... Because it's Raya Day and married or working people HAVE to give the younger ones money! Oh, yes, life is bliss. Well, not entirely, but blissful enough to give me enough money to go crazy over the holidays :) Well, okay, maybe not lose-my-mind kind of crazy but crazy enough to turn this down side start of a week right side up again ;)

That sounds a lot from the line off the movie Down With Love. It's a 2003 movie and it's incredibly amazing.
And the best part is that it consists of my two of my most favourite performers! Renee Zellweger got me watching the musical-turned-movie Chicago over and over again and Ewan McGregor did the exact same thing in Moulin Rouge.

And okay, the story line of this particular movie may seem like the cheesiest shit you've ever heard but trust me, it might have an ultimate cliche plot but the humour in between, not to mention how every part of the movie was planned out so well will just keep you going at it non-stop. You'd go at it just like how I'd wanna go at Ewan. No, trust me ladies, the man will make your brain cells fry because he is just so ~~fucking~~ yummy in this movie.

Iman and my favourite line. Quote from Peter MacMannes to Catcher Block (Ladies' man, man's man, man about town) : "I can only offer a woman the same thing you have to offer a woman... you." HEHEHEHEHE.

I just noticed I've written about Down With Love before.

Well, Raya is not much to talk about. I haven't the one with a knack for raya. It's all the same almost every year. Just that the money gets less and less as we grow older.

But WHAT IS INTERESTING IS I GOT NEW CAMERA LENSES. And here's me giving it some love :D :It's my current love right now, besides Ewan with his downright sexy English accent. I've found that unless a boy can pull of an 80's hairdo, and also even a sliiiight English accent, then I'll date the boy.

But then again I've said that once about me never dating a boy until I find my very own Jason Mraz, but I never waited that long. I'd die a loner like that. :p

Well, as of now I'm pretty much alone. I mean, look at this:

Syadil is in Kuala Kangsar.
Jes is in Penang.
Iman is going to Melbourne tomorrow.
Jade is in Phuket (As if she's the one celebrating raya.)
Jo is in Ipoh.
Sharavanah is in KL but too busy doing his own shit to hang out.
Alexandra just ignored my MSN.
Sameera going to Melaka?
Razlan busy going to open houses acting all John Mayer-ish. HA!

But it's okay. Tomorrow's a new day.
OH AND BY THE WAY! That Sunway Lagoon Beach gig thing that I'm doing with Kamal's band has been extended to 45 MINUTES! Apparently the organizers saw my Youtube videos and liked me. Well according to my lovely Sameera. Well at least NOW I have something to be proud of. SO DON'T BURST MY BUBBLE.

So have a good raya and please forgive me for anything wrong I said or did and if I have ever offended or hurt you in anyway. I'm not one to relish in the other people's misery so I just want to make sure that everybody is happy on this forgiving day, even if I'm not so bright.

Love to everyone.

xoxo
Gossip Girl

x
Tasha Saifol.

I grew balls to speak to him then lost them as soon as I opened my mouth. I'm a wreck but at least together as whatever we are now, we're not a wreck. Did that make sense?

IMPOSTER!

2009-09-16T23:51:00.002+08:00

This is way too creepy for my liking.
Spam her wall. Just do whatever you do best. Cos you know how I ~~FUCKING~~ HATE people stealing my photos.
And NOT ONLY THAT. She freaking acts like she's me, posting up blogs about Chace Crawford and shit.

Like some dude said, might be a fat 38 year old dude, but whatever. I have 0 tolerance for fakers.
Especially if they fake to be me.
C'mon. You don't wanna be me. TRUST me.

DIE, BITCH DIE.
DIE, BITCH DIE.
DIE, BITCH DIE.
DIE, BITCH DIE.
DIE, BITCH DIE.
DIE, BITCH DIE.
DIE, BITCH DIE.
DIE, BITCH DIE.

Click on any of those links above to view the faker.
I REPEAT, that girl in the link above is not me. She may have my photos and know my baby brother's freaking name but it's not me.

Now, go kill her.

This is my ACTUAL Myspace site : http://myspace.com/tashiesucharetard.

Thank you. Good night.

x

what the hell am i gonna use add maths for?

2009-09-14T10:18:00.004+08:00

I just dropped Add Maths. Just like that. I mean, I will return home and speak to The Mother about it first but as of now, I'm allowed to use my computer since, well, I'm "dropping".

OMG new iCopter highscore achieved by Johan Shah! 30910 ~~fucking~~ points! Like WTF! Holy mother of Lamb Of God, who the hell manages that?! But the best part is that I saw it happen. Arabella were performing on the stage at Lepaq and Johan was just going at iCopter as if there was no tomorrow. And next thing I know he's shaking at 25k, and then he spazz's at 30k and crashes!

But still! He's a legend in my heart now.

I'm so bored. Last Friday I was so bored, I drew on my hand:

And then after BM, it got smudged so I washed it off. Oh well. It was really pretty while it lasted and at least I got to take a photo of it.

My weekend was interesting.

Friday was Shabella's party and the girl is absolutely gorgeous! Whoops. Excuse me, she's a woman now. :) Being 18 and all that. It was a funny combination of friends. It was Razlan, Az, Adam and I together most of the night and it was fun and hilarious at moments. And I swear, I've never had that much fun with Razlan before :p HAHA!

Saturday went KLCC with Syadil and Sharnaz. Watched Final Destination 4, and I swear it was such a ~~SHIT~~ movie but Bobby Campo (Cue to drool like a mofocker) is UNBELIEVABLY hot and I swear I want a man like him. And then went to watch Razlan perform at Lepaq. (Wow, I saw a lot of that dude over the weekend) Got to bond with Sameera again after a really long time and it was really nice catching up with her. Andrew, Johan and Jesse owe a MASSIVE thank you to Sameera for driving them around. And thanks to Sameera for getting me into that Sunway Lagoon Beach Party gig.

I will be performing with her other band that consists of Kamal. One song only for me but hey, it's still something :) It'll be pretty exciting. When I get the details, I will post it up here.

Sunday was completely lifeless. I stayed home the whole day and watched Down With Love (Probably my favourite movie of all time) alone in my bedroom all wrapped up in my sheets. Swooned over Ewan McGregor over and over again and Renee Zellweger is super, super amazing and talented and gorgeous. Ewan's voice is unbelievable. It's just sex on a note. It's amazing. I love him. Even in Moulin Rouge. But in Down With Love he's just charming for nuts.

And then I'm here today. In school. 10:38am in Add Maths class (of which I dropped), starving like a bitch.

I'm also doing some planning. Planning what? Well, ha, just wait and see ;)

OH RANDOM EDIT:
I suddenly remembered the George O-Malley guy in Stomp and just thought about the way he looked at me from on stage. He looks like that guy who played in erm, erm, HITCH. KEVIN JAMES! YEAH! A fit version of Kevin James. I will find him when I go back to London and will tell him to hit on my baldis anytime :p HAHAHAHA. Picture of him will come soon :)

x

Right on track. Where's my paintbrush!?

my ass is sore.

2009-09-08T12:47:00.003+08:00

My new iCopter highscore is 19290, baby.

HELLO! Holy crap, 11 more days until fasting month is over. Then it's Raya! AND I get a one week holiiiiidaaaay. You have no idea how much I can't wait for the holidays. Everyday I wake up feeling as if my eyes are going to drop right out of its eye-sockets. I don't understand why I've been so exhausted. I'm going about my stuff like I usually do! So what is wrong with me?

Whatever.

The weekend was a pretty interesting one this time round.

Friday night spent it with my brother, can you believe it? Him and his friends. I haven't hung out with him in ages! Glad to finally be able to again. :) I mean it's been ages since he last even asked me to join his friends and him. But then again, his new best friend is a friend that I've known longer than my brother has ;) You, Az, yes you.

Saturday night I headed out with Razlan. We headed to Lepaq to reminisce old times and I even did a shit solo performance for the first time with my guitar. Got to see Ain there too and I swear, she sang so well, I wet my pants. The bonding session with Razlan was really good though. We talked about our situations and we didn't even ened to share advice. Just talking about it made us feel better.

Sunday night headed out with Lienne, Syadil, Dan, Paul and Josh since it was the last day I could see Lienne. Monday night was a no-no cos I'm in school today! Grh. Well yeah, that night was interesting. Haha. Lienne's prolly on her flight over to England now. Miss her already. Oh and kudos to Dan for the obvious results in his "parking" activities. Those biceps belong to me. Hahaha.

Well, I have about half an hour left before I'm let out of class. I have nothing else to blog about. Maybe I'll go and try and beat my own high score on iCopter now :)

x

You're back. Well, not entirely. But I'm willing to stick around to see if you'll stay. I'll wait. I promise you.

I could fall asleep on these keys right now.

2009-09-03T09:40:00.002+08:00

I'm dropping IT for my IGCSE's and picking up art instead.
I drew these recently :)

That is not me.

Blake Lively, anyone?

I've got this massive stomach ache, but I am not about to Google stomach ache as Jo did. Hahaha. Joke of the month. He Googled 'stomach ache' to WikiHow to get rid of it. Hilarious I tell you.

Speaking to Syadil now on Facebook while Sharavanah stares very deeply into my screen, instead of doing his Economics work which I haven't even done either. Whoops?

OH! OH! TONIGHT! I'm performing at Laundry, The Curve with Caprice at 10pm okay? So come alright? And I'm wearing something very, very Katy Perry. I can't wait! :) Will take photos of tonight cos I gotta feeling, that tonight's gonna be a good night. Lame, yes. Whatever.

"Ah, screw it." Sharavanah just gave up on his Econs work. Haha.

Oh, speaking of singing and performing and all that good shit. Application forms to London Studio Center of Arts and Italia Academy of Performing Arts are to be filled very soon! And if that goes well, I will have to go to London again to audition! HOPEFULLY by the end of this year. I really wanna get in to the college, you have NO IDEA.

I mean, it has the courses that I wanna do!
With no such thing as Maths or Accounting in the courses!

I mean, check this out! The core subjects are ballet, jazz, contemporary dance and musical theatre. Doesn't look like I'll be singing about ANYTHING that has to do with what I'm doing now in school. Of course, I still need my decent grades to even get into this performing arts school.

Holy crud. I'm so excited.
Please cross your fingers for me?

I'll post photographs of the prospectus from the schools tonight or something. Oh wait, no. Very busy tonight. Please come tonight?

I've got a killer outfit ensemble ;)

x

Nope. Can't let go. I fucking think I'm Superman and able to do anything but you are so obviously my Kryptonite.

I'm up this late already, I might as well.

2009-08-30T03:46:00.004+08:00

Holy ~~shit~~, I just went through hours and hours, trying to edit this blog. It better pay off! I made icons for each and everyone of my friends' links, so you guys better take a good ~~effing~~ look at it and admire it forever. My fingers and eyes are hurting so bad but hey, I'm determined to make this look as pretty as it should!

... Now I don't think I'm going to change this skin for a very, very long time, honey.

So how have you guys been since I've been gone?

FAME the Musical was freaking amazing to do, seriously. I don't think I've ever felt more alive doing a musical until this year. The feeling of climbing onto stage and knowing that this year, for sure, everyone's looking at you was overwhelming to a whole new level. Trust me! I went through 8 shows feeling exactly that. When the last note of the night (well, kind of last note, but the note before I die in the musical) escaped my ~~fate~~ mouth, I swear, the tears just came rolling like a faucet turned to full blast in the back of my eyes. And not to mention the amazing cast that I got to work with!

Each and everyone of them have a special place in my heart.
Some extra special ;)

Well after Fame, it was, right away, summer holidays. I spent a HELLOFALOTOFTIME with Syadil Che Wan. Not that I'm complaining! And then a week plus with my Jade Lim in the foggy town of London. London with Jade, again, was BRILLIANT. We had the apartment all to ourselves, since we decided to leave our parents at home and we got to go around London as if we owned the place. Well, at least until we got tired and stayed home and suffered some minor jetlag. :)

We went to LEGOLAND too.
Here's something stupid Jade said while waiting in the 45 minute queue:

Me: Jade, how long did it take us to get here?
Jade: The train took one hour, it took us 1 hour on the train, the train ride was 1 hour.
Me: Jade, you just said the same thing three times.

While I was there I managed to get my hands on some music CDs.
5, to be exact.
1 of which is my current addicion:

I know, I KNOW it took me long enough to notice 'em. But hey, I notice 'em now and I FREAKING LOVE 'EM!

Tracks 1, 2, 8 (was it?), 6 and 12 are favourites! :)

And then while in London I found three Performing Arts schools that I'm going to apply for. Yes, I am going to apply for ALL, audition for all of 'em and cross my fingers and hope that I get into at least one. Cross your fingers for me? Will update you on how THAT one goes.

So now I'm home and a whole new school year starts for me. I went through the first week of Year 11 last week and already I'm dying. There's so much to catch up on but I know I can do it, hopefully. If my head can be jammed with lyrics, script and choreography, then it can sure as hell get jammed with education! *cue for shudder*.

Besides school, sometime soon I'm going to be shooting that video clip for that song with that dude.

And then, and then, well yeah. That's basically it.

----

TODAY!

Syadil, Rais, Alex and I hit the Genting Theme Park. Fwow, was it fun or WHAT?! Of course I was a little pussy at first to hit all the bigger rollercoasters but in the end, the boys' faces when I said I wouldn't go made me change my mind so I got onto ALL the rides.

Yes, Syadil, I know. Except the Solero-might-as-well-effing-shoot-me-in-the-head-Shot ride. Hah!

Please. Me? Go on that one? I freaking HATE flying in airplanes cos I HATED that 2 second air pocket we fell in a few years back, I won't even think about falling for a good 10 seconds. IN OPEN AIR. Call me chicken, call me whatever but I'd rather get stuck in a room with Miley Cyrus, Spencer Pratt and my Arch-Rival with the imaginary motorbike (Sharavanah, you know what I mean!) while Miley sings songs at the top of her lungs, Spencer bitches about Lauran Conrad and Arch-Rival telling me she's better than me at Superman-ing the motorbike than doing Solero Shot.

Maybe when I'm older, Syadil. :D

But overall, it was a brilliant day and you should've seen our faces in the photographs the rides' took of us. Holy moly, they were hilarious! Too bad we didn't buy any! Hahahahahaha. I still laugh every time I think about it! :p

Oh, but never. I repeat, NEVER do the spinning teacups in Genting. They made all of us SICK. BLUEK!

We came down from Genting then seperated for buka puasa.

I went to Rasta to join Razlan and Sameera. I haven't seen them in so long AND HELL DO I MISS THEM OR WHAT?! It was fun catching up with 'em and you are going to hear WAY MORE about them soon.

P.S: Our band, Living On Virtual Exit, has been put to pause since our lead guitarist, Sean Leslie has disappeared to the US to marry his new girlfriend named A Degree in Engineerin. :(

So it's 4.13am now and I'm still not asleep and I better get to sleep cos...
... I'm seeing IMAN NORDIN tomorrow! Oh how I love this long weekend.

GOODNIGHT SAN DIEGO!
Jason lovin' forever.
x

but i know you can't come home till everyone is singing.

2009-06-14T22:39:00.006+08:00

I can feel that feeling building up in me. I'm so close to flaunting my passion for performing to the world. That performing adrenaline is making me high right this instant, while Viva La Vida by Coldplay plays softly in the background. It's such a good combination, it's like getting high on weed and flying airplanes at the same time (No, I'm not talking from experience, mind you. My mother would sure hope not!.)

The heavy gong sounds of Viva La Vida is pumping the blood to my head now. There's just something about this song that makes me feel like I'm floating in mid air even though my feet are obviously, firmly set on the ground (Or in this case, crossed under my thighs.)

At this moment, right now, right this instant, while the veins on the back of my hands are standing (I have no idea why, though, I've never seen them so tense before.) all I can think about is how excited I am to be entering the hall for rehearsals tomorrow. No wonder the smallest things--like a major lift in the chord progression in this song that's playing now--is making the mercury in my inspiration meter blow off the top.

I have to admit, it's been such a decent week, and I think it's about to get better :) I'll be sure to tell you how it feels like to be on that huge extended stage tomorrow after rehearsals. Cos this year it's the biggest for me.

Hayley's voice is currently booming through my speaker's right this moment. Now her voice is what I call inspirational. I did tell you before that I'm gonna marry herright?

Yes, that's right.

Jason Mraz too.

Xx

"Adrenaline isn't the only feeling that's returning.
I'm falling for you. All over again.
Lets go back to square 1.
This time, I'll consume the pain.
And this time I won't complain."

frankenstein.

2009-06-11T09:18:00.003+08:00

Just like that beautiful, misunderstood creature of Mary Shelley, I have come to life... once again.

Yes people, Annatasha Saifol is alive!

I have finally crawled out of my own world to take time off and blog about what the hell has been going on. If you're too lazy to read the whole thing, let me give you points and then I'll elaborate. You can skip the elaboration and get straight to the ending, but here goes. (I stole this style of writing from Sameera Faruqi. I love you, babe. Nice seeing you for a split second yesterday!)

1. I'm working my ass to the bone for FAME the Musical.
2. Yes, I did sing with Caprice on his new single Thinking Of You.
3. I lost my prince charming. But don't fret. I'm alright.
4. With the events that have been happening, I realized how many really true friends I have.
5. I love Red Jumpsuit Apparatus.

---- Don't read this section if you can't be f-ed ----

1. I'm working my ass to the bone for FAME the Musical.

So look, I'm playing Carmen Diaz in this musical and you have no idea how unbelievably excited I am to show you all what I can do with this role. In the musical, I'm a full round performer, wants to dance, sing, and act in Hollywood and all that stuff. But of course shit gets messy.

You're just gonna have to watch the musical if you wanna find out the full story.

But the main point of opening this point is (What the hell did I just say?) I've never been so exhausted in my life! I go to sleep at 8pm sometime these days. I'm just drained entirely from rehearsals. But all this exhaustion is going to be so worth it, you have no idea. Cos with every bit of energy I'm putting into this musical, it's going to bring out the best in my performance.

Trust me, I've never felt so good about myself in my life after every rehearsal.
Unless of course the teachers tell me I'm not focused like two weeks ago, but that's not gonna happen again. :)

2. Yes, I did sing with Caprice on his new single Thinking Of You.

Big hoop! Story is, he saw my Hey There Delilah cover and contacted me and asked me if I wanted to sing with him. So there I am, on his single, singing with him, and my guitar, and my half awake face.

It's amazing how most people took a quick liking into it.

Nope, not gonna elaborate too much on this one, cos well, you'll be hearing a lot more of this in the future.

3. I lost my prince charming. But don't fret. I'm alright.

REPHRASE! I'm not going to say I lost him. I'm gonna say I lost grip on him. To say I lost him, he'll say he was never mine. We were just holding onto each other. No matter how real it felt at that moment of time, it's over now.

I'm not the kinda girl to sulk over guys. I cried 15 minutes, and then Sean and Razlan picked up guitars while Sameera was in the shower and started singing me to life again. I haven't cried about it eversince.

But yes, I did have some massive crazy good times with him. Reading back all my old blog posts, I must say, I get nostalgic hits all the time. But what's done is done.

We're friends now, which is good. I can sit so comfortably around him now. I'm surprised that when I look at him, I don't feel like jumping him or whatever :p Hahaha. Really. I can talk more around him, without worrying how my hair looks or if there's something in my teeth or if I look okay or presentable.

Honestly, I'm suprised that I handled this really well. I thought I would've broken more than I actually did. I thought I'd have sleepless nights. All my friends thought so, by the way I would rant and rant how bad it would be if all this were to come to an end.

But listen, it takes ages for me to fall for a guy, seconds for me to get over him. Of course, I never want things to end horridly.

I'm not gonna say fairytales don't happen. They did in my world. But of course, every movie has to end somewhere right?

I still care for him though. And he should know that I still wanna be here for him if whatever.

4. With the events that have been happening, I realized how many really true friends I have.

One thing leads to the other. And all these events that have been happening, led to the Great One Above showing how many trust friends I have. Which is quite a crazy amount.

When my friends heard I was recording with Caprice, they wallposted me, asking me all about it, genuinely interested.

When my friends heard what happened to my fairytale, they called me up, asking me if I'm okay. They were surprised when I laughed in their faces, but then they sighed and told me they were so glad to hear I was doing just fine.

When I need company, and I call up some of my really close friends, they will come out to see me. Namely: Jade Lim, Syadil Che Wan, Athir Ashari.

Jade has always been there for me, she's always there, and it's like an engraved fact in my heart, for real. I really love her, I don't know if she knows how much, but I really really sayang her. To the point I think I would go plotz and they'd have to throw me into a looney bin if I lost her. She's probably the girl that CAN be there to hug be when I cry. I mean, she's THAT best friend that will hold me when I'm feeling really upset, like that time in Kuantan. She crawled into bed with me and hugged me really tight until we fell asleep together. How often can you find a best friend like that? I'd die for her. I'D DIE FOR YOU, JADE LIM PUI TING!

Syadil, WOW! Haha. He's just unbelievable. He really just makes my day everyday. We could talk about pointless things for hours and he'd never get bored! We're always heading out together to take a break from whatever shit took a dump on us that day, so we could help each other cheer the other one up. We just get along so freaking well, it's unbelievable. THIS ONE should know that I really care about him and he's my happy pills and that if anything hurts him, I will KILL IT. KILL IT YOU HEAR ME?! Torture that thing that hurt him first, bit by bit until it hurts so much that it dies. I won't let anything bring you down!

Athir, I don't get to see much. But when I do see him, he'll always ask me how I'm doing, without needing me to ask the same question in return. He'd just want to listen to me and diss and insult anything that's been hurting me. He makes me feel good about myself. He reminds me that I am special. He reminds me that I'm only human. He's my reality-check-machine. And he's really something else for being that to me. :)

And when I needed time off, just to stop thinking about all the stuff that's been happening, I went to Dayang's. I had a ball with Dayang and Sylfa, and that led to me thinking, I DO have more fun in female company sometimes. They made me realize that my teenager years should be spent having fun girly times, and taking last minute risks (only they know what I mean ;)), and just going CRAZY! (I miss you both!)

And then there are friends who are probably also the closest friends to me as well but can't always be there for me cos they've got their things to do in their own places. BUT they're still so special to me. Namely: Iman Nordin, Sameera Faruqi, Farhan Yassin, Razlan Saharuddin, Sean Leslie, Amalina Zainal, Farah Zahidah, Athira Fatima and Samira Davidson.

Iman Nordin. This one's really special. This one brings friendship to a whole new level. You have no idea how long I've known her and how many times I've told you that she's my Princess. She's my golf-balls-whacking, random-phone-number-asking Princess. Yes, she might live all the way in Kuantan but her phone calls are the most treasured, she will call me once in a while when she;s not too busy buing a golf rockstar, and I will call her too and we don't talk for minutes, but HOURS! Or maybe minutes close to hours but still. Our conversations are what means the most ever in my history of phone conversations. She'll ALWAYS know what to say. She'll hurt me when I deserve it, she'll heal me when I earn it. She knows how to make sure I'm not being stupid. She's my back-bone. She's just my life. I love you, Iman. Really.

Sameera is someone who I only started clicking with this year, but our car rides and our walks to the pool near Razlan's house are so amazing. We talk, talk, talk and share a whole load of things with one another. It's amazing how well we get along now. And I LOVE listening to her stories. Love-related and funny ones. AND I LOVE HOW SHE CALLS ME UP WHEN SHE'S HEARD I'VE BEEN UPSET FROM SOMEONE ELSE. It's amazing. She like has an instinct to find out from someone else if I've been okay, then when she finds out I'm not, she'll pick up her phone and dial me up.

Farhan leaves me rhymes on my phone to cheer me up. And he rhymes the most random words like "kicap" or "palau" haha. He'll make sure I'm doing okay before he says goodbye. He'll text me again after he leaves to make sure I was REALLY doing okay. We've shared some really hilarious times together. (MTV CRIBS! *Cameraman gila!*) This one has a way with words. I miss him and I cannot wait to see him this Saturday.

Razlan sings to me. Haha. The weirdest songs. The songs that he makes up on the spot. Despite all those fights I've been through with him, he's always there to make sure I'm smiling. As long as I'm smiling, he won't bother me. HAHAHAHA. Nah, I know he cares. Eventhough he's got this serious relationship going on with his girl, he still takes the time off to spend with me and the other bandmates, to make sure we're all alright and nothing's hurting us. He's my Papa Bear. :)

Sean Leslie is that boy who makes you happy without even trying. He's so modest, it's not even funny. He has no idea how much I miss him. I wish we could go back to Penang times when we walked down Penang's crap Heritage Row and walked through bars and saw drunkards puking all around us. "Dude, it's just a breezer." Hahahahahahahha. Nothing. Inside joke. That only I get.

Amalina, Farah, Athira and Samira. Eventhough we're like worlds apart, apart due to our own life problems, we somehow still end up coming back to each other for advice. All of you should know I'm just an email or phone call away and that I'll love FATJAS forever.

---- End ----

SHIT THAT WAS LONG.

Jason Mraz.
Hayley Williams.

Xx

Sorry Dudes, My Bad.

2009-05-07T08:30:00.002+08:00

I woke up yesterday morning at exactly 5.58, with the sound of a man's deep, hoarse voice coming from my television ringing in my ear, and immediately, without even looking at the TV, knew that the man waking me up that morning was George Clooney. Now, how on Earth did I know that it was him? How did I recognize his voice even while I was half-concious? Since when did I know him so well? I barely watch his movies. Hell, I've never even watched Ocean's Eleven.

Why is it bothering me so much?

Cos this morning, I also woke up at exactly 5.58, and as I lay in bed, staring at Nicholas Cage's name illuminated in white on the black credit screen, I couldn't place what was my 2nd period of today's school timetable.

"English..." I listed out loud, hoping the next topic would come to mind as soon as the first one slipped.

"English..." I tried again. 2nd period still wouldn't appear in my mind.
And I've been schooling in this year for 5 months already.

It's funny how I know a man's, who I have never taken interest in (Okay, maybe once, but only cos I saw him in a grey suit in US Magazine), voice out of nowhere, but I didn't know what came after English period on Thursdays after sitting through the same shit different week for 5 straight months.

I mean, that one Saturday, when Athir called me, I didn't even recognize his voice! This is Athir, the boy who I've been to school with almost all my Cempaka School Life.

We think we don't know much about something, or someone (George Clooney, in this case), but we actually do. We know more than we actually think we do. I mean, I recognized George's voice as if it was a J. Mraz song playing miles away.

And then again, we think we know so much about something (School), or someone, but then we actually don't really know as much as we think we do. How could I have not recognized Athir's voice over the phone? Or the 2nd period on Thursdays?

So what do we ACTUALLY know about the people we think we know so well?

Do we know the small things about our best friends?
Do we know when they're lying when they say, "I'm okay."?
Do we know how they feel about what we just did?
Do we know if they mean it when they say, "You look good today."

And what do we know about those people who we don't even know?

I know that girl is adopted.
I know that boy had slitting-his-wrist issues.
I know that one mother went out clubbing when her husband passed away.
I know that one father who was separated from his first wife because he didn't want children at first.

We know more than we think.
At the same time we know less than we think.

Did you know I'm afraid of flying? I hate turbulence and take-offs and landings.
Did you know I had a crush on that one boy 6 years on and off until I met someone new this year?

Did you want to know that?

The things we want to know, we'll never know.
The things we don't have to know, somehow we'll know.

I want to know what's the 2nd period on Thursdays.
I don't have to know George Clooney's voice.

~~I want to know what we're gonna do next.~~
~~I don't want to know if you have no idea what to do next.~~

The POINT IS...
You guys have to tell me how you're doing once in a while. I don't want to think you're my best friend and actually know that much about you.
Someone has to stop me from thinking I know too much, because really, I need to study the situation before answering straight away. I sometimes think I know what on Earth is going on, when really I don't.

Someone has to stop me from thinking. Period.

Let's not assume we know too much.
Let's not assume we don't know at all.

Cos guess what? If we did...
... We'd be so wrong.

If we did assume all the above, our asses would have so been owned by something called our minds.

EXCUSE ME, I'm just hungry and in IT Class.

Chicken rice for Break, anyone?

where can i get a red jumpsuit?

2009-04-21T14:52:00.002+08:00

What a waste of the day. Been in school almost the whole day, and have done absolutely nothing.

Woke up this morning, half pleased, half dreading the day. Pleased because I had the weirdest dream ever and it was so weird on so many levels that it was driving me insane. I think all the thoughts marching and training through my brain is just making me nuts.

Everything's so weird and I hate it.

Sitting now underneath the staircase on the Cempaka Avenue, and I smell something that smells a lot of what my room back in Australia smelt like. Maybe it's the girl sitting next to me that's wearing the same fragrance as Sol, my room mate at that time.

But great, now it's got me thinking of what would've happened if I actually stayed there in Australia. I'd be among a buncha really friendly locals, that bit I know. I'd be on the beach on in the city on the weekends. I don't know if I'd be dating a guy or not.

But if I stayed over there, hell of a lot of things wouldn't have happened as well.

Like L.O.V.E.
Like Jason Mraz.
Like MTV Asia Awards.
Like Anita in West Side Story.

Like meeting you.

What would I have been like if I never managed to do any of those above?

I could never say "I have a band."
I could never say "I've met my idol, the legend in my heart, Jason Mraz."
I could never say "I partied with the stars."
I could never say "Maria, with those boys you can start with dancing, and then end up kneeling."

And could definitely never say, or never be able to say, "I love you," to anyone or anything.

Well, stop barfing into your doggy bag, kid, I'm sorry that I've been a bit emotional these past few days. And when I'm emotional, I'm cheesy.

For the record, I only get emotional when I get too much time to think.

So... anyone wanna take me out later? :)

Xx

We'll get through this; cos it's always been you and me.

kinda funny.

2009-04-15T09:34:00.003+08:00

It's funny how just yesterday I had this whole, long emo rant ringing in my mind to put down in words on the internet. It's also really funny how all of a sudden, I'm happy again and I completely forget that I was even the slightest bit emo yesterday, and the whole of the past weekend perhaps.

When something bad happens, and then something good follows its arse right behind, you completely forget that that bad thing even ever happened. And I think that's the way things should actually be. If shit turns out well, then lets forget about the ol' shit we were fretting about and how painful it was cos it's not painful anymore. The time is now. Have you any idea how much I follow that saying? The time is now. The time is now. Who cares what happened if all that's settled already? Who cares whats going to happen if you're currently living in the current moment that makes you happy?

I just had a Livita drink for breakfast; my stomach doesn't feel so good. Sorry for that.

Well. As Jade should know, since she's been living with me for the past 6 days, (we were in Kuantan with IMAN NORDIN. Pictures will be up on Facebook), that I'm amazingly impressed now. :) So impressed I just wanna say "WOW" the way Syadil says it over and over again.

Impressed?

Yes, impressed. By a sudden change of the wind. By a sudden progress in something that means like hell of a lot to me. By how well I'm taking in what the truth really is and how I don't care whatever that might be cos all I know is that I'm happy to be in this time now.

Impressed.

By how this one phone call changed everything I was thinking.

*shrugs*

Let's just say I'm really happy. :) Again I mean. :)

xx

Goodnight.

Goodnight.

*hangs up*

*phone rings*

Hello?

I love you, bye.

*hangs up*

i need to blog.

2009-03-24T20:31:00.002+08:00

Iman is right. I don't think God wants us to blog after our Jason Mraz posts. I mean, it's just too pretty. And if I blog now, you can't see its prettiness without having to scroll down the page, which most people don't do anymore. They read the first few lines of a blog, and then close the window.

And then when I post summore after that, you'll eventually have to look through the archives to see the post about me meeting Jason-~~fucking~~-Mraz. It's such a beautiful post. But all beautiful things do have to go for a while, huh?

He'll come back again. And I'll meet him again. Mark my words, baby. You've heard me rant on and on about the man, I finally got to meet him and I swear that won't be the last time.

----end of Jason Mraz-ness----

Last weekend I finally figure out that a lot of people do care. I mean I was just a slight bit down and yet these people noticed! It's amazing! And mighty flattering as well.

Look, most of my girlfriends are in different schools. Ones even in a different country. (Yes, that's you Samira.) And I don't have a lot of girlfriends in school, but more guy friends like Vikram and all. I have a few.

But these particular guys, these that I call family; shit man, they really just know me.

Sean Leslie is sitting with Razlan and me at Lepaq after a gig, and he sees I'm not quite myself. And then he asks me, "Wanna get some Ferrero Roche?" because he just knows that that's my comfort food. And just because he said something like that, I smiled for the first time that night.

Then in the car, I'm still not talking, not in the mood for it. So I'm slowly drifting off into a deep sleep in the passenger seat of Razlan's car and then Sean whips out the acoustic guitar that Syafiq used for that night and starts playing some tunes.

... They sing, WAY off key.

Of course, I laugh. Like shit. Even with my eyes closed. And to see Razlan looking at me every time I smile, and singing even more off-key, and then looking at me again to see if I laugh some more, just makes me feel so happy. I mean, yes, Lan. You succeeded in making me smile and laugh! And it feels good to know that you actually cared if I did.

And then on my road, Razlan asks, "What song now?!"

"LOVE ME DEAD!" I scream.

"Oh MY GOD! YES! I love that song," Sean starts playing the intro. And then his phone rings.

Its mummyyy.

Then before he answers the phone he mutters, "Shit! We're on her street already! Faster! Faster!" as if he's gonna come any minute. HAHA. That was really cute.

Then after he's done with the phone call, he shoves his phone aside and starts the song again. We singa the top of our lungs while Syafiq is like... whaaaat song is this?

We stop outside my house, and we're still not done with the song yet, so we finish it up. I get out of the car, grab my shit from the boot and Sean hugs me goodbye, telling me, "Call me if you wanna talk alright?"

I get to my room and I get texts from Andrew and Farhan.

Farhan leaves this REALLY LONG rhyme for me. Made me laugh :)

Andrew just tells me to call him if I wanna talk shit. :)

So yes. I wanna take this moment of sentimentality to thank my friends who are there for being there. And I wanna also say I miss those who can't be here. :)

I love you all.

Oh. And I'm actually writing songs now. :)

Xx

Because we just are. :)

2009, i love you.

2009-03-05T13:45:00.003+08:00

04.03.09 Jason Mraz LIVE in KL.

Can you imagine the day I went through yesterday?

I wake up to my Make It Mine ringtone, turn to the TV and see Lucky playing. I'm like, shit, today's gonna be awesome! So many things to look forward to!

I was really confused and worried cos I went to the press conference in the morning, with Jade and Nuo En, at Delicious. But after we ate, we decided to ditch the place to start lining up with Diana, because standing in front of Jason Mraz for an hour plus straight, right in front of him, watching what he does best is what the whole point of the concert for me was anyway!

On the way to the stadium, at about 10.30am, I notice, in the car. I forgot to bring the tickets.

Screech of the brakes.

U-turn.

So mother's going on and on about how on Earth did I leave the tickets at home! I chew on my thumb until it almost bleeds because I was so like, what the hell was I thinking?! So I get the tickets quickly and then we make it to the stadium at about 11.00am. I whip out my guitar and start playing some Jason tunes, just to pass time as we sat in front of the gates of the entrance. We sang, we danced, ~~we stole things~~ we just hung out and pigged out on snacks.

(Note: We is Iman, Jade, Nuo En, Diana and I.)

We got to sit right in front of the doors to the stadium (yes, moved from the GATE), at about 12 something pm. We set our stuff down then we just jammed some more, singing Jason Mraz at the top of our lungs.

2pm came so Iman and I made a short and sweet walk to Victoria Institution. One of the reasons I was excited for that day. We hung out down the street while we waited for the boys to be unleashed! ROAR! Iman's like, "I wanna school in V.I. Please?"

After a while I feel a little more daring and walk right up to the gates. And there is my oh-so-lovely one... In his SCHOOL UNIFORM. Mwahaha. After what seemed like AGES, cos I was just itching to hug him already, he was let out of the gates with his friends. Hug, hug, hug, tease, tease, tease, laugh, laugh, laugh, talk, talk, talk, and then he had to go home :(

Oh, I can't stop laughing every time I think about the time Iman said to me, "You guys, are weird. In a good way. I mean, I like tak paham what's going on. But it's cool. It's cool."

She said something like that about me and ~~Chuck~~ Aiman. Hahah.

He left, then we went back to the arena and hung out for a bit. Nuo En, Diana and Iman decided to go to Times Square so Jade and I walked around the back of the stadium for a bit. Then this driver dude came up to us. He had a driver tag on him and I said to him, "Crap. It must be damn nice to be working backstage. Who do you drive?"

"That singer la," he said in Malay of course. And Jade and I was like. Haha whoa. Then after talking to him for a while, he said he could bring us backstage. So we went backstage! Jason was sound checking then. We got to see the back of his head, in his hat, his jeans, and NO TOP ON shake around and sing while he did his sound check. We squealed.

... And then got shooed out.

But at least we got the privilege to to see him first. :) We were so excited. Haha we went running back to our spot at the front of the line where we had some friends wait for us while we walked around :)

6pm; Doors were supposed to open. But they didn't. I get so nervous. My tummy shakes, so I reach for a bun. I eat it and then notice, I'm not even hungry. I'm just so goddamn excited. I throw the bun away and then wait for the gates to open.

My guitar strapped on my back, my tickets checked, I run. Me and Diana in front. We run like shit. Diana even almost tripped. Got to the front of the barriers, people at the back of us cheered us on, I secured my guitar on the other side of the barriers, and we were set and ready for the concert.

Lights dimmed at 8.30ish-pm. My heart stops. We're all cheering, "JASON!" at the top of our lungs. I see him walk down the stairs on the left. We practically die. On stage he comes, picks up his guitar, and starts of with Make It Mine. I hope I wasn't dreaming cos this song wakes me up from dreams every morning. I sing at the top of my lungs. I could've cried. I was wondering why I wasn't crying! I'm like what the hell?!

The Remedy came on after that. He did his usual rendition of Wonderwall by Oasis in it as well, as we all Mraz freaks would know.

You and I Both came up after that. I reached into my back pocket for my phone and dial Aiman's number. He answer's the call with a, "Hello?" and I just let him listen to You and I Both. It was so good. He sang it so amazingly. And I could've died when he turned the song into Sleeping To Dream. I thought I was gonna cry again. But I didn't. And I'm like WHAT? I say I love you and goodbye to Aiman and continue with the concert.

I have the set list by the way. The one that was at Jason's feet. After those three songs he played:

If It Kills Me (With the Ukulele!)
Life Is Wonderful (Amazingly done. Never thought he'd ever do that song again.)
Live High (Reminds me of my Lepaq days with L.O.V.E.)
A Beautiful Mess (If I were to cry, it would've been here. But then again, I didn't.)
Geek In The Pink (People who hadn't been to (or seen) his concerts before didn't know the song at first, cos the intro sounds different. Then when he sang the first line everyone was just like GSHUFHSUFHAEIFA.)
Dynamo Of Volition (There we, Iman and I, were, screaming the rap at the top of our lungs. Just to show off ;))
I'm Yours (Of course, EVERYONE knew this song. He added Three Little Birds to that too, like in SingFest.)

--Break--

He comes out in a sleeveless "I ♥ KL" shirt. He is so fit!

Lucky with this girl named Penny. (HOLY SHIT I WAS SO PISSED OFF! SHE CAME TO THE STAGE LATE and then she can't even pronounce words properly. And she messed up the lyrics. She MESSED UP THE LYRICS. How. On. Earth? WHY ON EARTH DID THEY PICK HER OF ALL PEOPLE! They should've taken YUNA or Liyana Estrella AT LEAST!)
No Stopping Us (I was so happy when they played this, I was so excited, I sang the verse at the top of my lungs, the cameraman in front of me jumped, laughed at me, then took loads of shots of me going crazy :D)
Butterfly (I knew it was gonna be over already. But I danced like crazy and sang like shiz. Before the bridge Iman and I screamed his usual "BOMCHICKAWOWOW" and he smiled. :) Die hard fans, right here, baby.)

And then it was over. It ended. Not a tear shed. Loads of sweat though. Voice coarse and all that. We fled from the stadium after hugging friends out of pure joy and then went to the back entrance where he was supposed to leave. Everyone was crowding around there. Banun asked me, shall we wait here or go to Trader's and wait for him there? I said let's go to Trader's.

We got there, this time we is Iqa, Banun, Iman, Sya (sp?) and I. We get there and we're hanging out downstairs, then suddenly the roadies come. We're like okayyyy so what now? Then this chick tells me Jason is here di and she's met him. And we're like shit! So we decide to go upstairs to Sky Bar and see what's going on there. It sounded like a party but I had doubted Jason or anyone we liked were there. Because Iqa and Sya were the only ones of age, I told Banun and Iman to lets go down and eat first. So we stop on the wrong floor, get out, think for a while, and then press the lift to come for us again.

DING! I'm texting Aiman and then I hear Iman shout, "TOCA!"

I thought she was joking until I saw Toca standing inside the lift. We all run into the lift. I say, "Hi, this might be really creepy but *whips out camera* I'mma take a picture with you now."

We all got photos inside the lift and it was hilarious because Toca was trapped wait us, whether he liked it or not. He went out for a smoke with the Trombone player and we were just chatting with him. Trombone said, "Curry Laksa" when I asked him about Malaysian food. High five. High five. Trombone also said to me, "Hey! You were right up front weren't you!" I'm like. Hells yeah.

Banun asked Toca if we could go to their room. Then I said, "That would be weird... BUT! What IF! I stay in your closet. Then, when it's time for you to get up, I'll jump out and say SURPRISE! GOOD MORNING!"

Toca laughed and said, "That would be a really nice surprise!"

I got to hug Toca a happy belated birthday (he's like a teddy bear I swear!) After their smoke, they took photos with us and then left.

Then I said, "I'M STILL HUNGRY!"

Iqa proposed we go upstairs to the restaurant to eat. So we go out the lift and there are so many people there, including Toca. Iman walks by and Toca sees her, she says, "I swear! We're not stalking you!"

Then I say, "We're just hungry!"

Then Banun snaps, she turns to me, "He's here. He's here. HE'S HERE!" I stop breathing. But I DON'T SEE HIM! Then I see Iman cutting to the middle of the group that was talking. I cut as well. And then I'm like still looking for Jason. He was right there on my right.

Glasses, and a sleeveless shirt. PHOAH! His biceps looked like they were just polished or something! I say, "Hi!"

Iman's already hugging him at this point, she looks like she's about to cry.

He says, "And what are your girl's names?"

Iman, "IMAN!"

Jason, "Imaaaan."

Banun, "TINA!"

Jason, "Hello Tinaaaa."

Me, "Er hi I'm Tasha. Oh my God."

Jason, "Tashaaaa." *stoned smiles to all of us."

Me, "Can I please, please, have a hug?"

Jason, "Suuuuure."

Oh my God. When I wrapped my arms around him, I just breathed in his scent and held on to him tight, his back so toned as ever. His arms wrapped ALL AROUND ME and he holds on to me tight as well. He even does that rubs-the-back thing when he hugs. Holy shit. Sorry I'm shaking just writing this. It was a good long, steady hug, and then he starts letting go and I'm like, "Err.. Oh. Okay."

After that I ask for a picture, clumsily fumbling for my camera but the manager agrees to take just ONE photo for ALL of us. So we're like okay. POSE! SMILE! SNAP!

I say to the manager thanks while Iman manages to sneak off and get a personal picture with just him next to the lift. Banun gets her book signed and Jason leaves.

The elevator doors close behind him.

I fall to the floor. FINALLY THE TEARS COME. Banun and I are crying and I'm crying so much, my head spins. Someone kisses me on the cheek, I think it's either Sylvia or Iqa. I don't know who. Couldn't see. Lydia hugs me tight and tells me I'm such a lucky girl.

We retire to Banun's car and cry some more. Banun clicks on her CD player and out comes Jason Mraz, and the five of us in the car freaking SCREAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAM.

We got what we wanted. Finally!

darlings!

2009-03-03T23:08:00.002+08:00

HOLYMOFO JASON MRAZ IS TOMORROW

I'm so effing ready for this. Are you?

Xx Wish me luck. I'mma get in front. C'mon man, cut me some slack. How long have I been talking to you about Jason?

Aiman, I love you, kay? See you tomorrow after your school ends ;)

and the global globe award goes to...

2009-02-15T18:08:00.002+08:00

You know when you watch a movie and then you feel, "Gosh, why couldn't life be like a real time movie?" And then you start daydreaming about all these things that would happen if the guy you like was that guy in the movie. Example like the movie The Notebook. Gosh, don't you just wish you were Allie/Rachel McAdams and you had a Noah/Ryan Gosling to sweep you off your feet?

Well I say, I don't have to daydream anymore.

Valentines day I wake at 10am in the freaking morning. So early, my eyes are still closed but my body so excited for the day, I have to wake up. I lay in bed just looking at my phone, hoping to get a text message that instant, hoping that the phone will buzz furiously in my hand. No such luck. So I drag myself out of bed and see what's going on around the house.

I'm asked to buy breakfast with my brother and then the whole day I just sit around the house, playing the piano, playing the guitar, just checking my phone every five seconds. Finally I give up waiting, it's already 2pm and I still have no idea what I'm doing for Valentines. I text him, asking him what are we up to today? He just tells me "Entah, I'll tell you when."

So I switch on my computer and watch The Notebook. My mother and I cry as the credits roll and I fall asleep on the kitchen floor, flat on the floor (it's actually VERY comfortable!) I wake up and shift to the sofa and then fall asleep again for another hour. I wake up, 5pm. And I'm like WTF? Still no news. What the hell? They day's practically gone, and I'm restless and a little pissed off.

It didn't help that my girlfriends kept on asking me what I was doing and how was my Valentines cos they knew I was spending it with him. I mean, they were only excited for me and I'm glad I have enthusiastic friends but at that moment of time, I was just really not in the mood. So then I get this text from him telling me there's some problems in the transport and I need to be sent to Syaz's house. I'm fine with that cos all I wanted to do that day is see him. So Mother agrees to send me and we leave the house at about 7.30pm after watching Gubra. (I love that movie.)

And then the dream starts.

I arrive at the house, uberly happy to see the boy, him smelling so good, looking so good, smiling so wide. He brings me into the house and leads me to this room where Syaz's girlfriend, Liyana is sitting inside on her own on the phone. She clicks her phone off and she asks me, "I wonder what they're doing. Do you know? I've been waiting here for an hour and a half!". I just shrug and look around the room. Five minutes later, Syaz calls Liyana out.

I'm alone.

I gather my presents for him and just wait patiently on the bed. KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK, the door opens and there's his welcoming face with that beautiful smile I live to watch. Yes, I could watch him smile forever. He calls me out and I follow him. Outside the door, he wraps a silver tie around my eyes, rather failing at tying the knot behind my head. Haha. After much trouble getting the knot to stay, he leads me outside to where the pool is. We walk for quite a bit, and I feel as if I'm going to fall into the pool. After a while I trust him so I just let him lead me slowly. I feel grass beneath my feet, then pebble stones, then we stop.

"Sit down here," he whispers and very slowly I do. I hold onto the painting I made for him tight. POP! Something like a champagne bottle pops and then on comes Deep and Meaningless by Rooster in the background. It was so surreal, I was tearing behind the blindfold. He slowly unties the tie around my head and poof!

Candles in front of me, with peach sparkling juice (it's blue in colour!) being poured on my left, grilled salmon (one of my favourite dishes) set in front of me and a blue rose in a glass vase on my right. There are candles floating in the pool and some on the floor.

And to add to that gorgeous view, there he was, seated in front of me, smiling as I spazzed in my pants on how beautiful the night was.

AND... if he wasn't trying to pull my leg, he cooked the dish. SHITDAMNHOLYMOTHEROFLAMBOFGOD.

We eat quietly and we talk in soft tones. After awhile I just didn't want to talk anymore. I didn't have to. Just looking at him was enough to fill the silence.

He's amazing and I'm very much in love with him.

Now, how many time have you heard me say that unless it was about Jason Mraz?

He is my movie come to life. He is my dream come true. He is my Noah. And I love him.

--This is only one part of my Valentines ;)--

Xx

Day. Over. NOW!

2009-02-13T15:18:00.001+08:00

*Enter Picture Here. Bloody internet won't upload.*

Haven't blogged properly in quite a while. I think I've been way too busy in my own mind. I haven't even been paying attention to my face that apparently, apparently decided to break out without my consent. I mean, how the hell did all these spots appear out of nowhere over night? OR maybe I just feel as if it was over night cos I haven't been paying attention to my own face. Haha.

See? I'm not as vain as you think I am. I don't stare at myself first thing in the morning. Wait, you know what I blame for the break out? Accountings. That's right. Accountings. I mean, the most stressed you will feel is when at the end of your lesson, you don't get the final accounts balanced. That's the most annoying shit right there. So yes. I blame Accountings for my break outs.

But besides my skin being a total bitch of a mother to me;

Valentines day is tomorrow!

... And I don't think I've ever been so excited for it ever. I can't wait!

Prashant says he's bored. I don't blame him. So am I. BM class now and teacher doesn't know I'm blogging. She thinks I'm doing work. YEOHHH RIGHT! No way in hell. It's so boring. Let's talk about something more interesting;

Last night, I dreamt that I was buying raspberry condoms. Shit serious. It came in a pretty Valentines purple box, and the guy who was selling it (This was at 7-11) was looking me up and down to see if I was of age. I could sense it. With the condoms, I bought Kinder Bueno chocolates, MY FAVOURITE KIND OF CHOCOLATES! (Hint! If you wanna buy me chocolates for Valentines day, get my loads and loads of Kinder Bueno. You don't have to be my Valentine. Just get me the bloody chocolates so my skin can break out summore!)

----

Update and the end of a school day.

In Econs now. I'm so tired. So frustrated. Another 22 more minutes till school is over, I can go grab a Vitagen from the fridge and then hang till Mother comes to pick me up from school to send me to The Boss's house. We're to practice then to clean up then to go to Lepaq. I get to see Aiman and that's the main thing I'm looking forward to.

OH YES. I am performing at Lepaq tonight so please come down to Desa Sri Hartamas if you wanna after 10 if you wanna watch me perform. Come, please do. :)

Sharavanah says hi.

Xx

cos the smaller the group, the more intimate.

2009-02-08T19:18:00.003+08:00

Last night was the bomb for some of my friends and me :) I mean, my party was pretty much a drag in the beginning but then somehow when it got late, (well, the fun starts late, no?) everyone started loosening up and we took on the dance floor like damn! Hehehe. It was fun to see my cousins and Iman dancing together! Hahaha.

So after the party, I headed to Rasta with Jade, Iman, Aiman, Dan, Adlan, Aqil, Syaz, Hilmi, Syadil and Josh and we hung out for a sec. Then balik then we all lepak at the hotel instead. :p Damn. It was awesome.

Just sitting around, bonding, watching Atlas videos. Laughing our asses off about completely nothing, more bonding, dissing each other. Hahahaha. It was great la. And then waiting till the sun rises for them to leave. Getting to lay with Aiman all night. That's the shit right there. Like Vikram would say. "Good shit. Good shit."

Oh and IMAN completely got OWNED by Syadil last night.
Their conversation went something like this:

Looking at the board of signs from my friends, Iman points out something:
Iman: Eh! Atlas!
Syadil's (guitarist of Atlas) just standing there and he's like playing with her la.
Syadil: What's Atlas?
Iman: This band la.
Syadil: Sapa punya band?
Iman: Erm, you know Aiman?
Syadil: Aiman?
Iman: Guy with the white suit, red skinnies, sitting on that side a bit of the hall.
Syadil: Er, tak tahu ah. Sapa guitarist dia orang ah?
Iman: Syadil.
(And at this point, Syadil's surprised that she knows who the guitarist is but has NO IDEA WHO HE IS.)
Syadil: *Takes out his IC*
Iman: *Owwwwwwwned*

I'm so sorry, Iman. I couldn't help myself! That was hilarious! You got owned so bad :D We had some pretty funny conversations last night la. But that's about it ;)

Xx

As we lay there on the floor, waiting for the sun to rise, hand in hand, heads together, I couldn't imagine doing it with anyone else. It's you, I love you, I always will. Thanks for everything :)

I wanna wear your name around my neck too!

16, not yet.

2009-02-01T10:02:00.002+08:00

Hey, GOOD MORNING, fellow people. I am absolutely exhausted from these holidays. Happy and exhausted. It is SORT of a good combination. I think I'm talking complete crap cos it's still too early for me to be up seeing how I've been sleeping so late these past few days!

Holidays have been fun. After Dayang's party, I've been up to this:
Sunday: KLCC with Jade.
Monday: CNY at Uncle Allen's and then Lepaq with Atlas. Farhan Yassin is amazing at his beatboxing I swear on my life!
Tuesday: Pavilion with Mum, then OU with half of Atlas to watch a movie with Aiman.
Wednesday: Absolutely nothing actually. Wait, let me think... OH YEAH Farah's house with Nisha and Shi Fen to paint some Beruang stuff then BSC just to chill.
Thursday: Band practice and then Hartamas with Syarina and then Bangsar at Syadil's for a short visit.
Friday: Movie at Mid Valley with Atlas and their girlfriends. Or something like that la. Haha. Dayang set Gina up with Syadil. And then my gig with the newly born band called L.O.V.E or Living on Virtual Exit. (I love my darlingzzz.)
Saturday: Paul's Place to watch Atlas (How many times have I mentioned their name in the past blog?) Then went to Bangsar to eat and then back to Syadil's to chill..

And today is Sunday. Lazy Sunday. I am tired to bits. And I think I might just stay home today. Unless someone wants to take me out tonight la cos tomorrow no school what. Hahaha.

I love Aiman. Haha.

OH and I have a very special friend who'd I like to say THANK YOU FOR COMING TO MY GIG AT LEPAQ THE OTHER NIGHT. Very nice of you :) Also very nice of you to stop by my house for some cupcakes. You have no idea how cool I feel right now.

Xx

I'm sorry, Mr. Bailey.

2009-01-25T21:42:00.004+08:00

Cos I love you.

Dear Mr. Bailey,
Studywiz.cempaka.my is not working. I'm spazzing cos I still owe you my Commonwealth Essay. I shall send it to you through the webmail on the Cempaka website. I hope you get it. If not. I'll die.

----End----

Dayang's 17th birthday party was fun as :D It was really great meeting all the Damansara people again, especially spending some time with Amalina, Farah, Jade and Nisha. OMG! JUDE AND DAVID PETERS WERE THERE. Haha It's been AAAAGES since I've seen them. Here are some photos cos I'm too tired to want to explain everything.

Except the bit where Dan had the time of his life dancing with the tranny ;p

Dayang's sweetheart, Josh, Me, Dayang, Aiman

JADE, my busty mate.

Nisha Foo, my ho.

Aiman, my ♥

we're so starving.

2009-01-23T10:32:00.003+08:00

CNY holidays are almost here! Holyshitface I can't wait! :) Roy is finally going to become the friend he really is and pick me up from school today to hang out, and I can't wait cos it feels like it's been ages since I've seen him. About two weeks, maybe?

OH AND LAST NIGHT. I got to listen to my drug-song live in the flesh and acoustic (Though I've heard it a gazillion times live already. Bunkface played last night at Lepaq and it was really cool :) *Fan girl scream* I only caught Situasi, then they finished their set, unfortunately.

BUT, my happiness doesn't stop there. My darling came to Lepaq as well. I was so happy I didn't have to wait all the way until tomorrow to see him. My gosh, I was so ecstatic last night. And he was being all adorable. My goodness, he did that holding-on-to-me-even-though-I-thought-he-wanted-to-let-go-already thing with me. Many, many times. It felt so nice. Goshers, I love you.

Heehee. I'm sorry I didn't kiss you immediately when you were about to leave. I wanted to see how far you'd walk away before turning back to look at me. I couldn't stand watching you walk away so I ran after you. That's when you kissed me and apologized for having to leave so early. Gosh. You are really my fairy-tale.

And then when I get home, I call Jade and she's all smitten telling me about what her principle said to her which I thought was freaking hilarious.

And then texted him till I was half dead and needed to go to sleep and fell asleep nice and quickly.

I had a good night last night. And I owe it all to three people: Razlan, Sean Leslie and Sameera. Cos they're the ones with the driver's license. :D Can't wait for tomorrow!

Xx

Exchanging kisses in front of everyone. I love how you don't care whose watching.

valentines?

2009-01-21T20:39:00.003+08:00

Haha. Who needs Valentines Day when clearly, LOVE is in the aiiiiir. I mean, you can't deny it, and my friends definitely won't deny it either. You see their blogs, their statuses on Facebook, their whatever, it's all smitten and love-bugged. Whatever the hell that's supposed to mean.

School, is a bitch. Working has never been this hard! My head explodes as soon as the first class starts, and I can never wait to come home. Cos I wanna speak to you.

BUT HOW ARE YOU GUYS FEELING?

Cos me?

Well, I honestly think my Prince Charming has arrived on his steed in his shining armour, flipping his floppy hair just the way Jade likes it. ;) Though, he'll have to wait till his hair grows back to do that again.

Whatever. He's perfect.

I'll speak to you guys soon ;) Just about to climb on the back of that horse and gallop into those Icy Blues.

Xx

Don't think I've ever been like this before.

cos I'm so good.

2009-01-15T10:32:00.003+08:00

The weekend is coming and I can't wait. Running through what I'm gonna do this weekend is the only thing that gets me going to school to just quickly run the days by so the weekend will come to me faster. Somedays I wish I could just close my eyes and a day will be over; but most of the time I don't, cos every of second of the day I could be doing something to bring me closer to you.

So to pass my time, I draw. Ink gets all over my hands when I write your name in pretty lettering and patterns, trying to make the picture look as gorgeous as you really do appear to me. My fingers hurt from holding my pen so tight, making sure every detail is perfect, not wanting a flaw. But honestly, I don't mind the pain, cos I know that you'd say you love it no matter how many smudges there are in the corners. So I make a little something to present myself when I see you that coming weekend.

And then when the weekend finally comes, I look for you. I come to you, no matter where you are, and I am determined, because you make me so happy. When I see you for the first time that week, my feet shake in my scruffy shoes, my hands start to tap themselves against my thighs out of restlessness. I drop my bag to my feet, and you already have your arms open for me, so I run into them, slowly wrapping my arms around you. My heart beats at a very fast pace as I'm there in our embrace. Slowly, just very slowly, taking every mili-nano-mini-second of the moment, I loosen my grip cos I have to let you go. I don't want to appear obsessive.

... But you hold on to me. Your grip still as strong as ever. You're not even afraid of showing me that you don't want to release from our embrace. My arms go back to where they were, holding onto you so tight.

Eventually we have to let go, and get on with spending the rest of that beautiful day together, which we do. And every once in a while you will assure me that I'm still there next to you by holding my hand, even if it's only for a few seconds.

Throughout the day, I can't count how many times you make me feel so happy. You make me smile so much, that my cheeks hurt terribly. Countless amount of times you make me feel so giddy inside. I don't know anyone whose done so.

And then the day ends and I have to go. That same familiar hug comes back, that familiar smell tickles my nose. I hold on to you longer than I did before, and we're just holding on to each other in the middle of a crowd, all hustling and bustling. As if no ones there, we get lost in our own world, and stay in that embrace for so long, its as if I didn't have to go when actually I know my mother's downstairs, tapping impatiently at the steering wheel. But I hold on. I must. Just for a few more seconds. Hoping that time will stop just for a bit.

But then you whisper to me, "I love you so much," right to my face, right into my ear. I stop funcitoning and I melt into your arms. Softly, shakily I say it back.

Time didn't have to stop. Why does it have to when he says things like that to you as the clock ticks the day away? If the best things happen while the time is running, there's no reason to stop it.

That happens over the weekend. Then I leave. I'm home. The week starts all over again. And the same process happens.

I could do this forever.

Xx

Mr. Bailey's English class has inspired me to write like this.

whoa nelly.

2009-01-10T10:27:00.004+08:00

You see, in class last Monday, you know, the first day of school? Yeah well, Mr. Bailey asked the class to write about anything and then he listed down a few suggestions on the board. "Love," he read out loud as he wrote it, "Career", and the thought of my dancing popped into my mind, "School," everyone grimaced. All of us turned to one another, since there's only about ten of us in my class, trying to see what the other was gonna write about.

William and I made a pact to write about Love, no matter how much we don't know about it.

Back in class, I compared love to people playing dodgeball. Like dodgeball, love hit's you when you least expect it, most of the time the person who threw it at you doesn't mean it, and sometimes it hurts.

AND THEN. Something refreshed my mind of what my ultimate love fairytale is very recently.

Okay, I know this might sound crazy, but I used to have this crazy dream. Almost as crazy as saying, "Winnie the Pooh is so cool," which I just said but I can't care less about being cool right now. So the dream, it went something like: there's a performance, a production, a musical? Yeah, a musical, one that I was in and so was the guy I like (whoever that is, this is just an example). Well, I used to just imagine, some corny cheesy movie ringing in my head where the guy would just tell me he has the same feelings for me in front of everyone, not giving two living shits how many people we don't know around us. My face would flush like it always does and I'd fall into his arms and whoa nelly! What could get better than that huh?

I mean even if a boy that you like actually had the guts to stand in front of an audience (Who are obviously my favourite people, seeing I LOVE to perform.) and tell you that he loves you, he loves you, he loves you. That's some massive balls right there.
Oh my, what a dream.

But oh yeah. It happened to me yestereday.

Xx

I remember what the rabbi said.

2009-01-06T21:22:00.002+08:00

Say Anything's Wow, I Can Get Sexual Too is ringing in my head now. It's so catchy, I can't stop listening to it. The chorus goes:

"I called her on the phone and she touched herself, she touched herself, she touched herself. I laughed myself to sleep."

Go YouTube it or whatever. It's so Ludo. I think Iman sent it to me like 2 years ago? And NOW I get addicted to it. :p Whatever. It's still awesome :)

I am SO NOT used to getting up ad 6.30 in the morning anymore, and I wonder why my mother insists on waking me up at 6.15! I mean, I'm still gonna fall back asleep and wake up 15 minutes later! So yes, I'm not used to getting up that early, crawling out of bed, shower, get pissed off at my hair, and then climb into my clothes and then doing it everyday.

Hate it.

But, as soon as I get to school, that feeling of wanting to go home hits immediately and why I'm not gonna tell you. Cos its exclusive :D

And I LIKE THAT FEELING!
Cos it involves my tummy and 139238203 butterflies :D

Xx

Skeleton, you are my friend.

last day of 2008.

2008-12-31T09:26:00.002+08:00

It's 9.30 sharp now and Samira is still snoozing in her bed while I'm on the floor in a rather awkward position trying to blog. I'm afraid if I shift my position, I'll lose the internet connection.

My eyes split open this morning, facing the light shining through the blinds and I started being all sentimental. This is the first time I've never looked forward to the new year. I wanna stay in this time so bad. It's good, it's where I wanna be, a little unstable (but then again, when is anything stable?) but good. I can't give you reasons WHY I wanna be in 2008 right now, but I can tell you I just wanna be here. Well, not forever, but just for a little longer.

I don't know why I'm so emotional about it coming to a new year. But I do have things to look forward to in the new year.

I'm going to be ready for the new year starting... now.

See you tonight.

Xx

no, don't go.

2008-12-29T13:29:00.002+08:00

No, not you. I'm talking to 2008. Zaim just told me that we're 2 days away from saying goodbye to 2008. But 2008 has been such a good year to me!

Let's see why:
- Meeting friends in Australia.
- Coming home to a my family who are also friends.
- My scholarship.
- Got linked to My 479.
- Penang with My 479.
- Hong Kong with Samira in April.
- MTV ASIA AWARDS. (Ryan ROSS!)
- Indie gigs with Jade Lim.
- Maldives.
- Gigs in general.
- Anita (West Side Story).
- Performing even MORE with My 479.

But of course. THE MOST IMPORTANT ONE. THE ONE THAT MADE MY YEAR.

- Jason Mraz Live at Singfest. August 3rd 2008 at Fort Canning Park.

----

I don't have much to say for now but that I miss everyone at home :(

Xx

seriously, step aside!

2008-12-26T19:02:00.003+08:00

Out of pure boredom and exhaustion. I did this:

Hehe. Innit pretty?! Iman is back at home and she just helped me get the new limited edition of Jason Mraz's We Sing, We Dance, We Steal Things. Included with LIVE DVD, mind you!

COUNTDOWN TO JASON MRAZ! I will put a countdown timer to the left of my page right after I write this post.

Before that. Wanna see how THRILLING the Winnie The Pooh ride is?

Yes, I am wearing Minnie Mouse ears. And I had no idea they were going to take a picture! ;p Hahah! Soooo thrilling! (I am being sarcastic). Well on the way back I was smiling to myself like a mad idiot cos I was thinking what would happen if my friends came with me to Disneyland. Haha.

Such as this:

Iman would be pointing out every potentially hot guy, trying to find an excuse to go up to him such as, "Could you tell me whose that character?" while pointing to Mickey Mouse. She would also be saying how cool it would be having One Buck Short perform there since she is now officially a groupie.

Jade would be going on each and every ride. Forcing me to go with her on all of it. Including the Winnie the POOP ride. She would probably like that one the most! Haha. She would also be kicking and screaming to ride Dumbo the flying elephant over and over again.

Razlan would be in Fantasyland, looking out for his favourite princesses in the Secret Garden and going to those live shows (WHICH ARE REALLY GOOD), singing out each and every word when the princess pop out. (Sorry Raz, Megara doesn't come out in any of the shows. Haha)

Eka would be in Tomorrow Land. All the time. Hahaha! He'd be playing with Stitch. There's this one show where Stitch actually talks back to you. He'd be there alright! He would also play Buzzlightyear's game where you use lazer guns and shoot Emperor Zurg! That was fun. Really. I can also imagine him criticizing the fake snow.

Sean would also be watching the shows that they have here, probably sceaming out, "KEY CHANGE" every time the key does change. Haha. And he'd be mocking how fake whatever playing in the music system sounds. He'd also be guessing what note the song ends on every time a song ends! ;p And mind you, there are songs constantly playing over here.

Aimran would go CRAZY for ALL THOSE GIRLS in the Santa hats. Yes, Aimran. It's crawling with girls in Santa hats here. Haha!

Adrie would be singing all those Disney songs that he SOMEHOW knows by heart, in screamo style. Yes, he'd put screamo to everything. I'm sure he'd also try moshing with the paraders. HAHA! Him, Sean and me would probably eat our guts out here as well.

Well, I'm too tired to type the rest out, but if I do feel like it in the future. I will. :D

Xx

KP and CB.
Ed Westwick, anyone?

holidays!

2008-12-25T12:53:00.003+08:00

Okay, so this is an up for me cos the dude who sang as Simba at the little Lion King musical looked exactly like ELIJAH KELLEY *squeals.

I have nothing much to say.

His real name is Anuar. Unless he was pulling my leg then I don't know la. HAHA. Love him.

Xx

SAMIRA DAVIDSON, I can't wait to see you this Saturday.

okay, stay away bitches.

2008-12-22T18:18:00.002+08:00

Yeah, yeah, I'm in Hong Kong. But that's not the point. The point it. March 4th 2009 is going to be the happiest day of MY LIFE.

He (my love God, my love, the guy I'm IN LOVE with) told me himself that Malaysia was happening in March of 2009 and now it's confirmed! We have a confirmed date and everything and I am so-freaking-mother-ass-you-don't-go-there-with-me-buddy excited. Dude. It's Jason Mraz. Breathing Malaysian air. Eating roti canai.

The day my world stops moving is that day. I'm going to wish that I can stop time and just watch him in mid-note, singing and smiling at us. I wanna soak in every freaking cell he is made out of with my eyes! I mean, I'm serious. You ALL know how crazy I am about the man right? For example, I get messages on Myspace asking if I've heard about the concert happening next year. They send me messages cos they know that I'm one crazy Mraz chick. But of course, all the news they give me, I already know. OF COURSE I know. Haha! And I'm so happy. You have no idea how I'm gonna prepare myself for the wait in the morning before the concert. I mean, I have to get right in front. If I don't, I'll slit my wrists and make sure the blood splatters everywhere and that people will make way for me.

There is nothing better than being right in front of the dude you constantly think about, watching him sing. I mean. For example, I was at Rock The World 8 last Saturday--Adli and Afiq, it was so great seeing you guys again!--and I got to chill backstage for quite a bit. I mean, there's a story of how I got to, but that doesn't matter. The POINT IS, I still crawled back through screaming, moshing people to get to the front so I can watch One Buck Short in clear view. That feeling of people pushing against you while you sing at the top of your lungs and cheer your almost favourite boys on is so exhilirating! Seriously. I mean, meeting them is one thing, but being right in front of them while they do what they do best is the whole freaking point. Am I making sense? Of course, at some gigs, I feel it's okay to enjoy the music from afar.

But don't you dare think I'm going to enjoy Jason from afar. NO WAY IN HELL. I got to stand a few feet away from him this year, don't think I'mma break this streak. I'm gonna start touching wood everyday now for luck in the concert.

Please remind me to bring tissue to the concert. Thank you.

I live for Jason, man. Serious. There's not a day that goes by without me listening to his music, or sing his music at the top of my lungs.

I'm sorry, but you gotta put up with me for a second here. He's coming to my home! My Goodness. I don't know what I'd do that day. It's Jason Mraz. Jason. Gosh. Okay.

----End of fan girl rant----

Like I said, I'm in Hong Kong now. I'm going to see Samira this SATURDAY! Gosh I miss her so, so much. Before I left, this holiday has been filled with fun. I've spent almost every other day with My 479, I've met really, really nice new people, hehe, and I've spent so much time with my girlfriends that I don't really get to see! Not to mention the gigs I went to with Jade and Iman and somehow got lucky everytime!

It's been a great holiday and a really, really good year. Seriously! Think about it! The gigs, the concerts, the friends, the Australia bit, the coming home bit, the production, the travelling, the everything! I hope 2009 is as good as this.

WELL HELLUR?! It will be. Why? Well, I don't know. Maybe it's because JASON MRAZ IS COMING DOWN TO MALAYSIA?!

Well, I'mma get chatting with my friends online now. Please, come online. I'm spending 60 ringgit for 24 hours of internet and I do not wanna waste it.

It's 6.40pm and its dark. AND I'm hungry.

I really miss you all at home already.

Xx

Waking up today was the bomb. *sigh.

get those fingers typing.

2008-12-18T11:40:00.002+08:00

So, last night, it was Cempaka national Cheras prom but like it matters cos we're all there. It was fun! :) Loadsa dancing done! Loadsa catching up with friends who we haven't seen in ages. Some of us even making new friends :D I don't have pictures with me right now cos I didn't bring my camera last night but when I get it off friends on Facebook, I'll upload some here :) Oh yes, my date last night was Wilbur, just to say. :) Thanks for picking me up, getting in a jam, almost crashing into orange cones, but nonetheless, getting me home in one piece. I somehow won the Joker girl next to Matahari, and I'm not even in their year which is kinda weird but AH WELL. ;p The sash is mine.

I think I'll blog more about that prom when I get the photos.

Besides that, even though I'm half asleep, typing aimlessly at the computer, it's Amalina's birthday gathering today at Sunway Lagoon, so that oughtta be fun :) I need to wake myself up first and get ready to go. ;p Slept at about 2.30 last night just chilling in bed, watching TV, trying to fall asleep.

Oh, apparently My 479 and I are going to be performing at Lepaq again tomorrow. MAYBE, but yeah. It's open mike night everynight so all cool with us. I've got a new photo up on DeviantArt so check that out and give it some love.

I don't know what else to say. Oh, and I ♥ Jason Mraz & Hayley Williams will be my best friend one day. Haha. Oh how I wish.
Did I mention Chuck Bass is hot? :D

Xx

ohmuhjeezuschrist! look at what i found!

2008-12-11T12:35:00.002+08:00

None of you might know this little darling, but I used to call him Spigm. Don't ask. But it's one of my dearest stuffed toys ever :D You're never too old to have a little toy.

It's that toy with the droopy eyes on top of my head. Nuo En has one that is a cow but looks like a dog with horns. A horny dog. Roy used to call it Snoop Doggy Dog during those days of Witches Of Oz. Hehe! Then when I went to Melbourne in the middle of last year, I found an ACTUAL dog with droopy eyes (it was a cute ass bulldog) and this little honey here. Bought both of 'em and passed the dog on to Roy. And beginning of this year, when Banun was at my house, the day I left for Melbourne, we found a tiger with the same droopy eyes and I passed THAT to her too :D Now we all have stuffed toys with droopy eyes.

I have officially changed Spigm's name to Seaweed, for the love of Elijah Kelley! Mwahaha! Goshers, this toy brings back so much memories. It's like my token of past times (I can hear Jade in the background saying, "And Mordern Minds"). Oh and yes, I cut my own fringe again and got my bangs back. I have missed them :D Glad to have 'em back.

Past few days have been going out either to a mall or the The Boss' house. Of course, not a down moment with 'em boys. I've been really tired and I think I'm falling sick. I've also been thinking a lot. *GASP. (What a Fiyero moment.) I also still eat a lot cos I keep on thinking it can cure the sickness I've been feeling, but I'm wrong. It's been making me feel more sick than ever.

Oh! I'm leaving for Hong Kong on the 22nd and staying there till the 3rd of January! That means spending New Years with my lovely Samira Davidson! Can't wait. Miss her shitloads.

Jason Mraz.

Okay, my time's here done.

Xx

Blast from the past, mother-effers.

now known as Mrs. Mraz-Kelley.

2008-12-09T21:46:00.004+08:00

What's that you say? Who is the Kelley in my new and improved last name? Well simple. Elijah Kelley, bitches. What? You said what? Whose Elijah Kelly? ONLY ONE OF THE DREAMIEST PEOPLE I CAN THINK OF! Have you ever watched that movie Hairspray? Yes, the musical that was turned into a movie and then turned into a new and improved musical again. Yes, the one with really big hair, loadsa dancing, really catchy songs and loads of loving. Yes, the one with the "oh so dreamy" *grimace Zac Efron (Oh yes, your favourite Disney character Troy Bolton) in it. Yes, the one with the "actually dreamy" *sigh James Marsden (HE, Prince Charming, is what I call a Disney character) in it. Yes, the one with ALL HAIL Queen Latifah in it as well. Yes, that Hairspray.

When you watched it, remember Seaweed? The oh-so talented chocolate skinned boy who fell in love with Penny (Played by Amanda Bynes... please.)? THAT is Elijah Kelley. And mark my words when I say he is really, really something else. His voice is ringing in my head like a bad song, only sweet, strong, powerful and really, really tingly. NOT TO FORGET TO MENTION that smile. AND he dances. HE DANCES. Of course, he sings too. He has his own album and everything. He's like my Chris Brown, only hotter cos he does musicals. Musicals. Mm. Yummy.

But then again, I think I fell for the Seaweed I watched in London too. But then, I can watch Elijah set on repeat on my DVD player. I'd just rewind Run And Tell That and watch it over and over again. He is officially, my new obsession. *sigh. He's really something else.

He "quote unquote": is darker than chocolate, RICHER the taste.

He's so yummy. God, I never thought I'd dedicate a post like this to someone OTHER than Jason Mraz. But please, Jason is still number 1, bitches.

----

WATCHED BOLT TODAY OMG IN 3D with Athir and his cousin whom we call Lalat. Hehe. It was awesome.

----

Elijah Kelley. Remember that name, baby.

Mrs. Mraz-Kelley. OUT!

Xx

cos everything's so goddamn okay with me.

2008-12-05T11:38:00.003+08:00

I say that a lot. I say "It's okay" but I don't really mean it. I say it cos I think it's better than saying, "No, it's not fine," because that sentence will always be followed by a, "Why not?" as if I didn't just make my point so clear.

Screw all that. Guess what? I found out I'm playing the same zombie video game as Gerard-Freaking-Way!The game's like freaking awesome. I mean, I love zombies. And I just love shooting the living shit out of them--well, the dying shit out of them more like it. And in this game you can choose to be four characters, Louis, Bill (Who always has a cigarette in his mouth), Frances or
Zoey my personal favourite.

----

Update. DAYS later.
J. Mraz, my love has just updated his blog. He's in love. And I have finally gathered the balls to admit, that he's in love, and not with me. He's so dreamy about this girl. As much as I hate to say it, I'm happy for him. Okay, okay, of course I'm a bit broken but then again, he's a dude, who doesn't know me, has my heart in a jar, but nevertheless, still doesn't know me :) I just have to keep reminding you that J. Mraz captivates me, like shit.

BESIDES my never-ending love for the Mraznator, I've had quite a week. I was out everyday of the past week except Thursday. I stayed home the whole day and did absolutely nothing. Friday had a reunion with all my friends from my year. It was SO good meeting up with some of 'em again and they all look so good now! All grown up. :p Went swimming like non-stop, and couldn't help myself cos I just loved the water at night.

Had Damansara Prom last Saturday and that was cool :) Performed again with the boys of My 479. Love you, guys.

Don't know what else to blog about.

Xx

Jason Mraz fo' life.

i'm back from the dead.

2008-12-02T22:33:00.002+08:00

Who knew being away would be so much fun? Okay, that's a lie. I've been dying to blog in ages but never got the strength to get my fingers typing. I don't know but I feel as if I've lost my love for writing. And for those of you who do know me well enough, yes, I don't feel the need to write anymore. I loved writing. I don't know what happened to that but it sucks, cos now I can never think of anything to write about when last time I couldn't stop my fingers from typing or writing about something completely irrelevant to anything that has to do with my life or a simple "I'm doing okay" blog post.

I'm a hypocrite. I think I'm back into my writing-phase. Look at me. Started the blogpost about a second ago and still going at it.

Well here's what's been happening. West Side Story Nostalgia is officially a disease and it has hit me harder than Peter Pan or We Will Rock You. Not just because the company was great just that I still haven't let go of dear ol' Anita yet, as you know. I hope they have a video of us performing cos I really wanna know how I did.

But let's try not talking about that now. I don't wanna be all emo and think about it. CURRENTLY I am feeling content and a little pissed off. Pissed off cos I painted my nails just now at Nisha's house and waited so ~~fucking~~ for it to dry, and when I got home and took a shower, I deliberately hit my index finger on the shower head and poof! There's a little dent on the nail polish. And everything else looks so perfect except that. If the rest didn't look so goddamn good, I won't give a damn but because it does, it's killing me.

Look at me, all fussed about nail polish. Since when did I turn into such a girl? Well, talking about girls, Nisha Foo is back and I'm glad she is. It's been ages and we had quite a heart-to-heart talk just now in the car on the way back from Subang.

Oh and looks like my performance streak hasn't ended. Upcoming shows are: tomorrow at One Utama for some Unicef Christmas event and then Saturday at One World Hotel for prom. Heard our dear Riff will be joining My 479 that night in singing a song or two so that will be pretty interesting. Also! Very, VERY glad to have Aimran back. As fun as it was singing all on my own for prom night, I don't think I can take the pressure. Glad he got his ass back from Nepal in one piece. Iman will be thrilled to know that. HAHA!

Currently reading Love, Rosie that I've heard so much about and cried just now reading one part of the book. Never knew I could cry so much reading a size twelve text on paper. Never knew I was so emotional. Never knew I was such a girl to be crying like that. Haha. NO. I am not depressed. Please. I'm more than happy now! I'm content. Easy. Chilled.

God, now I'm ranting. I'm sorry that I have to give you something so uninteresting to read after not posting so long.

Wanna know what I'm looking forward to? What I'm DYING to come faster to me?

March of effing 2009. The month my dreams will be fulfilled and I will never cry ever again unless it tears of happiness that I'm crying. Jason-freaking-Mraz.

Oh, till that day comes I swear...

Okay, fine. That's just be being a dramatic excuse of a girl, but hey. I really do love Jason that much and STOP shaking your head and calling me pathetic. That's right, I can see you.

Lord, I don't know what else to say. See you at One Utama tomorrow?

Xx

R & A's everywhere. This. Is. A. Sign. And don't you dare call me weird just cos you don't understand what I'm saying.

post-west side story.

2008-11-30T11:10:00.002+08:00

I'm just waiting around now for Iman to finish showering cos FINALLY she managed to drag her ass back to KL and into my house. She sleptover last night and we watched J. Mraz videos and the DVD from the Eagles Ballroom and all that :) It was fun! I don't have much to say since life isn't half as interesting ever since West Side Story ended.

OH! Prom was fun as shit! Haven't danced like that in ages! So fun catching up with all the cast and crew from WSS again there as well. As well as performing with My 479. Hehe.

Don't know what else to say. Iman says hi.

Xx

anita's resting, so tasha's back.

2008-11-17T21:36:00.003+08:00

I'm so into my character now. I don't wanna drop it. It's gonna be so hard for me to leave Anita once all this is over because you have no idea how much I love her right now. :) Well, we have 4 more shows left and I'm gonna embrace her as much as I can. I'm so sorry that I've been away these past few days seeing I'm too busy strutting my stuff where I just think I belong, on stage that is, with the best company I could ever ask to be there for me! :) Everyone's been such a doll, I don't think I'll have a late reaction like I did the past two years where the day AFTER the last show was when I had nostalgia hits. I think I'll start feeling nostalgic hits when I sing my freaking last note of the night.

The Jet Boys being cute during "Gee, Officer Krupke".

Anita and her sexy Shark Girls in "America".

Tony and Maria meeting for the first time.

Jet Boys singing "Jet Song".

So far the show's been really, really good. We've had good reviews! And that really goes to all of us in the production cos I swear, without one of you on stage, backstage, downstage, wherever, we'd fall apart. Here's a review found on KakiSeni.com:

Found on KakiSeni.com

Okay so listen up, readers. Or more like read up, readers. We have 4 shows left, that's on the 19th, 21st, 21nd, and 23rd. Go to freaking Cempaka School's Website right ~~effing~~ now and look for the number to call to book tickets. :) Because so far, so good. And we perform even better with more faces in the crowd, doesn't matter sleepy, bored, happy, interested, we just perform way better with more body heat coming from the crowd. But if you shout during the show, you're gonna get us going so well, we're gonna want to do more shows and we're gonna so good on the last show, so you gotta buy tickets for the last show as well :)

Seriously. Please. Come. :) Fill up the front seats cos usually the tier's are filled up way more. (That's because our parents buy the first row of the first tier. No, not mentioning names. Yes, mum, I'm talking about you.) You won't be disappointed :)

I promise I'll wink at you with my fake eyelashes if you make it! :)

----

TODAY! Was an off day for us in the production. We've worked our fingers to the bone so the teacher's are taking a day off, giving us one as well while they're at it. (Mr. Spencer, don't get sunburnt again! Haha!) So Farah slept over and we woke up to some cereal for breakfast.

And she left at 12-ish and then I got up to get ready to go to Razlan's place to chill. Supposedly to discuss what songs we wanna do for prom but instead ended up ordering pizza, watching Jackass 2 and then soiling poor, poor Adrie with toothpaste while he slept so peacefully. We ate hell a lot, practiced hell a little, but laughed until our tummy's hurt. Well, at least mine did. And somehow the bathroom door got locked.

OH DISASTER FOR RAZLAN! He'll never get to his tweezers in AGES!

We tried kicking it, using a coin to turn the lock, using a card like some spies or some shit. Haha. Nothing worked. So Razlan will never be able to take a shit comfortably in his own comfort of his room ever again. Well, at least until he gets his door fixed. Watched some stupid videos online and then laughed some more. We called up Sean Leslie *cue groupie scream* and I had a sudden fit of giggles. I don't know why. I suddenly made some really lame ass jokes that Sean nor Razlan got. Of course, Adrie, being as twisted as me, laughed. ;p It went something like this:

We were discussing songs to play for prom and I mentioned something about Razlan singing.

Sean: Razlan's gonna sing? Oh no!
Myself: Yeah! The whole hotel will run out of their rooms, screaming! "The roof is on fire!"
*Pause.
Myself: ".. So take off all your clothes."

GOD! YOU HAVE TO GET THAT. Nelly? It's getting hot in here? Hellurrr? The video clip? Like ages ago. Haha. God. ;p Nevermind. I blame that fit of lame-nity and giggles on the overdose of pizza.

Then I had to rush to the hospital cos my granduncle's cancer got worst and fun was over for me. I really hope he gets better. :(

----

To cast and crew of WSS, I'm so sorry for being emotional yesterday before the show. I also wanna say thanks to everyone who offered me hugs, kisses, tissues, and honey. Yes. Honey. I downed honey like water in the middle of the Sahara. ;p Thanks to those who said stuff that made me smile, you know who you are. Thanks to my "numbers" for planting cute 8-9 year old kisses on my cheeks, and mind you, not leaving lip prints on my face.

Jude amd David Peters get a reasonable mention in this cos they never fail to make me laugh.

I'm okay now. Let's go kick some more asses this weekend! :)

Xx

On other stuff; I'm starting to think too much. Omg. Where's my best friend when I need her? Oh right. I'm Kuching, whacking golf balls as we speak.

some more birthdays!

2008-11-05T18:28:00.003+08:00

Happy birthday to William Sin! My tin man and also ever loving classmate. We've been tight for so long now :D Since those days during our Witches of Oz production where we'd smile at each other from across the dance studio just because we felt like it ;) Buddies for life, man.

Not to mention he's my potong-stim-buddy, seeing he's alwaaaaays disturbing me at my most crucial moments! You know what I mean, don't you, William? Heehee! You're the bomb, and keep up the really good work you're doing on WSS. Can't wait to see you tomorrow so we can bully the shit out of each other more ;)

----

Note to friends.

Oh dear my lovely friends. I love you oh so dearly. But please stop giving my number out to random people without my consent.

Thank you.

----

Well, today I stabbed my own foot with my own high heels during the taunting scene. A scene that I've been told to buck up on. Which I will, starting tomorrow :) We're all biting our nails off since it's so close to our first show which is the Charity Show.

Let's just get our shit together and kick some asses out there, shall we? :)

Oh and Razlan, it's about time YOU blogged about Halloween. Can't wait to see you next weekend or something, buddy. For band practice. HR comes home in 9 days!

Oh ONE MORE QUICK THING BEFORE I LEAVE FOR AN EARLY DINNER.

Congratulations, Barrack Obama on the win. ;) We all love you here. Well, at least the people at my lunch table just now :D Haha! I say thank Jason Mraz for influencing all our Jason-Mraz-smitten minds into ticking the empty box next to your name. Jason can see you running the country till 2017. Well, so can I. :D

Jason Mraz makes my heart burn. Oh, I'm starting to listen to MCR again. ;p

happy birthday to that sister of mine.

2008-11-04T19:47:00.003+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ATHIRA FATIMA, the younger sister I've never had! :)

I love you with all my heart and those sisterly things we've shared together are engraved into my memory, as corny as that sounds. Did you notice your birthday is rather close to that oh so special Frank Iero of ours? I just noticed it ;p Baby turns 15 today and she said she feels old ;p HAH!

Talking about feeling old, Nuo En quoted to me--was it last night or the night before? I can't remember--that soon she's going to get wrinkles and then, and then... duhmm duhmm duhhmmm... Menopause. *Enter Psycho theme song here*

I laughed my ass off.

Back to that oh so adorable "adik" of mine, well I've known her for God knows how long. From those days where our conversations used to be awkward right up to this very day, where I'm her best friend, she's my adik, and I sing in her brother's band ;) She knows me inside out, I understand her inside out too. She listens to me when I try to tell her something, which is what I love most about her. Besides that, she's always there for me when I need the company and she knows exactly what kind of company to give me :)

I don't think I'd ever be able to live without her. That big personality in a five feet no inches packet; you won't find anyone else like her anywhere else, I can promise you that. So what if I don't see her every morning, break time or lunch time anymore? We're still like two peas in a pod. Not to mention our love for dancing and the curls in our hair.

Despite us being in two different places five days a week, I still come by to meet her, cos she always tells me I'm always welcome. For that, I don't mind going all the way to the other side of the city to bring you tempura and hot honey tea when you're sick :)

I loved that day when we hung out in your room and had Japanese food cos I know you love it ;) You can't ask me why I love her to death. She freaking came to my house at 9am in the morning just to wait in line for My Chemical Romance. She sends presents through friends when I'm out of the country. Presents sprayed with perfume that she knows I like. And knows the reason why I like it.

I love you, Athira. Always here for you.

i owe two posts about two different days.

2008-11-03T18:50:00.002+08:00

FIRST! Halloween.

I'm surprised I didn't do anything for the oh so gorgeous Frank Anthony Iero. Seeing it was his birthday. But hey, I don't think I'm obliged to make a birthday video for everyone, right? Well maybe I'm wrong, cos I do love Frank. But whatever. Happy belated birthday, Frank. :) I still love you!

So for Halloween, I had two gigs in a night with My 479. It was the bomb! One was at Taylor's College the other was at Sunway College. The crowds were small but really energetic none the less, seeing they were friends of at least one member of the band :D And we got really good responses and not to mention a card from this guy from an indie band group company thinga majig. It was great cos even I knew some people from the colleges :D Like my brother's friends and stuff. :)

The songs were done well and I'm so proud of them boys :) They got LOADS of attention from everyone. Sean has groupies in Sunway College, all wanting to hug him and have his babies and have the lower half of his body reserved for her/him. LOL! Razlan will not drop the fact that people were into him, asking him for his number and shit. Eka is like the most energetic keyboardist ever. His left hand IS my favourite bassist after all. And I love his jokes, have I mentioned? Aimran had chicks coming to stand right in front of his mike to dance *ahem ahem. Adrie was loved by the lecturers, having them tell him how well he plays (Like we already didn't know that).

The boys dressed up as Click Five but of course a little more demented of a version, with the suits and fake blood and masquerade masks. I wanted to dress like them, in a shirt and tie and all that but ended up looking like a high school bitch. But hey! It's Halloween. Anything's allowed, no? :D The boys looked REALLY good that night. Ask Nuo En. I was talking to her about it last night, practically drooling pools of drool over that drummer ;)

We got a camera from Adrie so Athira and I went through it, looking at the photos and then stopped functioning when we came across one photo. (You know what I mean, adik?) Haha! OH! AND JADE joined us! She came to watch us in a Dracula costume with the fake blood dripping from her mouth and everything. It was a really fun night. Not to mention intimate as hell, but I won't go over that ;) Secret. ;)

So before I end the post about Halloween, just wanna say I had a great time with you guys, My 479. You have no idea how much fun I have with you guys. I can't wait till we go back for practice for International prom. :) (I can't till you see my prom dress either.)

----

Saturday after Halloween.

Rehearsals in the morning, nostalgia hitting me in all corners cos someone left for college :( Then after that I went out with Syarina, like I said in the previous post. And she brought me to OU using the Batu Caves way. We were in the car for a whole bloody hour. But it's okay, we got to see the billboard of Izara holding a glass of water.

And then when the three of us were walking around, I almost get rammed down by a car. And after the car passes, that's when Izara shouts out, "Tasha! I'll save you!" HAHA! A bit late right? But we were laughing about it like drunks. ;p It was funny and it was really fun hanging out with them two! :D I can't wait till next weekend. I hope I can plan something for them to come and bring me out again :D Then I can drive home again! Woot! Woot!

----

Well, other than that, we got a lot of shit today from the teachers about our production. We're not disciplined enough. But after that talk I think we'll be better starting from tomorrow! We'd better be! The teacher's are really disappointed in us.

But after that Wilbur took me out to makan at Leisure Mall which was fun. Nice time catching up. :)

I'm tired.

I think I'mma go now.

Xx

The world's out to get me. It won't let me stop thinking about you.